Looking for an accountability buddy for my weight loss journey

I am 31|F|290lbs. I am tired of being so overweight and unhappy with myself. I'm tired of having a great personality and falling for someone just to hear they're not interested because of my body. I'm starting CICO and exercise on Monday (currently sick with a cold or I'd start today). I'm looking for 1-2 people to connect with via a messaging app. The idea would be both/all of us would check in daily with food choices and exercise.

I feel like strangers would be a better way to do this than trying to get my friends to hold me accountable for my choices. I want someone who doesn't know me to tell me I need to do better rather than "you're great just the way you are."

I have SED (Selective Eating Disorder) and depression so I need a buddy who will be understanding that my food choices will sometimes be bad and boring and repetitive, and that some days I may not have the energy to exercise or make good choices, but to try again tomorrow.

Send me a PM if this is a thing you'd be interested in doing!

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How family dysfunction can make weight loss (and other forms of self improvement) impossible

I'm someone who comes from a family where there was abuse. I'm still living in a really dysfunctional environment. I had the realization recently that I enable the people I live with and live my life as if my body was theirs to control.

I find changing my habits really hard. I didn't realize it before but it's because I know there's going to be some sort of punishment/fallout for trying to take control over my diet and body.

There's a term called clustering, it's used to describe how abusive and dysfunctional families keep the other members in check. Basically, a family will respond with violence (which can take many forms, starting small... taunts, verbal harassment, all the way up to suicide attempts) to a threat to perceived "family homeostasis", which would be "the way things are", and the family might be accepting of silly myths, incredibly inappropriate behavior I would say because it might serve certain key "powerful" family members who, honestly, might just be assholes, lack empathy, possibly due to a Cluster B disorder.

I read about clustering here. An excerpt:

I dubbed this phenomenon "clustering." Try to imagine what it would be like if everyone you know and loved started to come after you like that. If you do not think you would wilt, you are kidding yourself. And that would be true even if you came from a family that was relatively functional to begin with. Imagine having been invalidated like that for your whole life.
As I said earlier, however, that would only be the first thing that would happen if someone with BPD started to act better. The next thing that happens is that the parents start to act out in alarming and frightening ways. I'm talking about such things as the parents making suicide threats or actual attempts, increasing their drug or alcohol abuse to higher and higher levels, worsening their level of domestic violence, throwing other family members out on the street penniless, or abusing or neglecting any children left in the home. You know—minor, inconsequential stuff.

In the article they provide an example where a family clusters against a sick family member (one with BPD), but you can be targeted for clustering without being mentally ill. It can happen to scapegoated people in dysfunctional families, but also to any other member. At least from my own observations on my family, I would say it can happen to anyone, what matters is that there's a power imbalance, which is why unpopular scapegoated members run into this type of issue so much.

Understanding this behavior (clustering) has helped me pinpoint why I feel anxious whenever I try anything new. It's because I grew up with a really controlling family and to this day the family I have to interact with on a daily basis can be very mean and underhanded about a lot of things, unfortunately.

But they don't even have to do anything for me to be overcome by anxiety when I try self improvement. I find that I'm wired at this point in my life to fall into having to ask for permission regarding any small change.

I don't know, even when your family falls into the category of normal, on a smaller scale you might still be being held back by your history or the behaviors of those around you and looking at it from the perspective of the phenomenon described in the article might help you grow out of old bad habits.

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Half way to my weight goal and found out im pregnant.

Well the title pretty much sums it up. I'm really early in the pregnancy so I can't really complain to anyone else. I'm excited about a squishy cute new tiny human but I am so worried that I'm going to gain back everything I have lost. I am still overweight, starting weight was 275lbs I am currently 229lbs. I should be able to stay healthy and still lose weight but already I feel so tired I don't want to go to the gym. Does any one else have experience with being pregnant while on your weight loss journey? Should I put all my goals out of my head and just focus on growing this life inside of me? I know I have to eat healthy, and I plan on continuing working out just will have to modify everything. Is it reasonable to think I can lose weight while pregnant? I'm pretty bummed feeling like I'm going to have to restart in 8-9 months.

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it’s so hard to lose weight

So, at 16, after a rather long phase of crippling depression, I peaked at ~143 kg’s (315 lbs) and decided to lose it.

I am 6” and I remember at the time I was not able to stand for even a short time like 15 minutes without feeling pain.

I would binge eat like an animal, until my stomach would ache and I couldn’t fit another dorito in my gut.

I had no friends and eating gave me comfort, it helped me deal with my chronic depression and SAD.

