Hi, I’m throwing a message in a bottle while I wait to resume seeing a nutritionist (I’m a student, so it’s a bit complicated right now), and it’s always nice to hear experiences and advice from people who share my interests.
I’m a 26-year-old woman, 160 cm tall, and I’ve had an eating disorder for ten years now, but lately I’ve noticed that I’m gaining weight much more easily—and, more importantly, I’m not losing any anymore. I’ve been going to the gym for seven years now, and I’ve been going regularly for the past two. Last year I quit smoking, and I naturally gained 5–6 kilos; I weighed 64–65 kg in January.
Then I worked in a restaurant for two months, which made me lose 4 kilos after a month of being constantly on my feet—it was exhausting, but I was actually pretty happy to have lost weight so easily.
But then I quit that job and went on vacation to a country where burgers and fries are everywhere, lol, and honestly, I didn’t pay any attention to what I was eating. And when I got back to France in September, bam—65 kilos.
I’m desperate—I went back to the gym with a program that I stubbornly followed to the letter for a month: four times a week plus another day when I go for a run. So I’m active and I’m also flexible—in short, I’m trying to stick with this routine—but damn, I’m not making any progress with weight loss, and even when I look in the mirror, I honestly feel like I’m getting even flabbier. It’s really, really frustrating.
And I know I also need to see a therapist because as soon as there’s a day when I stay home and don’t force myself to go out or work out, well, I have binge-eating episodes. Actually, I don’t know how to break this vicious cycle either. But I was hoping to slow down the weight gain with exercise and walking, which I do most of the time, etc., but no.
I feel really ugly and not at my best, and it’s getting me down. I don’t want to go back to eating out to meet my weight-loss goal, because personally, it really messes with my head. Anyway, I want to keep doing the workouts I’m doing but stop beating myself up if I stray a little from my strict routine, and try to control this ravenous hunger I have now that I’m working out a lot each week (and I actually enjoy it).
My goal is 57–56 kilos—that was the perfect weight for me personally. It upsets me to see myself like this today; it makes me bitter and depressed—it’s awful. That’s it.
If you have any advice, messages, or comments, I’ll take anything—please :) Thank you so much!
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