hi everyone,
i get super squicky talking about weight, but i thought that if there were anywhere i could do a little happy/surprised dance, it would be here. so here it is: i have lost 51 pounds since december last year, and i am sort of amazed. i didn't set out to lose this. but i'd gone through a really hard few years - the difficulty of the pandemic (i know we all feel this), parenting/working/living between two countries, living across the world from my family, and some major migration issues. i realized last autumn that i have probably been dealing with an eating disorder, namely binge eating disorder. and while i haven't been in structured therapy for it, i have been researching online, joining groups and communities, and learning more about what it is, what it means, and how to better cope. a lot of BED recovery is centered on compassion, so i am trying not to blame myself for bingeing, and to reframe it as my body and mind seeking out comfort, doing what they needed to do to help me cope. i was also diagnosed with fatty liver last autumn, and that helped propel me forward a little bit.
talking about weight/weight loss makes me feel squirrelly - bodies change for all kinds of reasons (i'm nearly 45, so i really know this to be true), and i get nervous that i will gain it all back for whatever reason. so i don't talk about my weight loss at all, and am still trying to figure out what to say when someone notices, which is happening more these days. the funny thing is, i didn't feel unattractive when i weighed 50 lbs more. and the surprising thing i'm grappling with these days is that losing weight does not solve problems related to self-esteem or feeling worthy. that's a longer journey. <3
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/XgwNt1u
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