I posted here three months ago about how weight loss caused me to question things about myself and how I felt. Here we are, a few months down the road and as of this morning I am sitting on the cusp of a healthy weight with my BMI resting at exactly 25.0. Although I still plan to lose another 15lbs or so to reach a weight that would be healthiest for me, I wanted to post a follow up to my last post as a sort of "celebratory" update to those who replied to the last one.
A year ago I was heavily pregnant and probably about 235lbs. I'd wanted to be where I am right now for years, and stepping on the scale absolutely destroyed me. I hated going for OB check ups because my weight was a continual issue for my doctor throughout my pregnancy. I was bloated, embarrassed and ridiculously uncomfortable. They say pregnancy is the most beautiful experience there is, and it can be. But if I'm being 100% honest, I absolutely hated it. The discomfort was awful, and my last pregnancy was much worse than my first, which I'm sure was partly due to my weight.
After I had my baby I immediately made small changes to my lifestyle, such as walking more per day. The weight began to come off, although much slower than I anticipated at first. I remember there was a point where the scale jumped back to 216 from 211 the week prior and I messaged my friend asking what the point even was because "obviously this wasn't going to work". She convinced me to think logically about the situation (I'm normally very rational about things but hormones after pregnancy are nuts!) and suggested I have my thyroid levels tested, since I do have a history of hypothyroidism and was previously on Synthroid in my late teens. The testing came back fine, and in the meantime I continued to stick to the plan I set for myself. It was water weight, it indeed came off and within 2 weeks I was sitting at 205.
Fast forward to now. If I could go back one year ago and tell myself that I'd be sitting here literally .1 away from the coveted green area on the BMI scale I'm not sure if past me would believe it. This is something I've wanted for years, and yet looking back I'm not sure if I ever really believed I had the willpower to do it. There are times I feel like I definitely see all the changes, and then there are times I look in the mirror and see nothing different.
Despite having lost quite a bit, I really don't have that much loose skin. A little bit on my upper thighs which I'm pretty sure is mostly fat and will probably shrink as I continue to lose, and some on my stomach which was expected since I've had two children. The skin on the upper arms is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but there are stretch marks that are visible. They aren't noticeable unless you're looking for them and otherwise the skin itself is quite toned. I definitely do still have wide feet (a question I'd mentioned in my first post). It's very weird to me to see my collarbone so plainly. I guess I'd never realized how visible it actually wasn't until it was, if that makes sense.
I never realized how much discomfort I was living with on a daily basis until now. When I stand up off the floor it doesn't take nearly as much effort. My knees don't feel nearly as much pressure when I push up from the floor. The other day I decided to do a plank for fun (it's not part of my general workout routine) and during it my toddler jumped on my back and I. Did. Not. Move. My arms didn't shake, I didn't feel strained and I was able to continue holding the plank as though there wasn't an extra 30lbs on my back. When I had attempted a plank at around 200lbs, I was not able to hold it longer than 15 seconds.
It's getting hot where I live, and for years I always told people I couldn't tolerate heat. Anything above 75 and "I'd melt". Yeah. About that. It's been above 80 degrees for the past few weeks and I was surprised to find it doesn't really bother me. Sure, I get hot when I exercise but that's normal, obviously. The real amazement here is that I can lounge around and not feel like I'm flirting with the surface of the sun. There were even a couple days where I was actually cold. The AC in my home is set at 75, and I needed a (thin) blanket over me. I do have issues with chronic anemia, so I'm sure that plays a small part, but it's definitely a change considering when I was obese and anemic I would overheat just sitting on the couch.
Last but not least, the commentary. I dont know why people feel like they need to comment on weight as much as they do, but apparently it's necessary for some people because it happens a lot. It drives me insane. I used to think I'd appreciate the compliments, but now that I'm receiving them all I can think is please make it stop. I'm finding most of said "compliments" are actually snide remarks laced with jealousy, ignorance or are just an excuse to be rude. It actually feels like I'm more sensitive about my weight now than I was when I was obese. I've had people tell me I'm too "thin", that if I lose any more they'll be able to see right through me, that I need to eat more because I'm "starving myself" if I don't fill my plate with pasta. Healthy portions, oh the horror! My personal favorite was on Easter when my uncle said I lost half of myself. That one sent me into the 'was I really that big?' mental spiral. I don't understand why people feel they must mention weight changes they notice in others. Not every thought one thinks should be spoken, but I digress.
So I think that's about it. If you've made it this far, I'd like to apologize for the massive amount of text you've just read, and any applicable formatting/grammar/spelling errors. It's been a long year, and though I still have a bit to lose, tonight I'll go to bed knowing I'm a week or so away from a healthy weight.
Dear past self, you do have the willpower, and you did it.
Editing to add this: I am now over 40lbs below the weight I had lied about on my license lol
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