The stats: 29, afab, 5'3", HW- 270, SW- 255.8, CW- 247.6, GW- 145
(Disclaimer: sorry if this veers off topic at all/isn't allowed for some reason, tried to keep to the rules of the road but can take down if needed. This post also go so much longer than planned but I'm just going for it, sorry/thanks/awkward shuffle away)
I've been really looking for a community just to discuss the ups and downs of weight loss, and somewhere to just have a conversation with others who are heavy and understand the struggles of weight loss/maintenance. I used to be extremely active and fit, run 6 miles daily, weights 3-4x/week, and then a lot of life happened at a very rapid, successive rate, followed by my mental health almost completely deteriorating as a result of many things, so here I am sitting at 247.6, not my worst, but not my best.
I work as a medical billing office drone in a really chill work situation which took a lot of wading through toxic workplace BS first (you know how it goes) including having a sit/stand desk (freaking awesome), which I'm going to utilize to my advantage. I have 2 kids who are 2 and 7, and my favorite small people.
I'm also suuuuuper gender queer but far, far too body conscious to leave the comfort of my closet/dress according to who I'd like to see myself as (one of my weight loss goals).
Now that the dust has settled in a lot of the situations that were going on for a long time, I realized I'd been pouring myself into others' lives while purposely avoiding taking care of myself at all.
I didn't actually kick myself in the ass to get going, my amazing husband helped pull me out of a deep level funk, and I feel pretty lucky to have a supportive partner who will tell me not just what I wanted to hear, but what I really, really needed to hear, in a lot of moments that were pretty difficult for both of us.
So I'm working through a lot of stuff with coping tools like meditation, medication, some journaling, and adding back cardio and weight training. And re-starting my social life for the first time in years. Mostly just having to be brutally honest with myself though again and again that I use food as a constant source of emotional replacement among other things and don't have a healthy relationship with it right now.
Last night, I gave in to the munchies and my own self destruction and binged. It felt terrible afterwards. Before that, the rest of the day things were actually going good since last weekend. I'm still on the bandwagon though, I'm still here, putting myself out here as an obese, gender queer, insecure, parent of two, anxious person who wants to be the best I can for my husband and kids, and for myself too, honestly.
Thanks for reading my thing and any input/advice/commentary is welcome, thanks for taking me in! Probably my only individual post until significant progress made.
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