My story starts with a dress. Not just any dress, but a bridesmaid dress. In October of 2017, a year and a half ago, my sister got married. I was her maid of honor, and I was thrilled. But there was a big problem bubbling under the surface.
I was in the midst of a rapid, life-changing weight gain. Unlike a lot of people on here, I wasn't "always a bigger girl." In fact, for most of my life I was super slim, but I freaking ballooned up in my mid 20's. I went a long time avoiding the scale, but I probably gained about 70 lbs in 3 years. The catch is- I was in complete denial and didn't realize it. Dismissed all the signs. I still felt cute and slim as ever.
It wasnt until 2 weeks before the wedding that it hit me. The dress I bought a few months earlier... it didnt fit. Oh my God. I couldn't zip it. It looked awful. Panic set in... the seamstress had to put a panel and a corset back in, costing a ton of extra money. I quickly had to stuff the sadness back in and put on a happy face for the wedding. It was beautiful and I tried to ignore the fact that I was stuffed like a sausage into an ill- fitting, brownish pink dress. It wasnt my day after all, it was hers.
A few weeks post-wedding, another reality check hit me like a ton of bricks. Yep- the wedding photos. It was worse than what I saw in the mirror. It was mind boggling, I didnt recognize myself. And now the weight gain was on Facebook for everyone to see. I got really depressed and sunk even further into my bad habits/denial.
It wasnt until January of this year that I weighed myself- holy shit. 215 lbs. 10 years ago, I was 115. 100 lbs gained!? I almost doubled in weight!? January is when my weight loss journey started. Seeing the number on the scale just really hammered it in and I could no longer ignore it. 3 months of trial and error, slow loss, inaccurate calorie counting later and I've finally gotten the hang of it. Since March, I've lost 17lbs. First time EVER losing weight successfully. Progress pics show a bit of difference and I'm gaining confidence.
Well guess what. I decided to pull that bridesmaid dress out of my closet. Bad news. It still doesn't fit. Ouch. Guess that whole denial thing is still a problem for me. I must have kept gaining a year after the wedding, and the 19 lbs lost put me about where I was on the wedding day. Am I sad? Yeah, I am. Am I going to give up? Hell. Freaking. No.
See, the difference between me in the dress 1 1/2 years ago and me in the dress today is this: I'm headed in the right direction today. I'm losing weight instead of gaining. I'm becoming disciplined. I'm learning what kinds of foods to eat, and not to eat and stay full while at a deficit. I've adopted healthy habits- tracking on MFP and running on the treadmill are second nature, part of my daily routine. And most of all- I'm self aware today. I have a healthy mindset today, and I'm doing right for my body and myself today.
Me in that dress 1 1/2 years ago and me in that dress today- we may LOOK the same. But make no mistake, we are two different people. And I'm proud of that. Who knows, maybe a year from now I can put on that horrid dress again and it'll be another story. For now- I press on. 💕
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