Hello LoseIt,
I've been floundering a little, and thought I would take a few minutes to write out my experience and possibly seek some anecdotes from folks (so thank you in advance, if you share). I would say advice, but I am at the park in my journey where I have all the knowledge and education I need to be a healthier and better person, but, right now, for the first time, I am back up to a place I don't want to be.
Backstory / Almost 7 years ago, I was edging on 300 lbs. and something inside of me shook awake and I joined a weight loss program with some friends. I ended up sticking with it, really hardcore, and lost about 110 lbs. I went from doing nothing to running races (eventually to a marathon), joined CrossFit and did competitions, entirely changed my diet (from eating pizza, fried chicken, and lots of soda) to eating paleo, etc. This was a slow and gradual change that took about 2 years or so (so I didn't go from eating like trash person to eating paleo overnight). I am usually a very extreme kind of person, and go ALL out when I do something, which helped me in this department.
Maintenance has been a different story - and I know this is the hard part because it is the long haul, but about 4 years ago, I graduated college, started my first full-time job, came out of the closet and started dating, was dealing with my new identity as a fit individual, had a very first tumultuous relationship, eventually left my college-town that I lived in for a decade and moved to a place I knew only a few people, bought my first house, dated - dated - dated, met a wonderful man and asked him to move in with me with his 5 -year-old daughter (so became a parent), and recently just bought a house with him and am dealing with moving.
That's the quick and dirty of the central stressors over the last 5 years, that I know have contributed to my up and down. I've participated in several work weight loss programs and won them each time - so I go down about 20, but then within the next 4 months, I am back up. Currently, I won't even weigh myself because I know I am the heaviest I have been since I started losing weight.
It's all in the motivation, I just feel tired and fatigued (partially because of the food I am eating - I know, but when you are stressed, eating food you like is calming at the time).
I've told myself that I won't get back to where I was, and I am certainly not at this point, but a large portion of my clothes don't fit, and I refuse to buy new ones, but it's becoming a problem. My boyfriend loves me however I am, but I am starting to not feel comfortable with my clothes off (which was something that took me my entire life to get over). It's not inhibiting my actions so much so far, but the way I feel about myself and, in turn, that will eventually reflect in my behavior. I haven't been to the gym in a couple of months, and I am going to try and get there today, but I thought I was just put this out there and see what people have to say - if you have been in a similar situation after losing a large amount of weight. I don't want my story to be the person who lost it and then gained it back. I feel happiest when I at my comfort weight (about 175), and am probably about 50 lbs. from there now. I feel healthy and good about myself. It's not a matter of being lazy either, as, with the move, I've been working on projects all the time, but I need to focus on this as well, but when the time comes to get up and go to the gym, it just doesn't happen.
The biggest problem is the food though. Even last night, we had grilled chicken and mashed potatoes, and I ate it so fast, you wouldn't know it was ever on the plate. At a certain point, my boyfriend got up, and I grabbed two more pieces and more, and ate half of that before he even returned. That's the part he doesn't seem. I told him because there is shame in overeating, and it's not something I am proud of, but it also feels as if I am satiating something in me. I know my speed is a huge issue in eating, it's almost as if my brain is telling me to eat so fast that I can't think about what I have eaten until it's too late (and then feel guilty). My old therapist says I need to be kinder to myself, but that part is hard when you really want to stop eating, but something inside you won't' let you.
I've tamed it before, but over the last 5 years, it's been up and down, and each time, the pendulum swing is greater.
How have folks who have had significant weight loss been able to get back on track (long-long term)? I know we all stumble and fall, but I think the constant gaining and losing weight isn't healthy either.
Thank you for taking time out to listen to my story and thank you in advance for any anecdotes/tips you have - this sub was one of the primary motivating factors I would rely on during my initial weight loss!
