Sorry if this isn't allowed I'm just feeling very frustrated. So I've been in a calorie deficit for a little over a month and lost about 6 pounds so far which I know isn't much and you obviously cannot see any difference but I feel a difference. I feel better and lighter and more energetic which I realize is mental due to eating better quality foods and cutting down on sugar intake.
What makes me feel so unmotivated is the people in my life. My girlfriend is supportive but she's been thin her entire life and doesn't necessarily understand why this is so important to me. She also knows I've struggled with restricting before so I think she really tries to make sure I'm not falling back into unhealthy habits. At the same time though she understands that I want to be healthier and feel better about myself so she wants me to do this for me.
She doesn't really have much to say when I try to talk about anything having to do with weight loss. She rolls her eyes and shoots me a look when I say that I can't have as much ice cream as I had wanted because I don't have the calories left. My close friends also think that because their own mental health is so fragile that any time I even mention weight I must be slipping back. I mentioned that the macro app I use asks for a weigh in at the end of each week and they promptly freaked out on me and told me calorie counting kills. Which is just absolutely insane. What's going to kill me is pretending it's normal to consume 2.5k+ calories in one sitting at 10 pm. What's going to kill me is pretending that my weight isn't an issue and doesn't bother me and there's nothing I can do about it because I have a history of ED. What's going to kill me is replacing a restrictive ED with a binging ED. Especially considering I've been trying to eat healthier for the last 6 months and have only gained weight because I haven't been counting calories and have been eating far too much of the wrong things.
I'm annoyed that all they hear when I mention it is that I'm slipping back into old ways and trying to wither away. I'm doing cardio 4 days a week I'm eating a solid 1500 calories a day which puts me at a 400 calorie deficit per day. Absolutely nothing extreme and I don't feel restricted in my diet. I eat (significantly) smaller portions of sweets everyday while also eating foods that fulfill me and are good for me. It's just so disheartening to be told I'm slipping back into unhealthy habits when I feel better more consistently than I have in years. I haven't had anyone to even celebrate the 6 pound loss with either. It isn't much but I'm proud of myself and I should be allowed to be.
Anyway if you've actually read this far, thank you. Again sorry if this isn't allowed I just have nobody in my life I can talk to about this and I'm unbelievably tired.
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