Yesterday I weighed myself and I came up at 189lbs as a 5’6” female. Just last November I was 169lbs and I hit a plateau. I lost motivation due to the decreased progress and went away from CICO.I lost myself and now I’m back to where I started.
I’m having such a hard time trying to restart this weight lost thing. When I look at myself I see a bigger, fatter, more ugly version of my former self, but I cannot bring myself to go through all the work again. When I see food I just want to eat it. When I’m stressed I eat. Bored, I eat! I can’t stop! I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that I’ll be a 600lbs person in a decade if I continue down this path.
My fiancé is also very thin and he tells me how beautiful I am, how he loves my body. I know he is not lying, but how can he be happy with a body I clearly hate? People in my family tell me that I’ve gotten small, but the numbers on the scale tell a different story. I’m fat! I’ve always been fat! I admit it! I want to change, but I don’t know how to not view food the way I do! I know that in a few years when I pop out some kids I’ll get even bigger! That horrifies me! Plus if I lose the weight do I have to worry about it for the rest of my life? On my first attempt at weight loss I became obsessive, but it worked, but I don’t want that to be my forever...
I’ve recently taken up rollerblading and feel so wonderful while I do it. I can skate for about an hour and burn so many calories, but I throw them all away with the food! Also My weight limits my skating, my back aches, It takes so much work just to move my body, I get self conscious of my body, etc.
I’m just struggling so much and need some guidance. This sub got me through my first attempt at weight lost and I need another hand.
Before anyone says it, I’ve been to therapy, I’ve tried fasting, I’ve tried Leto, I’ve tried so much! Everytime I hit a wall... I don’t understand.
How can I change my relationship with food? Where do I begin? Why do I think being overweight discredits ever accomplishment in my life? (I.e. I graduated college, but I’m still so fat).
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