(I’m on mobile, sorry for the formatting)
So I started losing weight back in April, when I decided that I was tired of being sad and miserable and I was tired of eating to try and deal with all of my emotions.
I’ve lost about 27 pounds (half of my goal) since then which is nice, but I’m having all of these mixed feelings about this journey that I don’t really know how to deal with.
I have a lot of free time, and I spend a lot of that time obsessing over my weight loss and how I look. I look at and judge myself in the mirror way more than I should. I go through a wide range of emotions throughout the day. One minute I could be saying “Hey, I’m making nice progress, this is good! I don’t have that far to go until I’m at my goal weight.”, then the next I’m angry and calling myself a fat and ugly piece of crap and hating all the fat I still have. I also at times tend to become really impatient with it all, and I just wish I could be at my goal already. I’ve never been thin, and I can’t wait until I look at myself and see a thin person in the mirror. I can’t wait to experience what that feels like. There’s so many things I’m looking forward to.
The thought of gaining it back once I do lose all the weight terrifies me, and I worry about how I’m going to maintain.
How do I deal with all of this? Going through this rollercoaster of emotions almost daily is really tiring.
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