Progress pictures for you scrollers
So so so
I considered skipping writing this post. But I know I took so much support from lovely long posts by fellow redditors here on r/loseit that I decided to take an hour or two off and write this down.
I was waiting for this day since forever (nine months ago). And when it came, I couldn't believe it. Nothing big happens really, it is this slow change that you were waiting for forever. But that's the thing. That warm wave of accomplishment engulfs you and you feel so warm and good and proud of the journey your body, your mind, your emotion and your determination worked together to achieve.
Charts for those of you who got till here
And now, Storytime:
I was a fat kid. I remember 4th grade when the entire class got weighed for some camp, I was at 105lb/48kg and all my friends were half my weight. It was at that point, I first remember feeling fat. But, I have to admit, I was never bullied or made fun of. I sailed through high school with great friends. I was never in the girls-with-boys gang. I was more in the Harry Potter gang. Suited me well, didn't miss out.
In 8th grade, my uncle and aunt once asked me to lose weight. They pulled me aside and told me this. I felt ashamed. I also did not like that my parents were not around when they were giving me this advice. But I had no clue how to do this. I let it go.
In 10th grade, I had to custom make my school uniform. That was a really humiliating, unexpected moment for me on new-books-day. I was not standard uniform size. That had never happened before. Sure stuff was tight, but I never was out-of-size. Me and one other girl(we are still close) had to go after hours to visit the tailor and make custom uniforms. She was convinced it was becasue she was tall. But it was because we were fat more than because we were tall.
After my major exams in 10th grade, I remember stepping on a scale and it showing something a tad less than 90. It could have been 86-89kg. I knew I never wanted to see 200lb/90kg on the scale. That was my limit for some reason. I turned to address my weight.
Looking back, number of things helped incredibly, including an insentive attempt at humor by a boy, a huge acne problem I had (the doctor told me to avoid chocolates, oily food, bread, etc and direct sunlight), my parents' refusal to buy me a moped because I was below legal age (I bought a cycle with my accumulated pocket money). I consciously ate less food to lose weight. I also moved around a lot more than I did in school, going to classes and tuition. In 1 year, I was around 60kg. This was 2010.
I put on a couple of kgs and lost them over the years, staying around 140lb/65kg.
In 2016, I went on a Himalayan trek. I run everyday and do all these exercises. I am on top of the exercise game. Before the trek, we weigh ourselves. I weigh the same as my husband. :O WHAT. 168lb /76kg. I did the trek successfully except the last day was tough because of a bug.
Before we left and after we got back, everyone assumed it would be difficult for me. On the trek, people were amazed that I had stamina. I was a little upset that people assumed it would be difficult for me. Why? I run so much, bro. My husband can't do half my time. Why do you assume I will have problems? The weight had crept back on my body but not in my mind.
A lot of things started bothering me after the trek. I became exreemly sensitive to comments on weight. I took offence where (propbably) none was meant. I didn't want to be photographed. I also got sad/moody/depressed often. I questioned big life choices. I was just unhappy in general. I needed a sense of accomplishment associated with me, not shame, maybe.
On 22 May 2018, I started my weight loss journey. I wanted to lose the 35lb/15kg I had gained slowly over the decade. I took the leap. I had to get to my lowest weight, ~136lb/61 kg.
Nine months later, here I am. I have delivered my food baby. I remember making this joke a year ago, that if someone asks me if I am planning to have a baby, that's what I would say, that I already have a food baby inside me. I was instantly reprimanding myself for making a fat joke. Bad.
I have been seeing 59 on the scale for the last week- that's frikkin 130 lbs!!! I have NEVER been this weight in my adult life. I never saw "5" something on the scale. I love peeing and seeing 59 in the morning. Feels so good soon after I get out of bed.
I am so darn proud of me. The sun is still setting in the West, life goes on. But Valentine's day 2019 has me loving myself for accomplishing this.
I set out to do something and did not give up halfway- after a long time. That feels good.
I did something that is good for me - emotionally, mentally and physically. THAT. FEELS. GOOD.
Under 400 calorie lunches for over a month, documented to remind me of the change I made.
All of you who are thinking of starting, who are starting again, who are gaining and disappointed, who are losing, who are maintaining... I'm rooting for you. This is a journey that takes a lot of mental and physical long term effort. You got this! <3
