"Teasing" from an obese family member about health journey

I have been on a health/fitness/weight loss journey since April, due to the fact that covid-19 had worse outcomes for people who are in poor health. I have maintained a disciplined regimen of daily workouts, healthy eating and calorie deficit. I've lost, to date, 18 pounds, which took me from an overweight bmi, to the top end of the healthy weight range.

I live with my sister, who is on the small side of an obese bmi. When I initially had my epiphany about the importance of health and fitness, I tried to encourage her along with me. She is an intelligent lady. An attorney. I assumed she would see the evidence and make the change too. That has pretty much failed. She makes excuses to not work out, continues buying ice cream regularly and eating junk food. I decided to give up on changing her mind and continue my path.

However, I have noticed that she makes snarky comments often about my journey and does small things to try to undermine it. She tries to suggest that we both go get some fast food. Or that I go to the local fast food place and get her some food. She has bought ice cream for me even though I have stated that I no longer eat ice cream. She questions me about the point of life without the pleasure of "good" [unhealthy] food. She makes comments about how thin I'm getting and represents my efforts as me trying to get as thin as possible primarily. Whenever she sees me preparing healthy meals for myself, she makes snarky comments about my salads. After a certain point I no longer engaged her or responded to any of her "teasing". But she persisted. She offers unsolicited nutrition advice like, for example, I was preparing my lunch for work the other day, trying to maximise the amount of veggies and protein in my lunch box, with a tiny portion of rice, she watched me and commented, "A cup of rice is a serving size." I just said, "thanks" and continued what I was doing.

The lack of engagement on my part, and the persistence on her part prompted me to confront her today. I asked her why she does that even though I dont engage it, and she says she is just teasing and it amuses her. I said i dont find it funny. She said it doesn't matter. I have suggested that her characterizing my health journey as primarily an effort to get as skinny as possible is putting it in a negative light. And perhaps humour that amuses yourself at the expense of being negative to someone else might not be a very kind thing. I asked her how would she feel if I relentlessly commented on how fat she is or her unhealthy food choices. She said that's different because she's teasing me about a good thing. She didnt see it as a big deal. Said I was "crucifying" her for a very tiny thing. And that I should be secure enough in myself and what I doing to not be upset about it.

She is an otherwise very giving and good person. Should I have just shrugged it off? Was I being too sensitive?

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Not sure where else to post this but I just stumbled on r/fasting and I hope I'm not the only one that is absolutely appalled - It's a super dangerous ED paradise and an extremely unhealthy weightloss technique.

Huge ED trigger warning for the sub mentioned, if you're feeling sensitive please have a nice day and don't go there.

I have been doing IF on my journey and found it reasonable. Because, you know, you have an eating window. You focus on eating nutricious meals and cutting out snacking and re-embracing your natural drive and hunger over cravings.

However, 2 weeks only drinking water? 30 DAYS with NO FOOD at all just water and coffee?!?!?! That's what r/fasting is pushing as if it's a miracle weightloss technique.

I shouldn't have to say it but THIS IS SO DANGEROUS!

And it is being portrayed as if it's as healthy a weight loss technique and lumped in with IF. I think IF is fine but certainly not for everyone, especially not people that are ED vulnerable and have issues around food relationships.

So how is simply NOT EATING for weeks on end ok??? There are young, impressionable people on this site. R/fasting is deeply, deeply disturbing me and I'm so upset by the delusional people posting there.

Has anyone else come across this sub? I am so aghast. Truly. Don't know where else to post but I see that loseit promotes HEALTHY weight loss so curious if it's been discussed before.

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How do you cope with a lack of support?

My stats - F, 31, 5'4". SW: 170, CW: 167, GW: 140

I'm just starting out on my fitness and weight loss adventure, but I'm enjoying the momentum I have for now through tracking calories and exercising every morning.

