I’m having all these mixed feelings about my weight and I don’t know what to do about it

(I’m on mobile, sorry for the formatting)

So I started losing weight back in April, when I decided that I was tired of being sad and miserable and I was tired of eating to try and deal with all of my emotions.

I’ve lost about 27 pounds (half of my goal) since then which is nice, but I’m having all of these mixed feelings about this journey that I don’t really know how to deal with.

I have a lot of free time, and I spend a lot of that time obsessing over my weight loss and how I look. I look at and judge myself in the mirror way more than I should. I go through a wide range of emotions throughout the day. One minute I could be saying “Hey, I’m making nice progress, this is good! I don’t have that far to go until I’m at my goal weight.”, then the next I’m angry and calling myself a fat and ugly piece of crap and hating all the fat I still have. I also at times tend to become really impatient with it all, and I just wish I could be at my goal already. I’ve never been thin, and I can’t wait until I look at myself and see a thin person in the mirror. I can’t wait to experience what that feels like. There’s so many things I’m looking forward to.

The thought of gaining it back once I do lose all the weight terrifies me, and I worry about how I’m going to maintain.

How do I deal with all of this? Going through this rollercoaster of emotions almost daily is really tiring.

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Motivation isn't gone.... just hiding. (Long. So long. It's a long post, guys.)

Hello all! I need a little push please. First up: 31F, SW 115kg (253lb) CW 89kg (196lb) GW 70-75kg (154-165lb)

Okay? Okay.

Last year I decided I needed to get on top of some debilitating PCOS side effects, but because of the PCOS it didn't matter what I did nothing would shift the weight. I was sent this link which gave me a hell of a lot of hope. I started keto, went for a 5km walk two-three times a week, and went hiking every Saturday morning. The weight practically melted away, I lost almost 30kg in six months. I was thrilled! And then my hair started falling out. I lost a lot of fat, and as a bonus, I lost about a third of my hair.

So I stopped. By October I had stopped strict keto, I stopped exercising, I just stopped. I was scared. My hair went from thick and beautiful to patchy and receeding. Not a great look on a 30 year old woman. I was doing very lazy keto, pretty much just eating low carb. The PCOS side effects came back... luckily not the painful ones, but the shit skin, the hairiness, the lack of period. It was devestating to my self esteem, I lost my hair and then I get all this too? Fantastic! ..... and then I gained back about 8kg.

It's now July, and enough is enough. I need to lose the weight, I look awful, I feel awful, I'm so unhappy. I had made so much progress and I feel like all motivation is gone to start up again, because I am so scared of the hair that's growing back to just fall out again.

I joined a gym with my boyfriend, I've started trying to eat lower carbs (terrified of keto + exercise again), but the fear is really holding me back. I know how well my body responds to low carbs and exercise, I function better, I'm happier, I'm pain free, yay! But my hair also falls out from the shock of the fast weight loss.

I am so self conscious that I cannot leave the cardio room in the gym, I am so intimidated by the weights/machines area that I can't walk in there. People look up, and I know they aren't looking at me, but I still am mortified by my mere presence being acknowledged with a glance that I just scuttle out and go hide on the treadmill or bike (which I actually enjoy, so those machines are fine). I really know that the weights and machines in there will be so so helpful to me, but I don't know what to do when I look at them, I don't want to do the wrong thing, I don't want to look like that fat moron who got lost.

Game plan is: I have a friend that wants to join the same gym as me, I'm thinking if we get a session or two with a personal trainer at the gym, they can show me/us how to use the machines and proper gym etiquette. I think that will stop me from feeling like a lost and confused idiot?

Bottom line is: how do I get past the shame of gaining the weight back, starting from zero again, and not feeling like a failure and embarrassment? I really really want to try, I want to get back to where I was... just with my hair intact lol.

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I've lost 30 pounds and gained more confidence than I thought my spirit could hold.

