I have a story to share with you all that I think could be motivating for anybody who has been struggling to pick up where they might have been on their journey a few months/weeks/years ago. It’s long-ish but I will add a TLDR at the end for anybody who is semi interested. I’ll even label each section of my story!
*My initial weight loss: * Back in late 2016, I was looking through wedding photos and noticed how overweight I was, I was hardly able to recognize myself. I began counting calories, exercising almost daily, and after a year or so I hit my lowest weight, I felt great about myself, I looked like a totally different person (see post history for photos).
College and divorce: Fast forward to January 2018, I reapplied to college to finish the bachelor’s degree I started and began the part-time worker, full-time student thing again. It was a difficult adjustment but I still managed to maintain my diet, and I found time for the gym (just not as much). In June 2018, I left my husband. We were high school sweethearts, but we grew into different people and I was no longer happy. I moved back in with my mom and dad for a short while, until I eventually moved into my own apartment a few minutes from school.
Weight gain and overall ugh-feeling: With all of that going on, I gained a little bit of weight back (10ish pounds) and my face was going through some stress breakouts, I also had gotten braces to fix my bottom teeth, and as a 24 year old with braces I felt like an older version of my awkward teenage self...so my self esteem was completely in the shitter. I couldn’t have felt worse about myself.
New boyfriend: In August, one of my coworkers asked me to go eat dinner with him. I wasn’t ready to start dating yet but we were good friends before, and we went eat dinner with our group of friends often, so I didn’t think it was a date. It wasn’t, but I enjoyed his company and looked forward to doing it again. A few weeks later he asked me again to dinner, this didn’t seem like a date either, but we ended up going play mini golf and he hugged me at the end of it all (I even had butterflies in my stomach)! After hanging out for a while, we started “officially” dating (and we still are). It was great because I didn’t think I was “worthy” of dating anybody since I was recently separated and my self esteem was garbage. I was honestly shocked that he liked me, but I went with it and I am so glad I did! Dating gave me the push I needed to get back into the gym and pay more attention to what I was eating.
Over the course of the year, I was able to maintain my weight and while I still wanted to lose more, it was just difficult to do, I was just happy to be able to maintain.
Spring/summer 2019: I still hadn’t filed for divorce at this point, because I was busy with schoolwork and my mom was having doctor appointments more frequently that she needed me to bring her to. I also had a chair position in a sorority that kept me pretty busy, so I just didn’t have time to handle it yet.. during this time my healthy eating had slipped since I was on the road so much, and going to the gym didn’t really happen. I also found out around this time via credit karma that my ex was late on the house payments, and when I asked him about it he said he was “handling” it. I couldn’t really help him with anything because I had rent of my own and I was told he had a roommate at the house helping him.
I finally had time to file for divorce and get that taken care of, and I also found out that the house was going to be foreclosed on. He was moving in with his parents out of state.
Cue the nightmare: With that chapter of my life being over, I was ready to get back in track with my diet and fitness goals, graduate in December, and find a new job (we had a new manager at our job and she was unfair to all of the staff, 4 people with 5+ years with the company ended up leaving under her). I thought that my last semester would be my best, I’d finish with a 4.0, and I’d be back to my old self. i was sooo wrong.
A few days after my birthday, my mom had to go to the emergency room for some bleeding complications. They ended up admitting her to ICU, moving her to a different hospital, and I spent most of my free time that week driving to visit with her and my dad. After about a week, they let her go home (without fixing the issue). After a few days, she ended up back in the ICU at a completely different hospital in another city. She stayed in there for a while, and I think they may have let her go home a few times, but she always ended up back in the ICU. It was my definition of a waking nightmare. My mom has always had heart problems and health issues since I was younger, and seeing her in the hospital for this long truly worried me.
To cheer her up, I brought my cap and gown to the hospital after buying it at the grad expo. Her face lit up so much, she took pictures of me, and she was talking about buying an outfit for my graduation and going shopping with me when she finally gets out of the hospital.
Finally, they solved the problem. They let her go. I finally felt relief and I was able to sleep at night again! After a long week home, something else came up, and she had to go back. It was a minor issue, so we didn’t think anything of it, we assumed it would be a quick fix and she’d be back home.
After a few days in the hospital, my dad called me in the middle of the night, frantic, because my mom had a stroke and wasn’t responding at all. My boyfriend and I got to the hospital as fast as we could, it was an hour drive, and when I finally got there, a team of neurosurgeons were putting consent forms in my dads face to tell him that they had to open her head up and drain the bleeding if she were to have a chance at all.
The surgery was successful (as good as it could have gone), but she never improved and stayed unconscious for days. As per her wishes before this happened, we gave her a week on life support to try to improve. Without improvement, we had to make the hardest decision ever, and we took her off of the life support machines. She passed away roughly a month before my graduation.
the grief: Getting through the last month of school was hard enough by itself. I hardly made it, but I was pushed by my friends and my family to finish, because I promised my mom that I would.
I ended up quitting my job, because they didn’t want to let me have my graduation or my final exams off, and my boyfriend quit shortly after me.
I was able to make it to the gym some days, but healthy eating was completely nonexistent, and I ended up falling off of the maintenance train and I gained another 10 pounds. So I went from 150 at my lowest, back to 169. I pretty much have been carrying my dad through this tough time, so I felt bad about myself but I had more important things to worry about.
2020: Two months after my moms death, and I finally cleared my focus to my weight issue. For a week now, I’ve counted every single calorie that has gone into my body, I have avoided snacking, and my boyfriend and I signed up for a new gym and have went for a few runs this week, and worked out a few times.
I’m avoiding weighing myself for now, because I don’t want to focus completely on the number on the scale. I’m trying to reinforce the good habits I’ve built back up and get a solid routine again before I even worry about the number on the scale. I’m planning to take another month off or so before finding a job, and I’m going to use this time productively and spend it trying to improve myself.
In April, my best friend is getting married, and I purchased my bridesmaid dress back when I was still a size 8. I haven’t tried the dress on in a few months, so my goal is to comfortably fit in it again. My braces are also (supposed to be) getting taken off around this time, so I think April is gonna be my big milestone! I’m bummed about the year I have had, but I think my story demonstrates a person’s ability to pull through some terrible shit and come out stronger than before.
If you’ve hit a slump in your weight loss or if you have slacked off for a while, (as cliche as it is) it’s a new year, and SO much can happen in one year. Instead of focusing on the number on the scale, think about how much better your body feels when it’s had some exercise and fueled with healthy meals. Bad things happen to good people all of the time, but being able to pull ourselves out of the rut makes us better than we were before. So don’t give up, no matter how hard it gets :)
Tldr: after hitting my goal weight, I went through a divorce, my ex lost the house, my mom died a few months later, and all of that caused me to gain around 20 pounds. After all of the depression and grief, (that I’m still going through) I’m going to go back to my old habits. I’ve kept a food log for a week now (more than I have in a long time), and have consistently exercised. Don’t ever give up :)
If you read all of that, thank you. I’ve been through hell and back in the last year, and typing all of that definitely pulled some tears out of me. My story means a lot to me and I hope my words mean something to all of you too, and I hope that if you’re in need of some motivation, that my story gave you some.