My parents visited today for the first time since March, and I faced nothing but ridicule and comments about my body, which were delivered either as I was exercising (if my mom or dad walked by) or right after I finished. They also scoffed each time I left the room to go to the basement for a work out. I guess... I just wasn't expecting it and it dealt me a blow. I thought they would be proud of my efforts. I've always been on the larger side, and after having three kids, I'm just trying to get my body healthy to be able to stay fit and active for them. It also just feels so nice to take care of myself for a change.

My parents have always been sedentary, and my mom is obese and in general poor health. Could it be jealousy? Regret? She had to have her knee replaced at age 50, in no small part thanks to her lifestyle, and I just want to avoid that (though I have never offered commentary on that).

Has anyone faced similar discouragement? I think I'm also just feeling it compounded because I seem to have developed runner's knee (see above for an extra dose of anxiety about that 😬)

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Under 200lbs and out of obesity for the first time in nearly a decade!!

Starting weight: 283lbs. Current Weight: 198!! I’ve lost 86 lbs and 40 inches (10" off my stomach alone!). After 25 years of being on the weight loss roller coaster, I'm finally on the path to get off this ride and I want to share!

Photos from 2017 and today: https://imgur.com/a/1C5xY1c

Feel free to skip the ramble and just go skim the bulleted lists :)

The last time I weighed less than 200 was in 2011, and the time before that was 2004. I don’t even know what my body looked like then. I have no photos of myself that are not fully clothed and I took no pleasure in my body. In my mind I was worthless and disgusting and still had so much more to lose before I could ever deserve to be happy.

Today I find myself flexing my biceps and marveling at my midsection. I’m amazed by my calves and shoulder definition. I'’m far from perfect - I’m older, saggier and floppier than ever before, but I can appreciate my body for housing me. The biggest lesson I have finally learned is that I have value and worthwhile contributions that do not depend on my size or weight. My body is my partner, not my enemy. I am worth taking care of because I want to enjoy all life has to offer for at least another 40 years.

----

The 3 types of habits that are helping me succeed:

Mental habits

• Changing my thinking patterns around binging and emotional eating.
• Building self worth/recognizing the value I bring to the world.
• Removing stress and adding setting boundaries especially at work.

These are the most important changes by far and a bullet point can't provide enough detail. I keep trying to write it out but each one is almost as long as this post. If there is any interest, I can write those posts.

The TL;DR takeaway is: Hating myself thin does not work. I have 25 years of evidence that trying to hate myself thin will neither make me thin nor happy. Taking care of myself and treating myself kindly results in being a better friend, wife, family member, employee etc.

Tracking habits

• Logging what I eat/calories (My Fitness Pal). I was really against tracking in the beginning. It seemed too hard, too time consuming etc. Over the past 3 years, this is how the process evolved:

1. Writing down what I ate each day. No judging, just writing it down and noticing patterns.
2. Calculating calories for some of my most frequently eaten meals & making small changes to make them lower calorie.
3. Calculating my meals every day. This gets so much easier over time as I build a catalogue of frequently eaten meals and recipes. This now takes about 5 mins per day.
4. Planning ahead. E.g. If I'm going to a bbq on Sunday, I'll use MFP to plan my Saturday and Sunday meals to make sure I have the calorie room for Sunday and guesstimate the foods I will eat at the bbq.

• Logging my weight (Happy Scale). I know this doesn't work for everyone, but this was super vital for understanding patterns with my body/cycle. My weight loss plateaus for 8-11 days twice a month. A typical month:
  • plateau 8-11 days
  • see a loss for 5 days (big whoosh, usually 4-5 lbs)
  • plateau 8-11 days
  • see scale decrease over 5 days (again a big whoosh)

I think it's important to highlight that according to the scale, only 33% of the month I’m actively losing weight. Without tracking to see the patterns I would have probably given up, thinking that what I was doing wasn't working. Now I know to stay the course!