30 Lbs LOST!

​

Hi Reddit family,

​

25/F here. I made a post about a month ago about my weight loss and felt so incredibly motivated by those who offered their support. As of the last few weeks, I've seen a stall in my weight loss but i'm sure it's due to my increase in muscle from weight lifting, which I do daily - minus rest days. I've even gotten my boyfriend to start working out with me too and have found that motivating him helps motivate me too on the days where i'm just over it.

​

30 lbs doesn't seem like much to me, I still have a LOT to lose but I find my body slimming out a lot. My confidence has skyrocketed and i'm even rocking crop tops now... in public... I feel like a brand new person and I can't wait to continue to see how my body morphs.

​

WARNING: I was super nervous posting my before picture as I hate how my stomach looks, but i'm so proud of the progress I have made.

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Day 1 - Putting Myself All Out Here

The stats: 29, afab, 5'3", HW- 270, SW- 255.8, CW- 247.6, GW- 145

(Disclaimer: sorry if this veers off topic at all/isn't allowed for some reason, tried to keep to the rules of the road but can take down if needed. This post also go so much longer than planned but I'm just going for it, sorry/thanks/awkward shuffle away)

I've been really looking for a community just to discuss the ups and downs of weight loss, and somewhere to just have a conversation with others who are heavy and understand the struggles of weight loss/maintenance. I used to be extremely active and fit, run 6 miles daily, weights 3-4x/week, and then a lot of life happened at a very rapid, successive rate, followed by my mental health almost completely deteriorating as a result of many things, so here I am sitting at 247.6, not my worst, but not my best.

I work as a medical billing office drone in a really chill work situation which took a lot of wading through toxic workplace BS first (you know how it goes) including having a sit/stand desk (freaking awesome), which I'm going to utilize to my advantage. I have 2 kids who are 2 and 7, and my favorite small people.

I'm also suuuuuper gender queer but far, far too body conscious to leave the comfort of my closet/dress according to who I'd like to see myself as (one of my weight loss goals).

Now that the dust has settled in a lot of the situations that were going on for a long time, I realized I'd been pouring myself into others' lives while purposely avoiding taking care of myself at all.

I didn't actually kick myself in the ass to get going, my amazing husband helped pull me out of a deep level funk, and I feel pretty lucky to have a supportive partner who will tell me not just what I wanted to hear, but what I really, really needed to hear, in a lot of moments that were pretty difficult for both of us.

So I'm working through a lot of stuff with coping tools like meditation, medication, some journaling, and adding back cardio and weight training. And re-starting my social life for the first time in years. Mostly just having to be brutally honest with myself though again and again that I use food as a constant source of emotional replacement among other things and don't have a healthy relationship with it right now.

Last night, I gave in to the munchies and my own self destruction and binged. It felt terrible afterwards. Before that, the rest of the day things were actually going good since last weekend. I'm still on the bandwagon though, I'm still here, putting myself out here as an obese, gender queer, insecure, parent of two, anxious person who wants to be the best I can for my husband and kids, and for myself too, honestly.

Thanks for reading my thing and any input/advice/commentary is welcome, thanks for taking me in! Probably my only individual post until significant progress made.

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On Day 1 again, triggers to avoid and overcoming grief

Working out has never been an issue. I surf, swim, or run for a minimum of an hour daily. Working out is essential to my mental health. I set out a year and a half ago to loose the weight I had gained during pregnancy and initially lost 12 pounds. I plateaued and maintained until I suffered a knee injury in April, I have gained 5 pounds since the injury. I tell myself that I am healthy because I work out, I am strong, and I eat really well. In reality, I overeat those healthy foods, I am overweight, and embarrassed to see myself in pictures.

Counting calories has been a struggle for me as an adult. Growing up my whole family was overweight and when I dropped a bunch of weight in my early twenties my eldest sister (always the competitor) saw that it could be done and got really into fitness.... so much so that it contributed to her sudden and premature death at 33. Her obsession with being fit ultimately spurred underlying health issues and instead of focusing on staying healthy she pushed herself to extremes to maintain an unrealistic image. So really, it wasn't about being 'healthy' for her, it was about looking a certain way. After witnessing what happened to her I am really put off by counting calories and restrictive diets. It is also really weird to now be the age she was when she died, my recent birthday triggered the grief again.

