Trying not to treat myself so badly any more (SW 84 kg, CW 70 kg, 178 cm, mostly vegan)

Okay. Shit. I think this is the first time I actually say all of this out loud. Or write it out loud. I'm 26 and I feel like I was half asleep for the first 23 years of my life. Sorry for the wall of text in advance.

So. Hi. I've been lurking on here for the past week or so. Found you via /r/fatlogic and I kinda liked it here. So, weight loss backstory, I always was more or less overweight (BMI 24-26/27). I had a time in my teens where I was kind of eating disordered due to general intense self loathing. I'm not any more but sometimes I feel the disordered thought patterns creeping up. Two years ago I stumbled across a rather similar community to here and felt motivated to actually do something. I didn't even know I could. It was the first time in years that something I wanted to achieve actually worked. Maybe the first time ever. This and making it through EMT training are in a way the only things I ever accomplished for myself. And I really don't have a lot of accomplishments to show off, I fucked up most of the things I tried my hand at. I had a physically challenging job back then, so when I started cutting calories the weight literally fell off me. In the last two years I've lost 14 kg without really intending to.

(CN suicide for the following part)

I'm happy about that. But only part of it was because I did it on purpose. At least 10 kg of this I lost because the last year was horrible on me. I moved to a city I love but I lost all my friends in the process, and a lifetime of trauma, isolation and dysfunction caught up on me. Big time. Add a dysfunctional relationship and being majorly broke for most of the time, and yeah... I kinda forgot to eat, mostly. Too sad and too stressed out.

I'm in a better place right now but I spent most of the year in crisis mode, and November through January was a continuous mental breakdown, to the point where I only managed to not off myself because I was heavily medicated and some of the friends I did make during the year showed up for crisis support. I'm off the meds for now and I'm trying to recollect myself. I'm definitely worn out and I will need time. But most of all I noticed that some things have to change because either they do or I'll just continue to kill myself gradually.

I don't just want a place to talk about weight loss, even though that's important to me. For me, it's about not neglecting myself any more in general. I'm in the process of getting treatment for my ADHD. I want to find therapy (the useful kind for a change). I want to learn to take myself to the doctor instead of just ignoring everything and weathering on. I don't want to mistreat myself any more just because I'm used to neglect. I'm trans and I only found out 2 years ago, so wanting to change my body is also due to dysphoria.

I'm not used to taking care of myself and it scares me a lot. I want to do weight training and I want to lose 6-8 kg more so I can look more like the person I hope to see in the mirror, but I want to do it in a way that doesn't enable the self hate I'm carrying with me.

If you actually read all of that, thanks. Hi. I'm here.

tl;dr I'm trans, I'm broke, I'm mostly vegan, I have ADHD that was never treated, life fucked me over, I want to lose 6-8 kg and gradually ease into exercising more, I want to have a life in general and take care of myself instead of kicking myself around.

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I’ve been losing weight without trying these past two weeks...

In the last two weeks, I’ve lost 4lbs. In the last year since I’ve been on this weight loss journey, this has never happened.

Also, these last two weeks, I’ve been eating pretty badly, and around 1500cals vs the recommended 1000-1200 recommended for weight loss. I haven’t been going to the gym. My sleep schedule has been really off (I’ve been having difficulty falling asleep recently- though there are non-health reasons for this as well).

Has anyone else experienced this, and should I be concerned? Or could it be hormonal / just be water weight coming off?

Posting this because I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, and terrified of developing diabetes which runs rampant in my family.

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"New ID required. Reason: Weight loss"

For the past year or so, every time I've had to show my driver's license, I get one of two reactions: quizzical, skeptical looks, followed by a raised eyebrow; or a (usually) friendly comment about how I look nothing like my photo anymore.

But in the last few months especially, my ID has started to be more of a hindrance than anything else. It culminated in December when I very nearly wasn't allowed to board a flight to Texas because the agent at the security checkpoint couldn't verify the ID was mine.

So I finally bit the bullet last week and went to the DMV to take a new photo. In DC, you can't simply request a new photo to be taken if you don't like yours, so on the application the employee had to make a note about why I was getting a new photo while my license is still current. And on the form she wrote "New ID required. Reason: weight loss."