Lifestyle habits

• Eating at restaurants less often. Previously, between picking up lunch on work days, going for weekend brunches and nights out etc I was eating at restaurants 8-10 times per week. Now eating at restaurants is a treat, usually only once a week. Once I am at goal and have extra calories with maintenance this may increase.
• Making good food at home. This goes hand and hand with the above item, but I think that it's really important to have food you like at home, otherwise you will keep going back to your restaurant favourites. It definitely helps that I have a husband on board with cooking. I cook lunches and weekend suppers. He cooks suppers and weekend brunches. We use an app called Platejoy for meal planning and ideas when we're getting bored. r/1200isplenty and r/1500isplenty have been great sources of meal and snack ideas. We also experiment with healthier versions of our favourites (tortilla pizzas, taco bowls, mug cakes, pasta primavera etc).
• Walking every day. This is not just about exercise, but that is a great side effect. This is to have time to process thoughts and be in nature each day. I have been getting up at 6am to go for socially distant walks and this keeps my mood and thoughts calmer and clearer all day.
• Getting enough sleep. This goes hand in hand with the above, but in order to be able to wake up early, I needed to start going to bed early. It also helps keep me from being tired and cranky and eating to soothe a bad mood. Things that help me go to sleep early and stay asleep all night:
  • Enabling night mode on all my devices from 8pm onward
  • A hard 'no-screen time' rule after 10pm
  • Reading before bed

----

None of this happened over night; this is the result of slowly layering small changes over top of small changes and tweaking over time. I still have 35 lbs to go to my final goal weight and I am confident I will get there. I am even more confident that no matter what my weight, age, size etc, I am worth taking care of and will continue to take care good care of this body!

Thank you to this sub for being a safe place to share my journey and get inspiration!

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Day 1? Starting your weight loss journey on Wednesday, 17 June 2020? Start here!

Today is your Day 1?

Welcome to r/Loseit!

So you aren’t sure of how to start? Don’t worry! “How do I get started?” is our most asked question. r/Loseit has helped our users lose over 1,000,000 recorded pounds and these are the steps that we’ve found most useful for getting started.

Why you’re overweight

Our bodies are amazing (yes, yours too!). In order to survive before supermarkets, we had to be able to store energy to get us through lean times, we store this energy as adipose fat tissue. If you put more energy into your body than it needs, it stores it, for (potential) later use. When you put in less than it needs, it uses the stored energy. The more energy you have stored, the more overweight you are. The trick is to get your body to use the stored energy, which can only be done if you give it less energy than it needs, consistently.

Before You Start

The very first step is calculating your calorie needs. You can do that HERE. This will give you an approximation of your calorie needs for the day. The next step is to figure how quickly you want to lose the fat. One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories. So to lose 1 pound of fat per week you will need to consume 500 calories less than your TDEE (daily calorie needs from the link above). 750 calories less will result in 1.5 pounds and 1000 calories is an aggressive 2 pounds per week.

Tracking

Here is where it begins to resemble work. The most efficient way to lose the weight you desire is to track your calorie intake. This has gotten much simpler over the years and today it can be done right from your smartphone or computer. r/loseit recommends an app like MyFitnessPal, Loseit! (unaffiliated), or Cronometer. Create an account and be honest with it about your current stats, activities, and goals. This is your tracker and no one else needs to see it so don’t cheat the numbers. You’ll find large user created databases that make logging and tracking your food and drinks easy with just the tap of the screen or the push of a button. We also highly recommend the use of a digital kitchen scale for accuracy. Knowing how much of what you're eating is more important than what you're eating. Why? This may explain it.

Creating Your Deficit

How do you create a deficit? This is up to you. r/loseit has a few recommendations but ultimately that decision is yours. There is no perfect diet for everyone. There is a perfect diet for you and you can create it. You can eat less of exactly what you eat now. If you like pizza you can have pizza. Have 2 slices instead of 4. You can try lower calorie replacements for calorie dense foods. Some of the communities favorites are cauliflower rice, zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash in place of their more calorie rich cousins. If it appeals to you an entire dietary change like Keto, Paleo, Vegetarian.

The most important thing to remember is that this selection of foods works for you. Sustainability is the key to long term weight management success. If you hate what you’re eating you won’t stick to it.

