I've been reading this sub for support, understanding, and encouragement for a while - and it always helps me! I have been reflecting on my whys and how on this weight gain and loss journey, and just needed to vent it out I guess... So here is my own journey.
I was always active as a kid, into sports and my first job was involved in sports. So I was constantly moving and staying fit. At the end of high school I was about 135lbs and looking back I was still in shape and looked great, but at the time felt terrible about my body.
Then high school ended and...
My dad, who quit smoking over 20 years before, who had become pre-diabetic and changed his life style drastically and sustainably to become the healthiest he'd been in decades, who was 53 running less than an 8 minute mile, and who was the person I love most in this world, gets cancer. So I think... what's the point in taking care of yourself when shit will hit the fan no matter what.
As he declines, I decline. Over the next two years he gets weaker and slower and starts to lose control of his body. I stop being active, stop taking care of myself mentally and physically, and start gaining weight rapidly without noticing. Listen, those last two years of his life were definitely the hardest, but there were some really amazing times in there for us too, but that's not for this post.
So I go from 135 to 185 in about 2 year and then I finally notice and think oh shit, I need to get this under control. I won't let myself get over 190. And then I won't let myself go over 195. But I refuse to be over 200, that's crazy! Then I'm 23 yo and stop checking the scale at 220 (stopped checking, let's not pretend I stopped gaining).
So now, I'm going to love myself, right?! I'm going to own this body and think to myself that this is where my body wants to be, I'm just a plus sized person and there's nothing I can do but accept that and move on! But my back is always hurting and my knees are always aching. And my snoring is getting crazy. And I have a test on the third floor and by the time I walk up I have to go to the bathroom to cool down before I walk in the room so no one can see the sweat through my shirt. I'm out of breath walking to the mailbox...
I'm 25 and get engaged, and I start looking at wedding dresses and it hits me that my friends I haven't seen in years will see me 100 lbs over what I was. And I spiral into the pits of "how did I let this happen". So then I work on fixing my mental health. Pull out of the depression pit I didn't even realize I had lived in for the last 6 years, and start opening my mind to the potential of being an all around healthier person. But if I'm being honest, the biggest motivator for me at this point was, I just don't want to be a plus size bride when I know that I don't have to be.
So now I'm in a better headspace and I start to put in the work. Calorie tracking and working out with an amazing group of people to keep me accountable with check-ins and encouragement. I'm 25 yo at 165. I'm overweight, but I get married knowing I'm no longer obese. But I also lose my wedding as a deadline for motivation to keep going...
Then the pandemic. I'm 26 and 175lbs and think, mehh, I'm maintaining alright. Then I'm 28 and 182lbs and trending up. And there is this moment when I realize, this is it. This is the point where I get control or I live in denial the rest of my life pretending that the health problems that I know will come if I continue like this won't be because of my weight... and I want kids. But I want to be able to parent activity and join in the fun, and practice the sports, and run around with them. I cannot do that living the way I'm living. And I also just want to feel good.
That was 8 months ago. In that time I went from 182 to 124. I started WW (I know, I know, but hey, it worked for me and if it works it works), and I started working out slow and now I workout hard.
I could write a novel of my tips, tricks, ups and down and advice for what's worked for me. The times I was so happy with my success. The times I sobbed thinking I could never keep this up. The times I felt myself become mentally unhealthy over analyzing, and how I worked to step back from that while still moving forward with my goals... and if anyone wants to hear more about those things, I'm here for it.
But this is just my throwaway account to remind anyone who needs to hear it - whatever reasons you have for being in this weight loss situation, whatever wave you are riding to get to your goals, whatever phase in your journey to become your own best you you are in... You're not alone. Hold on to your why and keep putting in the work. You've got this.
All this to say, in the wise words of Eric Mathews: "life's tough, get a helmet".
