I'm 35 years old, male, and 5' 8". I've always been a big kid growing up, but in a healthy sort of way. Did martial arts, hiking, sports etc., was overweight but fit. Confident in my strength. Then, over the course of the last ten years, not even close to fit anymore. Weight ballooned up from 180 lbs to 230 235 lbs. Wheezing. Couldn't bend down without having trouble breathing. Lay awake wondering if I was going to have a heart attack, listening to my heart pound in my chest at night trying to digest a late-night meal of gargantuan proportions. "Getting fit date" always pushed back, for one reason or another, and a last minute take out meal not the least. Slowly, lost confidence. Weakness is a feeling more in the mind than in the body. Felt weak. And fat. And continued to lead the same lifestyle. Then, the pandemic hit. Shelter in place. Work from home. Spent one week eating take out and binging on Netflix. Stepped on the scale - 258 lbs. BMI of 40. F.o.r.t.y! How had it come to this? How did I let it come to this?
Decided to change that day. Changed that day. Started cooking. For everyone. For myself. Learnt simple home style cooking. Vegetarian, non vegetarian. Took control of grocery shopping. Bought all the candies and cookies and eveything others in the house wanted, put them on the dining table, and decided I would walk past them every day without yielding. I had quit cigarettes before, now I had to quit food. Started replacing rotis with collard or lettuce leaves. Caulifower rice for white rice. Completely cut out refined carbs. Started intermittent fasting - for most days eating only once a day. Really started trying to listen to the body. Did a three day fast, that helped change my perception of hunger. Started using fitness apps like noom and MyFitnessPal. Counting calories and reading about diets. Read The Obesity Code by Jason Fung. Watched plenty of YouTube videos on the topic of weight loss, and eating habits.
Then decided to walk. Started walking around the perimeter of my housing complex. 5 to 6 miles a day. Soon upped it to 13 miles a day. I could work from home, and work was chill - more time! Quit watching tv. Quit Facebook. Quit instagram. All time sink holes removed gave me so much time for myself. Tried to run but hurt my lower leg, a fibula stress fracture probably. But could walk, so walked a "walkathon" (26.2 mi), even though my thighs had chafed so much that they were bleeding profusely and the skin turned dark. Should have used BodyGlide or some such. Walked 13 mi next day anyway. Averaged 11 mi a day in May. Walked three walkathons in a week. Completed a 50km walk in a day. Averaged 20 mi a day in the first week of June. Then started to jog again, injured hip this time. And ankles hurt. Hurt a lot. So, taking a week off walking currently, waiting to get back to it. Time for reflection.
In 10 weeks, I've lost 44 lbs. BMI 33. Will move from obese to overweight at BMI of 30. I suppose that's the first goal. But the mental aspect is even more invigorating. I think I have begun to understand my cravings for food, and what they were in reality. And also beginning to understand my hunger. And to a certain extent, am beginning to understand my body, and my mind. Understand isnt the right word, "rediscover" perhaps. Recently walked into a convenience store to buy some milk, and found myself looking at the tempting goodies strategically placed around the cash out register, but with a new found clarity. As if a veil had been lifted, I saw through all that for what it really was. And why it was there. I knew all these things intellectually already, but in that moment of clarity, I felt it. It had no hold over me, for that moment.
I've set a goal in terms of weight to be lost, but my mental peace and control over my reactions to food and hunger, and over the desire to satiate that lust is my new goal, though hard to quantify. I want to enjoy it, but not enjoy it at the same time, and be able to treat both the enjoyment and the abstinence exactly the same. Something for me to think about while doing the easy bit - tracking my food intake and my weight. I also know that losing weight is the easy part, keeping it off is the real challenge. And that requires mental clarity more than anything, I think.
There are big changes coming up in my life shortly. But I'm preparing myself to meet those, because I know the biggest change needed is in myself.
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