Wednesday, February 20, 2019

I'm losing weight... and, oddly enough, my wife is getting sad about it.

Hi, fellas. I think I need a little help to deal with a complicated situation.

I'm a man, 35 yo, 6"03' (1.84m) and, in December 2018, I reached the 264lbs (120 kg) mark. My wife is 41 yo, 5"2' and approximately 242lbs (110 kg).

In my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood I never had problems with weight. But I began to gain it during a period of stress and, since then, I've been playing the "old game": food in excess, no exercise. My wife has ALWAYS been overweight, since childhood. In recent years, it just gone worse. She has always suffered from this problem, including episodes of depression and psychiatric treatment. She has tried millions of diets and programs and magic formulas over the years, with little or no success.

That is, we were a "fluffy" couple.

We were.

In December of 2018 I decided to put a stop to it. We had tried it before, together, without success. And we concluded that dieting "together" was not a good deal, because we have different taste preferences (like, she love greens and I can't stand them), daily routines (work schedules, free time), etc. So, at her suggestion, each one elaborated s own diet.

Result: in 2 months, I've lost 33lbs - 15kg (CICO and training, nothing more). She barely lose weight.

And the worst: she's getting visibly sad and shaken by the situation. She says I'm doing an overly restrictive diet and gym in excess (i'm not: 1600 cal, macros ok, 40 min/day of cardio or strength training, cheat day on sundays). She gets annoyed when she decides to eat junk food during the week, offers me and I kindly refuse. She mocks the things I buy to eat, saying I'm too exaggerated.

It got worse yesterday. In an attempt to help her, I picked up an article on weight loss (from Physionomics) that helped me understand the weight loss process, fully translated it into Portuguese (she does not speak English) and gave it to her. "Maybe this might help you better understand what's going on and make some progress". Surprisingly, she started to cry, became extremely angry and said that she already knew everything about diet and fat loss, because she suffered with it ALL her life... but she just can't control herself and I'm just making things got worse.

I think she is having a depression crisis and that it was triggered by my weight loss (luckily, a few weeks ago, she decides to return to therapy, and the psychiatrist appointment is next week). I think she's sad because she sees me having results, people complimenting me, the clothes being changed... and she just can't do it.

I love her so much and I want to help her.

But paradoxically, I don't know how to do it.

Have you been through this? Any tips on how to deal with the situation?

Many thanks.

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