Hello all! I started this post with the intention of it being a quick intro to who I am and my journey so far - I have been a longtime lurker and have just decided to join reddit so I can be actively involved in this community. However, things quickly got out of hand and I have written a short novel.
TLDR: Been overweight my whole life, but creeping into the obese side of things in my mid-twenties and discovering r/loseit gave me the motivation and knowledge I needed to lose weight purposefully for the first time in my life. The first time around, I lost a lot of weight (48lbs) quickly by eating 1200 calories daily - effective but I petered out after 6 months. After a couple years of slowly putting 20 pounds back on, I started my journey again 7 months ago and have been doing it slow and steady this time.
The backstory
I have been chubby/overweight the majority of my life, since puberty. On average since that time, I've probably ranged from 15 - 30 pounds above an "ideal" weight. I think this was primarily the result of having an insatiable sweet tooth and absolute lack of self control around food since a young age and not fully grasping the consequences of over-eating. Adults would simply tell me "eating too much of that will make you fat". Well, what does that mean, really, to a child? It's a reason to feel self-conscious as opposed to actually thinking about how excessive overeating can negatively effect your well-being. I really wish an adult had spoken to me rationally about food and nutrition, as opposed to projecting on to me. My mother in particular was very self-conscious about her weight (unlike me, she had been thin most of her life but put on some weight as she got older), and would often make negative comments about her body around me. I remember going on the cabbage soup diet with her when I was around 14 (did not last more than 24 hours, I think).
I was self-conscious of my weight as a teenager, but as I got older gained more confidence as I met other people who were confident with their weight. In my late teens - early twenties, I still overate (and drank), but biked or walked everywhere and maintained a weight of about 170-185 pounds (I didn't track my weight, but occasionally would step on the scale at my parents' house). There were certainly times when I wished I could lose weight, or thought that I could be more attractive if I were thinner, but in general I had a healthy relationship with my body.
Until one day, I didn't anymore. When I was 23, I moved back in with my parents and returned full time to university. I was also playing in bands and spent many weekends at the bar. I slowly started to notice that my clothes weren't fitting like they used to. One day, I stepped on the scale and saw my all-time highest weight: 210 lbs. This was really shocking for me, as I never imagined I could surpass 200. I was also convinced at this time that losing weight, for me, was impossible. I just didn't have what it took to lose weight (see cabbage soup diet!) and I had always hated exercise. I remember feeling trapped in my body and doomed to continue gaining weight forever. Then, a depressed internet search rabbit hole led me to r/loseit
I know I don't have to go into how I felt reading all the posts here as many of you have also experienced that feeling of suddenly realizing: I'm not alone!!!! I couldn't believe the amount of people discussing how they had never thought they could lose weight, but did it with the support of this community. And they weren't on any ridiculous diets or exercise routines or even paying any money to do it! It was the first time I had ever heard of the concept of actually losing weight through lifestyle change, and not disordered eating or following a fad diet.
Fast vs. Slow weight loss
I began my first weight loss journey the day after discovering this subreddit (this was 2015). I downloaded My Fitness Pal and set my calorie goal to 1200, despite many folks on the sub saying that this is more often than not an extreme calorie deficit. I didn't care, because (1) I was young and foolish and (2) I wanted to see the results happening quickly because I thought this was the only way I could stay motivated. And, to be fair, I was completely sedentary at this time. The only exercise I got was the 2 block walk to the bus stop and back.
Looking back, it is really difficult to imagine how I pulled off maintaining this deficit for so long. But I guess there were a few things working to my advantage: because of my irregular school and work schedule, I often ate alone and cooked for myself. I was in a relationship, but we were long distance so I didn't have to worry about restricting on dates. I was still somewhat social, but decided to quit the excessive drinking when out at shows. I immediately lost a good few pounds of water weight, and it's easy to see why when looking at past habits. On an average Friday, I would eat a full day's worth of food, go out to the bar and have a greasy pub-food dinner, 5-6 beers, then come home at 2am and make a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches before bed! On my calorie deficit, I gleefully watched as the scale went down at regular intervals of 2 pounds per week.