The new ID arrived in the mail today. It's a little thing, but holding the two photos side by side was a good reminder of how far I've come on this journey. Also: holy hell, my hair back then....

Pics: https://imgur.com/a/0jO47HP

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It's the one-year anniversary of starting my weight loss journey so I opened a letter I wrote to myself for this day!

I started tracking my calories on March 12th 2018. I added exercise into my routine about a month into my journey by doing the C25K program. I went on a travel abroad trip to Panama and Costa Rica at the end of June, beginning of July. Lost 5 lbs just from that trip because we never had a dull moment, we were just constantly going on different excursions.

Unfortunately, after I returned from my trip I kinda lost my motivation and lazily tracked my calories and went to the gym. I coasted through the holidays and into the beginning of 2019 with my weight not fluctuating too drastically (lucky me!). More recently I've gotten my fire back again and I've been tracking more dutifully and also intermittent fasting (16:8 with a 24 hr fast very rarely).

So that's a brief back story! On May 10th 2018 I decided to write a letter to myself to read on March 12th 2019. I thought this would be something fun for me to look forward to and also something to help commemorate the date I decided to change my life.

The pictures: the decorated envelope, 1st page of letter, 2nd page of letter

What have I accomplished since I wrote this letter? I've lost a total of 42 lbs. I completed the C25K program. I haven't run in a 5k yet but I will this August. I tried kickboxing with some coworkers.

So while I haven't reached my goal weight yet, I've made it pretty far. :)

tl;dr; I wrote a letter to myself to read on the anniversary of the start of my weight loss journey!

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Any explanation for this stall in my weight loss?

Hi all.

​

So, I seem to have it a stall in my weight loss and I am not sure why.

I started out out 295-298. Over the course of about 1.5 months, I am down 20 pounds to 275.

I've been aiming for 1,800 calories per day, but typically come in just under that.

March 11: 1,505

March 10: 1,197

March 9: 1,252

March 8: 1,399

March 7: 1,209

I also try to stay about 100G of carbs per day, but I usually blow through that number and hit around 150-175G of carbs per day.

As you can see in the following picture, I have been stuck at 276-275 pounds for about five days now: https://imgur.com/a/n2zw6ph

Am I simply at the point where all the water weight came off and now I'm burning fat slowly? Or is there something else at play?

Any advice to help keep me motivated would be great!

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“Targeting” Fat

Resident Shitty Dieter Here,

Yesterday I read a post about beer belly on r/ExplainLikeImFive and from this answer, https://reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/azzxtj/_/eibb8ei/?context=1, I learned about Visceral and Subcutaneous fats.

Early on in my weight loss journey, I learned that it is not possible to target areas to lose fat in, but the opposite is true for muscle growth. Building off this, I was also under the impression that exercise is not as significant as your diet when it comes to fat loss. But after learning about the two types of fats, it seems the above is true only when it comes to Subcutaneous fat. The ELI5 answer and a bunch of google results suggest that exercise is the most effective way to tackle Visceral fat.

The sources I got this information had subjective content mixed in their article, so I’m wary to accept this as the “Truth Until Otherwise Proven^TM”. I’m here to ask the community for a favor and to educate me on the matter.

Regardless of what I learn, for a number of reasons, I still hold firm the belief that changes in other areas such as sleep and diet must be gradually made before it comes to exercise. I’ve also concluded that diet has a greater impact on combined fats when compared to exercise.

What I really want to know if it is possible to target fat loss in area(s) that is dominated by visceral fat while leaving most of the subcutaneous fat alone? I.e., Would a person be able to slim down their belly fat while leaving most of their fat in other areas?

I’d go on a bit more, but I’ve gotta go to work now.