Exercise

Is NOT mandatory. You can lose fat and create a deficit through diet alone. There is no requirement of exercise to lose weight.

It has it’s own benefits though. You will burn extra calories. Exercise is shown to be beneficial to mental health and creates an endorphin rush as well. It makes people feel awesome and has been linked to higher rates of long term success when physical activity is included in lifestyle changes.

Crawl, Walk, Run

It can seem like one needs to make a 180 degree course correction to find success. That isn’t necessarily true. Many of our users find that creating small initial changes that build a foundation allows them to progress forward in even, sustained, increments.

Acceptance

You will struggle. We have all struggled. This is natural. There is no tip or trick to get through this though. We encourage you to recognize why you are struggling and forgive yourself for whatever reason that may be. If you overindulged at your last meal that is ok. You can resolve to make the next meal better.

Do not let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of progress. We don’t need perfect. We just want better.

Additional resources

Now you’re ready to do this. Here are more details, that may help you refine your plan.

• Quick Start Guide - Build your foundation!
• Loseit Compendium - Frame it out!
• FAQ - Answers to our most Frequently Asked Questions!

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Reflections on the first ten weeks of change

I'm 35 years old, male, and 5' 8". I've always been a big kid growing up, but in a healthy sort of way. Did martial arts, hiking, sports etc., was overweight but fit. Confident in my strength. Then, over the course of the last ten years, not even close to fit anymore. Weight ballooned up from 180 lbs to 230 235 lbs. Wheezing. Couldn't bend down without having trouble breathing. Lay awake wondering if I was going to have a heart attack, listening to my heart pound in my chest at night trying to digest a late-night meal of gargantuan proportions. "Getting fit date" always pushed back, for one reason or another, and a last minute take out meal not the least. Slowly, lost confidence. Weakness is a feeling more in the mind than in the body. Felt weak. And fat. And continued to lead the same lifestyle. Then, the pandemic hit. Shelter in place. Work from home. Spent one week eating take out and binging on Netflix. Stepped on the scale - 258 lbs. BMI of 40. F.o.r.t.y! How had it come to this? How did I let it come to this?

Decided to change that day. Changed that day. Started cooking. For everyone. For myself. Learnt simple home style cooking. Vegetarian, non vegetarian. Took control of grocery shopping. Bought all the candies and cookies and eveything others in the house wanted, put them on the dining table, and decided I would walk past them every day without yielding. I had quit cigarettes before, now I had to quit food. Started replacing rotis with collard or lettuce leaves. Caulifower rice for white rice. Completely cut out refined carbs. Started intermittent fasting - for most days eating only once a day. Really started trying to listen to the body. Did a three day fast, that helped change my perception of hunger. Started using fitness apps like noom and MyFitnessPal. Counting calories and reading about diets. Read The Obesity Code by Jason Fung. Watched plenty of YouTube videos on the topic of weight loss, and eating habits.

Then decided to walk. Started walking around the perimeter of my housing complex. 5 to 6 miles a day. Soon upped it to 13 miles a day. I could work from home, and work was chill - more time! Quit watching tv. Quit Facebook. Quit instagram. All time sink holes removed gave me so much time for myself. Tried to run but hurt my lower leg, a fibula stress fracture probably. But could walk, so walked a "walkathon" (26.2 mi), even though my thighs had chafed so much that they were bleeding profusely and the skin turned dark. Should have used BodyGlide or some such. Walked 13 mi next day anyway. Averaged 11 mi a day in May. Walked three walkathons in a week. Completed a 50km walk in a day. Averaged 20 mi a day in the first week of June. Then started to jog again, injured hip this time. And ankles hurt. Hurt a lot. So, taking a week off walking currently, waiting to get back to it. Time for reflection.