I kept this up for about 6 months (with a break over Christmas) and got down to my lowest adult weight of 164. I was (and am) incredibly proud of myself for this achievement. I had every intention to keep going, but a few things in my life changed (mainly, I moved in with a friend and became more social again, and I also got a full-time desk job), and the weight loss plan just sort of fell to the wayside. I gained a little bit back, but for the next couple of years, I was back at maintaining at that familiar zone of 170-180 lbs with very little effort and without calorie counting. For the record, I do consider this an accomplishment! I clearly learned something about my relationship with food from my first journey.
However, as of spring 2018, I was no longer maintaining, and once again my pants were getting a little too tight. I decided to buy a bathroom scale (I never had my own beforehand) and saw that I was creeping back up to 190. A familiar feeling returned: I am doomed to continue gaining weight forever. I can't keep it off. I could never go back to a 1200 calorie deficit and keep it up!
However, I really, truly wanted to return to my weight loss journey and get down to my goal weight of 155, which I had never reached the first time. This time around, 1200 just wasn't an option. It had seemed so easy the first time, but now, I couldn't even last a day at that deficit. I live with my partner now, work full time, and am very social. Somehow, I had to convince myself that I could lose weight slowly, with a smaller deficit, and still stick to it.
I started visiting loseit again around March of this year when I was ramping up to continuing my journey. Someone on here recommended the podcast Half Size Me, and how the host of that show focused a lot on maintenance. I started listening and (after getting past the horrible theme song, sorry), became addicted to this show! I love how the host talks about doing what's reasonable for you, thinking about how you will be maintaining these behaviors for the rest of your life, and most importantly, that a slow weight loss is more likely to have lasting results! This is what gave me the motivation I needed to start tracking again at a smaller deficit. After a few days of trial and error, I decided on making my daily calorie limit 1700. But I also did something else radical - I started exercising!
To aid in my weight loss, I decided to bite the bullet and incorporate exercise into my life. A few years ago, a friend had taken me to a spin class and I had, amazingly, really enjoyed it. However, it was too expensive for me to keep up the habit. This time around, I decided that paying for an exercise class I actually enjoyed was an act of investing in myself (and, of course, I was lucky enough to have a full time job to help me pay for it). For my entire life, I thought that the only reason to exercise was vanity - that people only did it to lose weight. I needed to realize that there are so many more benefits to regular exercise than this. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, exercising regularly for the past 5 months has been so beneficial to me. I have been going an average of 3 days a week since getting my membership - the longest I've ever committed to an exercise regimen.
I have been on my current weight loss journey since March of this year, and as of today I'm at 167.6 lbs. That's about 20 pounds in 7 months - longer than my first weight loss attempt and with less than half the weight lost as the first time around. And yet, I'm perhaps even prouder of myself this time around than I was the first time. I can't believe I've stuck to it for so long, let myself take breaks and indulge, and know that I can continue plugging away and still lose weight. There are lots of days when I go over my calorie limit. I track those days, see that the weight loss slows down, can make the logical connection of why it happened, and then I go back on my deficit. I have no intention of letting this weight loss journey end until I have hit my goal of 155 lbs - I goal I think is a realistic and maintainable weight for someone with my particular love of food.
It was so hard to convince myself that I could lose weight slowly and stick to it, but I'm so glad that I did. This is said a lot here, and it's true: the time will pass anyway! Go easy on yourself and figure out how to make your weight loss work for you for the long term. There are still times that I worry I will stop losing and gain the weight back - but then I look back on the months I've spent losing, how I was stuck at certain numbers for weeks and weeks at a time - and I remember that all I have to do is keep going. Honestly, I could go on, but I can't believe how long this post has gotten. Thank you if you've managed to read this far - I am looking forward to contributing to the discussions in this community and hopefully motivating others!
