Thursday, July 25, 2019

How to deal with outside opinions about weight loss?

Apologies if this is not the best forum to post as I’m not asking for myself but rather in relation to my wife – for some stats and back story - She's been on the heavier side for most of her life, but dropped 75 lbs in the last 6 months after an unexpected opportunity to join a weight loss program focusing on diet/nutrition. She attends a cardio-based exercise class 1-2 hours a week, but the vast majority of her success has come from CICO. Age: 34 Height: 5'4'' Starting weight 242 lbs, Current weight 167 lbs, goal weight: ?? (I don't know exact numbers, just my best guess). She is focusing on body fat % as her program goal rather than weight, so goal is very close but we don't know for sure.

I have not and will not ever give a fuck how much she weighs as long as she’s healthy and happy, but her family has always been low-key passive aggressive about her weight. Her mother especially – she put her on a diet at 8 years old, would buy clothes slightly too small, pack a different lunch for her than her brother because her brother was ‘good’ and she was ‘bad’…long story short, she has a decent relationship with them but it’s taken therapy and strong boundaries and a perpetual need to shut down conversations that threaten those boundaries.

Of course, her recent weight loss journey has been of great interest to them and only underlines how hypocritical and unhealthy their opinions are and despite the aforementioned strong boundaries, it’s been wearing on both of us. Especially because extended family have been chiming in now and while nobody’s being intentionally malicious, they say things that are tone-deaf at best. ‘You look just like your mom now’, ‘No way is that [wife’s name]’, ‘You should stop, you’re getting too thin’, etc.

Could anyone provide insight on how best to communicate (or not communicate) with people who are well-wishing in a way that only affects one negatively?

submitted by /u/ilvostro
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