started struggling recently, and i think im at a point where things have the potential to become unhealthy. not that they are currently, but i know its a slippery slope. i could just.. really use some science, or advice, or words of wisdom.
im over 4 months on testosterone (ftm transgender), and my dosage was upped ~4 weeks ago after i had bloodwork done. i was originally started on a low dose, and its currently more than 2x that. im happy about this; its a positive thing.
but until recently, i had never really experienced an increase in appetite from T like ive heard often happens. i hadnt gained weight since starting T; i had continued to lose (currently down over 30 lbs, 12 left). i was eating 1400 calories/day when i started losing weight, then 1500/day once i started T, around 1550-1600 depending on workouts. sure, i was hungry sometimes; but physically, i felt fine. it never felt like i wasnt eating enough for my body.
the past few weeks, though... have been rough. i started craving meat shortly after starting T (hello cheeseburgers), and its almost a constant. i used to go 4 hours between breakfast and lunch, and suddenly im now hungry an hour and a half later.
ive only stuck to my usual 1500-1600 two days out of the past seven, because 1500 has become.. just too difficult. when i think about getting back on track and back to 1500, i feel utter dread. i dont want to go back to it. thinking about it feels horrible. so the other day, i decided I’d start eating around 1900/day instead and just lose slowly. after all, my body’s essentially going through another puberty and trying to build muscle. i figure that im probably hungry for a reason.
but currently, im laying in bed after eating 2200 calories and over 130g of protein. and i feel nauseous. my stomachs growling. im still hungry.
im just so afraid of gaining weight back. i know that CICO is how weight loss/gain works, and i know that 2200 calories/day would put me at a surplus.
i dont want to gain weight, but im also genuinely hungry. i dont feel like im getting enough food right now. i feel lousy. should i ignore this and stick to the numbers? should i be eating more to avoid feeling this way? are my two options continuing to lose weight but feeling bad, or gaining weight and feeling good? am i hungry because i truly need more food?
i feel like breaking down, to be completely honest. its been a really sudden change, and i dont really know what to do. i was fine for 6+ months eating 1400-1600 calories while working out.. and now, the idea of 1500 calories makes me want to cry.
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