My weight loss ruined my relationship

When I first started gaining weight, it was a steady rise and although it didn't happen fast, it was noticeable. I picked up a girlfriend (24F now, 20F at the time) soon after it started but at that point it wasn't too bad, I just had a bit of a belly and I was a serious stress-eater. We still went running together and we both loved bouldering, but the problem that arose is after I'd polish off a whole pizza while she'd eat a salad. So regardless of the exercise, my weight kept rising and eventually when my girlfriend would suggest going hiking or rock-climbing I'd refuse and say we should go see a movie instead. So not only did I get fat, I started dragging her down with me. There was so much junk kept in our house it was impossible for her to say no.

When I hit 270 lbs though, my girlfriend sat me down and told me I was morbidly obese and although she still loved me, I had to do something to change my habits because she wanted to grow old with me. I didn't want to but I said I'd try anyway because I loved her. We got rid of all the junk food in the house (actually more like she got rid of it while I tried to argue it was Diet Coke) and she made me come along with her to the gym. When I got into the routine, I started losing. My girlfriend, however, ate a bit unhealthier than I did and still went out for drinks and restaurants with her friends because she told me she didn't need to lose like I did. I agreed and I kept losing and I didn't really notice, but she started gaining.

In the end, I lost 120 lbs and now am maintaining at 150 lbs. My girlfriend, on the other hand, ended up gaining I'm not sure how many pounds but is now hovering around 210 lbs. There's still no junk at our house but she eats out constantly and work got hard on her in the middle of my weight loss journey so she stopped accompanying me to the gym.

Now everything's all messed up and upside down. I'm the one asking her to go out and exercise and she's the one saying no. She seems a lot more depressed these days and no matter how much I initiate it, our sex life is pretty close to nil. Every now and then she'll make these snide comments about how I've gained some around my face and should I really be eating those fries? She complains that I don't spend enough time with her these days and I'm always at the gym, and now she keeps on trying to get me to go to Papa John's (this really cute hole in the wall pizza place that was our favourite place before) with her, and I do, but she gets mad when I only eat a slice and says I'm trying to embarrass her. This morning I asked her to make my coffee and I drink it black now because it's lower calorie, but I came downstairs to see her dumping in like five packets of cream and sugar. She offered it to me and I said it wasn't what I wanted but she said one coffee wouldn't hurt. I came home from the gym today and she had ordered my favourite pizza and was eating a bag of chips, and when I tried to reiterate the "no junk" rule, she offered me a slice. I wish I could say I said no but I was so hungry from working out and caved and ate like three slices and went way over my calorie limit for that day.

I know this is unhealthy. What can I do? I want her to be happy but I feel like losing weight now makes her all angry with me.

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cortisol in overdrive? menopause? eating enough? not eating enough?

TL;DR - I don't know what to do anymore. I just can't seem to lose weight. I actually gained 800g/2lbs on a tracked week with CICO netted at zero. Not new to weight loss game. No issues with hyper/hypoglycemia that I know of. In menopause. Could be having a bit of a stress/cortisol burnout. Work out moderately to very often. Help?

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Let me first preface this by saying I haven't just started this CICO thing. I was overweight as a young adult, lost weight with WW (1999 - 2001) reached my goal weight and maintained that for about 4 years until I went through a life crises where I gained all the weight back that I lost (27KG) then added another 10KG on top of it for good measure. Follow that with several years of failed attempts and finally re-started for the last time in 2009.

I lost about 17KG in the first year and then it stopped. I was 40 years old then. I worked a stressful job with a huge commute for 7 years which - I believe - lead to nearly chronic fatigue. However, I also started running in 2009 and throughout all the time I had that job I trained at the gym and did all I could to at least stay at that weight. I basically was at 80 - 83KG for about 5 years. That's not a plateau, that's maintenance.

I quit that job and found employment only a 10 min bike ride commute away. I almost immediately started losing weight again, and eventually even saw my goal weight again - 70KG - albeit for what feels like about 5 minutes at this point (it was a few months - then I started training for and running marathons). Over the last few years I've been anywhere from 72 - 24 KG. Which is actually fine. I don't need to be skinny. I'm 166cm so not tall but not short. I don't mind my curves. But running FEELS better when I'm a bit less than I am now.

Which is currently 78, almost 79KG. Last year I was 74 and I had a (second) surgery on my foot (I had neuroma surgery 6 years prior and, well, it wasn't a success) so I was out of the running for a few months. Then I had a sudden "attack" on my body in August with a herniated disc. That was the most pain I ever had in my life. I was again out of the running.

