This feels like such a small and insignificant thing to talk about, but it's been a few days and it still rubs me the wrong way because I didn't think I'd react like that. So context:
I've lost like 45lbs since february. I track calories and have learned along the way the importance of portioning, listening to hunger cues, and saying "I can have this later/tomorrow." It's great, fantastic, and I'm really proud of myself for being able to regulate cravings, stress binges, and eat like a normal college kid.
I'm currently halfway through a two-week diet break (the weather lately has triggered the part of me that yearns to be a bear fattening for the winter) and I've been doing well. I didn't launch immediately into binging every day, I'm still eating whole foods, hitting my protein and fibre, and regular meals. I really did need that break, and I think I'm using it well. I don't dread the idea of going back into a calorie deficit next week, I feel ready for it.
The other day, it was my starbucks birthday and I've been really loving pumpkin spice, so I decided to grab a pumpkin spice iced frappe. I got a venti, and seeing the size of the cup suddenly made me feel hyperaware of the eyes around me. I just suddenly felt very conscious of how I looked from the outside. I'm still fat, a stranger never would've assumed that I had lost 40lbs already. Why did I care?? Why did I have to reassure myself that a stranger's thoughts and opinions don't mean anything?
It just doesn't make sense to me. This whole time, I never really excluded foods I loved. I don't believe in cheat days, just regulating portions and staying inside of my daily deficit. Before I started my weight loss journey, getting a venti frappe wouldn't have shaken me like this at all. It worries me, or maybe I'm being dramatic cuz I want to make sure that my relationship with food doesn't spiral into an ED.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/js0n1Md
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