Monday, February 25, 2019

I just held my scale today and cried

This is not going to be a happy story. It's an experience during my weight loss journey that has revealed to me something I've been in deep denial about. This my 6th month into my weight loss journey. I started at 76 kgs (5'3") and I've lost about 11 kgs in the past few months. I weigh myself every week on a Monday. And due to starting my exercise routine and some obvious overeating I've been stuck at a plateau for over a month and half. Last 2 weeks, I had eaten completely clean, maintained by deficit, tracked consistently and exercised regularly. I was sure this was the week I was going to see the plateau move. I couldn't wait for Monday morning yesterday.

Come Monday morning, after the usual pee and poop routine, I get on the scale excitedly. It just starts blinking lights instead of showing a reading. I start to panic. I tried the batteries, I tap it a few times I try everything. I'm starting to losing it now. My boyfriend comes in to see what's up and finds me on the floor, holding the scale and full level bawling. I don't even know what I'm crying about. That's when I realised that I was letting this get to me. It's supposed to be about learning better habits and I just ended mentally wrecking myself. I'm going to see a therapist this week. I'm going to take a step back, learn to process this. My weight still manages to control me and I can't let that continue.

Thanks for reading.

TL:DR I was hoping for the scale to show that I had come over a plateau and it died and I got very emotional over this. I realised that my weight loss journey was taking a mental toll on me.

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