Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster, here to share this long and crazy journey I've had with weight loss.
I'm 27 and 5"8, and I've had some awesome highs and some really bad lows. But I've been heavyset since I remember as a child, and had a large appetite; but I was pretty active. I played basketball a lot, and rode my bicycle everywhere with my friends. At 12 my mother and I moved to the states, and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the choices and the sheer amount of food. I mean looking back, I genuinely enjoyed basketball so much I probably played about 3-4 a day, and my stepfather at the time tried to get me to lift weights, but with some pretty bad negative reinforcement that came with it.
Let me tell you - depression is a hell of a drug, I'm sure everyone knows. I was a kid, in this whole new world trying to fit in, but never could. I admit, even at times I was aware that I was self medicating to escape the horrible void that was depression. I swear, even with daily basketball, and the occasional weight lifting - I genuinely can't remember a time I went below 200 lbs. In fact I'm pretty sure I hovered around 225-260 during high school. Still dealing, but now even more complex and layered depression and anxiety. Food was always an escape, pretty sure there was an association with celebrating good times with my family back home. (Or something to that degree)
It got absolutely just out of control when I moved out, working at a fast food place at 17, and ate out every single meal. Eventually working graveyard shifts, trying to stay up with a slew of energy drinks, and stuffed my face full of fast food - and started to smoked cigarettes and developed sleep apnea.
I want to say that pattern continued until I peaked at 426lbs, and eventually tore 2 ligaments on my knee trying to play a pick up game of basketball. Actually tried to visit a doctor, only for him to tell me- that I wouldn't live last 25 (I was 22) if I didn't make changes. Cool- thanks bro.
I mean I did make changes, eventually. Small at first, gradual walks, got a gym membership, changed jobs to a more physically demanding one. And slowly and surely it worked. Started with 20lbs lost, then 40, 75, and by the end of 2016 I was hovering just below 300lbs. Felt great! I was mobile, and I felt a lot better, slept slightly better, got better clothes, built a good amount of muscle. I was going to the gym almost every day with friends, watched what I ate, and learned how to portion my food. I even started a brand new job in an office - Then BOOM, depression came back with a vengeance.
Slowly and surely I regained nearly all my weight back along with a worsening sleep apnea issue, refusing to go back to the doctor. At 2019, and I'm at 400lbs, and I'm micro sleeping due to lack of proper sleep. Bad enough that I would just fall asleep at work. Luckily, my coworkers were understanding. My supervisor, and manager sat me down, and asked me to go to the doctor. They were genuinely concerned about my health and I was just trying to get by. I even got help from a personal trainer, who became a good friend. I just couldn't collect myself enough to fight off the depression while I medicated with a horrible diet. Luckily at this point - I had stopped smoking.
But I listened, made a stern decision; found a very supportive, and empathetic doctor that works with me. It's been a hell of a journey to get here. It's been an up and down kind of ride. Today, I finally have a CPAP that helps me breathe during sleep. I'm on prescription to help with my appetite, and another to control blood sugar levels. I'm hovering around 350lbs right now, but have felt better than I have in years and have built the proper momentum to grind to a better, healthier version of myself. I'm portioning again, and and starting to take proper care of myself like I used to.
A few things I learned along the way though:
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Lose weight for your own health and we'll being, the appearance is a side character and it comes as a bonus.
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Find a good doctor, that is empathetic and wants you to succeed. It makes a huge difference.
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Lean the difference between support and reliance. Your family, friends, and if you're lucky - people you work with are there for support. They're not there to fight your battles.
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Love yourself unconditionally along the journey, wether you're starting, struggling, enduring, or have succeeded already. Mental well-being doesn't magically come because you lost weight. Everyone deserves that kind of self compassion, and you shouldn't deprive yourself from it because you're not where you want to be.
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Reward yourself, it's okay. Cheat meal, better clothes, even a haircut makes a difference. Take up a hobby, play videogames- whatever it is.
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Developing discipline is a major key.
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Be kind, supportive, and understanding not just to yourself, but to everyone you encounter. Everyone has their own dreams that they are chasing. Being envious and petty actually works against you more than it affects another person.
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Understand that it is not a crime to dream, but it is criminal to try to make someone give up on theirs. I'm worth it, you're worth it, everyone is worth the chance to become the person they imagined themselves to be.
If you made it all the way down here, I appreciate you taking the time to read. I hope by sharing my journey, that it helps even one person in theirs.
Thanks again!
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