I lost 30 pounds one summer and managed to keep it off for a while, but stress during my final college project led me towards weight gain and now I am 205 pounds as a 5’7’’ inactive woman (even more than I used to weigh). I admittedly lost all that weight very fast and often fluctuated due to an inconsistent appetite, but I get sad thinking about how proud and happy I was at around 165. I don’t think my body is the most important thing about me, but I have been dieting on and off since I was a child, and the way I am always hungry and thinking about food is exhausting. I feel miserable and like a failure about how I look and like all my health concerns are my fault. I dont know why I feel this way about myself, because I believe that your weight is not a cause for judgement or disrespect.
I haven’t seen a primary care provider in earnest since I was a rising sophomore, and I am wondering if I should ask about medical solutions for my obesity, binging, and food obsession. I have never stuck to calorie counting, or really any habit throughout my life, for more than 2 weeks. I’ve read James Clear, i have tried apps both free and paid (noom, fatsecret, myfitnesspal, happyscale, and many more). I’ve vowed to work out with maximum motivation only to stop within days. I tend to eat fast, and cough painfully after eating or doing cardio. I am obsessed with my passions and graduated with honors after leading multiple projects. I pour constant time and energy into my work, but I can barely bring myself to do basic self care like brushing my hair, let alone weight loss. I do have adhd, if that could he a factor. Sometimes the idea of food is the only thing that gets me out of bed, and I will sleep through an entire day otherwise. I want this to be different, and I want to have a body that I don’t have to constantly think about. Should I try again? See a doctor? Is my behavior disordered? I dont know what I should do!
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