In 10 weeks, I've lost 44 lbs. BMI 33. Will move from obese to overweight at BMI of 30. I suppose that's the first goal. But the mental aspect is even more invigorating. I think I have begun to understand my cravings for food, and what they were in reality. And also beginning to understand my hunger. And to a certain extent, am beginning to understand my body, and my mind. Understand isnt the right word, "rediscover" perhaps. Recently walked into a convenience store to buy some milk, and found myself looking at the tempting goodies strategically placed around the cash out register, but with a new found clarity. As if a veil had been lifted, I saw through all that for what it really was. And why it was there. I knew all these things intellectually already, but in that moment of clarity, I felt it. It had no hold over me, for that moment.

I've set a goal in terms of weight to be lost, but my mental peace and control over my reactions to food and hunger, and over the desire to satiate that lust is my new goal, though hard to quantify. I want to enjoy it, but not enjoy it at the same time, and be able to treat both the enjoyment and the abstinence exactly the same. Something for me to think about while doing the easy bit - tracking my food intake and my weight. I also know that losing weight is the easy part, keeping it off is the real challenge. And that requires mental clarity more than anything, I think.

There are big changes coming up in my life shortly. But I'm preparing myself to meet those, because I know the biggest change needed is in myself.

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Find something you love doing!

Female, Age:25, H:5’3, SW: 172lbs, CW: 125lbs, GW: 120lbs

I have never posted on Reddit before, but after spending some time reading through posts on here I thought I would share a little of my weight loss journey. Throughout elementary/middle/high school I was always borderline overweight. My senior year of high school I hit 145lbs. That went up to 160lbs by the end of my freshman year of college. After moving in with my (now ex) boyfriend, I made it up to 172lbs, making me officially “obese”. I remember hating myself, wore nothing but baggy clothes and NEVER wore a bathing suit. I was always extremely tired as well.

I’m not sure what it was that caused me to change my life, maybe it was seeing that I was now technically obese? Whatever it was, I decided to finally make it happen. I started cooking all my meals, and throwing in a bit of cardio once in a blue moon. I was seeing results, but got too carried away with the numbers on the scale.. causing me to start purging my food often. I wasn’t binging, I was just obsessed with calories, and if I went over my planned 1000-1200 for the day, I’d throw up thinking, “this will put me back on track”. It was a terrible habit, I knew I needed help but I didn’t get it.. the only thing that made me stop was losing 20 pounds. I was at 152lbs after 4 months and feeling good! My weight loss was stalled at that point due to me feeling comfortable, until I wasn’t. 5 months after losing 20 pounds and keeping it off, I started dieting again, losing another 20 pounds hitting 132lbs in 5 months. I maintained that weight for a little over a year, only fluctuating between 2-5 pounds.

I’m proud of myself for changing my life, losing the 40 pounds made me feel so much more confident, I had completely lost the urge to purge and felt fine wearing a freaking bathing suit!

The last few months I took it a step further. I wanted to lose a bit more fat and get toned. I had tried to be a runner and gym enthusiast before.. it never stuck. I decided to give rollerblading a try. I purchased a good pair of rollerblades (expensive but worth it), and I downloaded this app called Tone and Sculpt that provides at home workout plans. Let me tell you.. I finally found ways of working out that I love and have been sticking to with no problem, as a matter of fact I hate the days that I have to skip a workout for whatever reason. I am now at 125lbs and have started to tone up my arms, legs, stomach, etc. I never imagined my body could look like this, especially in only a few months!

I guess the point of all this is to say that losing weight and becoming a healthier version of yourself is not to be rushed. I’ve been on and off working on it for over 2 years, but I’ve managed to not gain any of my weight back. I think the most important things are this: 1) find something you love to do. I enjoy rollerblading so much, it’s so much easier on the joints than running, and feeling the breeze as you’re working hard is amazing! The Tone and Sculpt app is so easy to use, and so effective, also helps you plan your work outs day by day. It’s so much easier to stick to something you enjoy 2) I’ve learned that you do not have to give up carbs, sugar, and all of those other things people seem to think they have to give up completely, you can still incorporate them into your life, but in moderation and with healthier alternatives!

Ps: I did not proof read, so apologies on any errors

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