Should I lose the weight?

20 F 178cm and 90kg

For starters, let me preface this by saying that yes, I do have a history of disordered eating and have for most of my life. I've done treatment for many years but all the way throughout I still struggled with the idea of being the weight am. I now consider myself recovered as ,mentally, I don't experience the same level of turmoil that I used to but I still I want to lose at least 10-20kg or until I look or feel better in my body.

I want to see if losing weight will help my physical health problems as I'm dealing with several severe chronic illnesses and have high genetic cholesterol for which I'm on statins. Unfortunately, one of my chronic illnesses makes me ill the more physical activity I do so I am mostly sedentary as doing too much can make me bedbound. I used to love being able to work out or go on walks but I just can't anymore and I'm a wheelchair user which upsets me. I also have pcos/pmos which I also think is a huge barrier in losing weight for me as I've really tried everything; when I was able to be more active managed to lose.

I'm struggling with eating in general. I know it's a comfort thing and I stim (I'm autistic) by eating different textures. I'd say, depending on the day and how I feel, I eat anywhere from 1000 to 2700 calories a day but I don't really count. I tend to only eat one big meal in the evening consisting of whatever is easily accessible to me when my symptoms aren't too heavy, usually beige foods or salmon with roasted veg I've pre-portioned and frozen. I also snack though I'm trying to reduce it buy not buying them anyway but I end up spiralling and buying them anyway. Then it becomes a case of I have to eat them all now so I don't eat it later. My usual snacks are popcorn, salt and vinegar crisps and crackers. I'm trying to have them in moderation by allowing myself a small snack plate in the evening so I'm not completely excluding them from my diet.

I sometimes go long periods of fasting and curb my appetite by drinking coffee and tea and I actually enjoy fasting when my mind isn't so honed in on food. I want to do more fasting but it really flares up my chronic illness symptoms so I have to stop before I feel more ill.

I feel like I don't know how to properly engage with weight loss healthily as so much of my behaviour is determined by my previous eating disorder behaviours. I know what methods work really well but they almost killed me and I don't want to go through that again but weight loss in general feels like a slippery slope back to relapse.

I want to lose weight for my sense of self. I want to be okay with what I see in the mirror. I've been overweight for most of my life and I've been 90kg for years at this point. I just want to get down to 70, maybe even 60 and see how I feel.

I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't even pursue weight loss due to how my brain is.

Be honest with me but be nice, any comments are welcome. What do you think I should or could do to help myself?

submitted by /u/eggnog_bread
[link] [comments]

from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2P0CZUw