Started losing about 2 years and 5 months ago, I’ve lost about a third of the weight of my then-self, got to 90 kg’s (198 lbs) and I am still yet to reach my goal weight of 70-75 kg’s (155-165 lbs). Frankly, I’ve never regained any of the weight I’ve lost even though I take breaks longer in between diets that are longer than the dieting periods itself. It’s quite hard to balance mental issues, stress of life and weight loss.

I don’t feel proud of myself for losing this weight, it feels like fixing a mistake I never should’ve done in the beginning.

So after another (3-month) break I’ve decided to lose the last bit and reach my goal weight. Wish me luck, I aint the person with the greatest willpower but I just wanna be done with this shit this time and for all.

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I'm losing weight... and, oddly enough, my wife is getting sad about it.

Hi, fellas. I think I need a little help to deal with a complicated situation.

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I'm a man, 35 yo, 6"03' (1.84m) and, in December 2018, I reached the 264lbs (120 kg) mark. My wife is 41 yo, 5"2' and approximately 242lbs (110 kg).

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In my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood I never had problems with weight. But I began to gain it during a period of stress and, since then, I've been playing the "old game": food in excess, no exercise. My wife has ALWAYS been overweight, since childhood. In recent years, it just gone worse. She has always suffered from this problem, including episodes of depression and psychiatric treatment. She has tried millions of diets and programs and magic formulas over the years, with little or no success.

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That is, we were a "fluffy" couple.

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We were.

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In December of 2018 I decided to put a stop to it. We had tried it before, together, without success. And we concluded that dieting "together" was not a good deal, because we have different taste preferences (like, she love greens and I can't stand them), daily routines (work schedules, free time), etc. So, at her suggestion, each one elaborated s own diet.

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Result: in 2 months, I've lost 33lbs - 15kg (CICO and training, nothing more). She barely lose weight.

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And the worst: she's getting visibly sad and shaken by the situation. She says I'm doing an overly restrictive diet and gym in excess (i'm not: 1600 cal, macros ok, 40 min/day of cardio or strength training, cheat day on sundays). She gets annoyed when she decides to eat junk food during the week, offers me and I kindly refuse. She mocks the things I buy to eat, saying I'm too exaggerated.

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It got worse yesterday. In an attempt to help her, I picked up an article on weight loss (from Physionomics) that helped me understand the weight loss process, fully translated it into Portuguese (she does not speak English) and gave it to her. "Maybe this might help you better understand what's going on and make some progress". Surprisingly, she started to cry, became extremely angry and said that she already knew everything about diet and fat loss, because she suffered with it ALL her life... but she just can't control herself and I'm just making things got worse.

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I think she is having a depression crisis and that it was triggered by my weight loss (luckily, a few weeks ago, she decides to return to therapy, and the psychiatrist appointment is next week). I think she's sad because she sees me having results, people complimenting me, the clothes being changed... and she just can't do it.

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I love her so much and I want to help her.

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But paradoxically, I don't know how to do it.

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Have you been through this? Any tips on how to deal with the situation?

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Many thanks.

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What could you do in 101 days? Calling all day oners!

This is just as much for myself as it is for you guys because I have been slacking on diet and exercise since last year and not hitting any of my goals, BUT...

June 1st is in 101 days people! As someone who absolutely LOVES summer and wants to feel good this summer, not tired just walking to the park with my family I am putting pen to paper and making tracks on this goal.

So I also love math, so why is 101 days important?

101 days/7 is roughly 14 weeks

Aggressive weight loss is 2 lbs a week. That is 28 lbs we could lose between now and then!

Considering I am prone to laziness and cheating on my diet I am setting it more at 1 lb a week.

That is ~15 lbs we could lose together between now and then!

Any other first dayer's let's do this!

One tip that worked for me last year was I told myself 90 days and then I could quit. I had never stuck with anything for that long and figured if I could do that I could just quit and never diet again. Well at 90 days I ended up liking it and routine was routine so I ended up doing almost 6 months last year before falling off.

So I am gonna work till June. Then I am gonna quit, or we will see when we get there

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I'm back baby

New job, holidays, new roof = big stress. I've been taking a break for a really long time, about 6 months. I know that I've gained, I went from a sales position where I walked upwards of 20,000 steps per day to an office position, where if I'm lucky I break 5,000 steps per day.

I'm struggling to come back, but today I had a breakthrough. I decided to walk the rest of my lunch and so I did, it was only about 15 min but during my walk I was clutching hard into my favorite substance in the world, Mt. Dew. When I fell off the weight loss wagon I jumped into the cold sweet embrace of my old friend and haven't been alone since. Today, while I was walking and drinking this diabetic golden fluid I realized that I didn't want it anymore, so I threw it out.

I miss how I felt while I was losing weight, good, happy, energetic, and sexy. I miss that I was starting to get compliments. I miss it all, so now I am back!

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