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Some tips from one who has failed , but is now succeeding

None of this will be new to the vets of the sub, but there are always fresh people coming in so I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in just because I've changed a few things that have really helped me be more consistent and lose weight faster:

1. At first I didn't count calories during the weekend at all because it's the hardest time for me when I'm with my partner and don't have the control I have during the week. Big mistake. By not counting over the wkend, every Monday became "starting over" instead of staying on course. And think about it: all the weekends in the month amount to over a week! That's at least a pound a month I used to not lose. Now that I count every weekend also, it keeps me in line and forces me to see how many extra calories I'm shoving in, and THAT makes me stop eating so much. Seeing that I only have X more calories for the day can really put the brakes on gorging. Staying consistent just makes counting a part of life, too, instead of it seeming like a hassle I have to go through every week, then I get a break from it during the wkend. Additionally, all those extra calories do add up for the next week too.
2. I now always count during car trips and vacations. I used to think that vacation was a time to give up on the scheme entirely. No longer. We used to get a Costco sized bag of Veggie Straws or Sun Chips for every road trip. Did you know that ONE sun chip has 10 calories? Hells Bells, I used to not count and therefore would eat probably 800 calories in one sitting. Bringing healthier snacks is so much smarter, OR I allot myself a set amount. I'll tell you what, though, eating only 10 or 15 of those is more masochistic than just not having them in my presence at all!
3. This may be the most controversial, but it's been a game changer for me. I skip breakfast, then go to the gym, then have a protein bar for snack before lunch. I've learned this about myself: I like a bigger dinner and can't seem to stop myself from going over in the evening, so cutting out breakfast is worth it for me. Some might argue that I workout less energetically, but it's always been the actual calories that seem to to be the biggest problem, not the burning of them. It also allows me to have a nightly "dessert" of a yogurt and blueberry concoction I make.
4. I just don't believe I'm burning 700 calories on the elliptical in an hour, so I've started entering in around 400 instead. I really think some of those machines are NOT accurate, so I've taken it upon myself to give a value that I think is more appropriate. My hiking app tried telling me I burned 1100 calories on a 6 mile hike. I just don't believe it. If I adhered to those numbers, I'd be allowing myself SO many more calories a day that would just hold me back. I think they want you to feel good about exercising, but in the end it's really pretty scummy of them. Yes, perhaps if the hike was a super aggressive double black with an extreme grade it might burn a lot more, but most hikes (in my area at least) are quite a bit more tame. I hear the treadmill is the most accurate (put it on incline for burning WAY more). I do know that getting some extra calories to eat by working out helps me. I like to not feel like I'm starving all day so it's a good side benefit that I'm also getting in excellent shape.
5. If I'm not absolutely sure of how many calories something is (like at a restaurant, or I don't have time to weigh it or whatever), I err on the side of way more than what I "want" it to equal. I admit that sometimes at the end of the day when I'm getting to the red zone I want to fudge the numbers a bit to stay in the green. If I put in a little more earlier in the day then I feel like if I go over a bit it won't be as huge a deal. You have to be careful with this though because you might start assuming you have more calories than you do. I used to set my clock in the car 5 minutes fast, for instance, and got used to thinking I had that extra 5 minutes, so the same can happen here. I only usually go over 20ish calories unless it's a restaurant meal.
6. I listen to my body better now. For instance, last night I ate fish, asparagus, and instant mashed potatoes (yeah, I know, but I like them). Part of me wanted to get more but I felt my stomach and could tell it was actually satisfied. I liked the taste and wanted to keep eating for pleasure but it's not worth it after doing so good all day, and I had eaten plenty and was definitely full enough. Eating slower also seems to help to so the brain can catch up with the stomach.
7. I can be super indecisive but now I have eating habits that make life easier. I have my morning snack and don't have to think about what I'm going to eat. Many of my lunches are either salads or a Madras lentil pack. Easy. I realize it's good to vary the diet but during weight loss, not having to think too much about what I'll have removes a lot of wasted energy from life. Dinner is sort of the only meal that I put any thought into, and that's fine because it's my favorite and preparing it has become actually something to look forward to than to dread (as is usual).

Sorry this was so much longer than I intended but more ideas kept popping up.

Most importantly remember that numbers don't lie. Don't do yourself the disservice of cheating when counting the calories. It doesn't help. Be honest with yourself and don't beat yourself up if you go over, but don't not input those real numbers to attempt to make yourself feel better about slipping. If you have to, track every time you eat because it helps keep you in line, I think. One thing I know for sure about myself is that counting is the ONLY way I've ever lost weight.

tldr: count and track!

​

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