I know that the key to my weight loss is diet but racking food is wrapped up in the grief of losing my sister. I fear that what happened to her could happen to me. Regardless, I am on my second day of tracking with MFP and I am taking it a day at a time. The following are some triggers I am working on avoiding as I start this post-baby weight lose journey for the second time. Would love to hear any tips or tricks you've learned (especially for issues 1 and 2).

1) Husband is a night-eater. After dinner, before bed, he will sit down next to me on the couch with a big bowl of veggie crisps, cheese and almonds, or our toddler's goldfish crackers. It is torture and 8/10 times I will grab some out of the bowl.

2) Husband overeats and I get FOMO. Meal planning doesn't work in my house because if I make more than a portion of food my husband will eat several servings in one sitting. I then feel like 'if I don't eat all I want now he will eat it all before I can have my share'.

3) Post-meal sweets. After almost every meal I have a sweet. A piece of chocolate, a homemade 'healthy' oatmeal cookie but it adds up, I am easily eating 250 calories a day of sweets because I am addicted to sugar.

4) Poorly planned meals and hangry episodes. I often make the mistake when trying to loose weight of not eating enough throughout the day, by dinner time I will eat everything within sight - compounded by issues 1 & 2.

5) Thyroid issues. Since pregnancy my thyroid has been acting up. I am not on medication for it at this point but loosing weight is not as easy as it used to be.

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SV & NSV - CICO + walking - I’m melting away!

I’m just so excited and I need to tell you guys because honesty, I think everyone else in my real life is sick of hearing me talk about my weight loss.

I’m going to Disney World in September and I made myself a promise in December that I would lose 80lbs before I went to Disney because I knew if I didn’t I would be miserable. I started my self-improvement on January 1st.

A few months ago I realized I was not losing enough to make my goal so I decided to get stricter with calorie counting. I started walking at least 5 days a week.

My husband and I also made a little points system for how many times we could eat out before Disney because it’s hard to count calories at most of our favorite local restaurants. This was about 15 weeks out, we gave ourselves 10 points, lunches are half a point, dinners are 1 and we can go get Subway for lunch without losing a point if we exercise beforehand. We still have 6.5 points left.

So now Disney is 9 weeks away, I’m down 62.8lbs, my husband is down 50lbs, and that puts both of us at lowest weight we’ve been for at least the last 6 years. I’ve lost 3.5lbs just this week and I feel on top of the world. I’ve been walking nearly everyday and I know I’ll reap all of the benefits of walking in this boiling heat once I’m at Disney!

To top it all off, I saw my sister-in-law the other day and she told me I’m melting away AND I had to pull in all of my favorite skirts by SIX INCHES (!!!) around my waist so I could wear them this summer (and I look better than ever in them!)

I’m just so excited. Thank you for reading this and sharing in my excitement with me- it really means a lot! I’m so grateful for all of you guys! Keep going! 💪🏻

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Scales have been lying to me. I'm a stone heavier than I thought, and officially obese.

I bought some fancy new digital scales to replace my mechanical.

The new scales had me at 89kg (14 stone), whilst the mechanical ones said 13 stone.

I went to a local pharmacy to get weighed on the body fat scales there, and the ticket confirmed I was 14st 1lb, with a BMI of 30.7. Officially obese.

I've been doing CICO for the past couple of weeks, and lost 6-7 pounds (from the 13st 7lb that my mechanical scales said I was).

Sure I still lost the weight, but it's so disheartening to be a whole stone heavier than I thought.

I have upped my weight loss speed to 2lb a week on the Lose It app, and will stick strictly to my new calorie budget of 1400 calories.

Waaah

Thank you for attending my talk.

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