Throw menopause in all of this. I get it. There are hormonal things going on. I'm 51, I accept that I have to go through this. But last year had me in a pretty dark depression + menopause + personal shit going on + not having my mental therapy available (running or just exercise in general) and here I am even heavier than I was last year.

I'm not new to "dieting". I actually know what to do. I did WW for a long time when I was still in the commuting situation and in between tried a few different things. I'm not interested in keto, very low carb, IF. I'm a CICO kind of person. I know what good fats are, I don't drink very much alcohol, I never drink sugary drinks, my food is pretty consistent. I eat all my F&V every day, I actually like it! I'm not an angel, I do like pie and cakes and cookies but I know when enough is enough.

For shits and giggles I tracked everything this week, weighed and measured, scanned etc., and put it all in myfitnesspal. I exercised Monday, Tuesday and Thursday (more than just my normal walking and biking). My TDEE is 2250 (indicating light activity) so my target for weight loss is 1750 per day. I had a calorie deficit every day from Sunday until Wednesday of over 1100 calories. Wednesday I ate not one but two pieces of pie at work (it was delicious too) but still logged everything and I was over 1000 calories. Thursday until today I've been right on target.

My weight however went up every single day, except Thursday (after the pie. should I do a pie diet? I could be down with that!) but technically with CICO I should have maintained as the overage and deficit are pretty much zero. But I'm up 800g. In 6 days. Or am I misunderstanding all of this?

This is just a small example of what my life is like every single time I try to tackle this again. So, WTF. Is my TDEE wrong? Am I eating too little? Am I not eating enough? Do I eat my calories burned? A portion of them? Is my cortisol out of whack? How TF do I fix it? Why would I GAIN 2lbs when actually CICO is netted at zero?

What do you think, reddit? I don't mind switching things up but I'm not going to do anything that isn't sustainable (keto, IF, very low carb - I already carb cycle; low on low movement days, med on med and higher on big burn days). I'm not a picky eater but I don't eat a lot of meat or pork; basically I'm a flexitarian. Help?

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My lessons learned from weight loss journey

I suppose this is a good place to share my own experience with weight loss. This is not a definitive, scientific guide - merely a set of my own observations and lessons learned over time, and particularly in the last three years. I have gone through several cycles of gaining weight and then losing it in a spurt of effort. I was never very obese, but I was overweight enough to look pudgy and had a beer belly that stuck out half a foot further than it should. Three years ago was when I decided to be more systematic about my diet and determined to get back to a healthy weight and keep it there. I don't think what I am about to relate is particularly groundbreaking, but it worked for me and perhaps it can work for others as well. Ok, on to the tips and tricks...

• Set a realistic goal for daily calorie balance and keep the score

Most diets try to do too much too fast or they are too demanding. It's very difficult to cut out entire food groups, for example, and subside on tasteless substitutes, so called "healthy" or "diet" options. It's also not necessary. Obviously this has to be done within reason and varied nutritious diet is preferable, but it doesn't need to be nearly as extreme as many believe. You can pretty much eat what you like as long as you stick to smaller portions and don't cheat on the calorie count. This is the important part - keep the score.

Estimated calorie burn just from existing is 2000/day. Peoples' metabolisms vary, but this estimate is generally correct and perfectly applicable to the majority of us. Whenever you are about to eat something, look up the calorie count and note it down. I would recommend to round up calorie values, so if a given food package says 330/portion, record it (MS Excel is good for this) as 350. Don't forget to count calories from what you drink, including alcohol. It's very important to limit alcohol intake as it can easily ruin an otherwise balanced diet.

Set a goal for your calorie balance to be around 1300-1600/day. Going lower than that is not advisable as it will likely result in a significant loss of energy and attention span as the body will go into ketosis. It's fine in the short term, but generally not sustainable, so set a realistic daily goal. Calorie balance is calculated as: (calories consumed) minus (calories burned through exercise) minus (2000 daily passive burn). Calories translated to weight are approximately 7700/kg and 3500/lbs. So being 400-700 in the red on a daily basis will allow you to lose a kilogram in about two weeks or about two pounds in the same amount of time.

• Forget the weight scale and the mirror - trust the calorie counter

Once you have worked out the score keeping, forget about weighing yourself. Seriously. It's depressing and you don't see any gains because weight fluctuates quite a bit so that any gains from the diet are either hidden or exaggerated by normal inner workings of our body. Depending on the time of day, when we have last eaten, what we have eaten, how much water the body is holding, there is no reliable way to notice weight loss progression on a day to day basis. It can only cause uncertainty and frustration. Looking at the calorie counter is motivating because you can see the steady progression which will not be evident either on the scale or in the mirror. Trust the counter. The weight loss is happening. If you do want to step on the scale, I would recommend doing it no more than once every two weeks or, better yet, once per month. That's when the weight loss process will have enough time to actually manifest itself.

• Look for options to limit sedentary time

Exercise is good. There is nothing novel about that statement. Do not resign yourself to the notion that you have to sweat like a pig, day after day, for it to have an effect. Do something light, like walking in place while watching TV instead of lying on the couch. Take a short run, push yourself just a bit, but don't make it so painful as to put you off of exercise for the next 10 years. Your body will slowly adjust to the increased load and you can do a little more each day. Give it time and don't rush it though. It's better to do 10-15 minutes of exercise per day, and stick to it than do 30 minutes all at once and then give up. Note down the exercise in your calorie tracker. A rule of thumb is that 30 minutes of walking is worth extra 100 calories burned, while 30 minutes of running is 300-350 (depends how fast you run, a slow jog will be the close to the first number, a faster run will be close to the second). Be creative in finding time to get even a little bit of extra movement. It all adds up.

• Be patient

There is no miraculous way to lose weight. It's possible to go on a starvation diet and drop quickly, but this is very painful and generally unhealthy, which is why hardly anyone ever succeeds. Do not set a goal where you expect to go from being overweight to perfectly slim in a manner of a few weeks. It's not going to happen. It will take a few months at least to get really noticeable results so you have to be patient. This is not so much about going on a diet as it is about making a sustainable lifestyle change. If you follow the above, it can be done with very little inconvenience. You can still enjoy your food and do only a modest amount of exercise. Of course, as you get fitter, it's likely that exercise will become fun and effortless and it will be a simple matter to increase the length and intensity, but that's a long term thing. Do not despair if you can't run a marathon after a couple of weeks of healthier living. Be patient and let the process do its work.

Ok, that's the gist of it. I am pretty sure I forgot a few minor details, but I'll add them if I remember anything else. Anyway, the above should be a pretty good start to a sustainable weight-loss oriented lifestyle.

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Need some help getting started!

Hello everyone, I want to start my weight loss journey, but I'm so lost as to where I should begin.

A little background info about me:

• I'm an 18 year old girl, I'm 5'8" and 185lbs.
• I'm in my first year of college and I live on-campus, which means I can't really cook any meals for myself. I have access to lots of fruits and veggies though.
• I'm not a huge fan of meat, but I enjoy ground beef/ham.
• I walk about 3 miles a day, but I don't exercise outside of that.

I have a goal of losing 35 pounds.

My breakfast is usually a peanut butter and banana sandwich on whole wheat bread which keeps me full for 3 hours. Then I will usually eat a granola bar (not the healthy kind though, the peanut butter dipped ones). For lunch I'll have a fruit bowl with vanilla yogurt (probably about a cup of fruit like melon, pineapple, strawberries and grapes and a half cup of yogurt), or a ham and swiss sandwich on a rosemary bun with mayo, lettuce, and tomato. Then for dinner I have whatever greasy food the cafeteria is serving for the night, typically a pasta dish with a side of potatoes or carbs (like rice, bread, etc.). My issue is that I snack A LOT. I get hungry between meals which definitely means I'm not eating the best foods. My snacks consist of crackers or croutons usually, specifically goldfish and triscuits.

Any suggestions of healthy foods I could eat that will keep me full for longer?

Also, what is the best way to get exercise? Should I run, or should I do some bodyweight exercises like pushups, situps, squats? Maybe a blend? Exercise is a real grey area for me, I've never really done much of it outside of some sports in high school.

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tldr;

I'm trying to lose 35lbs, what are some healthy foods I can eat that will keep me full, and what are the best exercises I can do?

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18lbs down since September, slow and steady weight loss FTW!

I’ve always looked for a quick weight loss fix, I’ve probably googled “how to lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks” a hundred times. At my highest weight in September, I finally decided to take things seriously and join weight watchers. It’s been a bit of a slow journey, but so incredibly rewarding. I think it’s easy to get into a vicious cycle of looking in the mirror, wanting a change right away, but then giving up when you don’t see one in a couple of days.

With regular tracking, weigh ins, and really just committing to my plan, I’ve completely changed the way I see weight loss. I don’t get impatient anymore if I only have a .3 loss in a week, or even if I’ve gained. As long as the trend is generally downward, I’m happy. A smaller number on the scale is definitely not the only satisfying part of this whole process too, honestly all the NSVs have been the most rewarding. Like fitting into smaller clothes, not avoiding my reflection when I pass by a mirror, my smaller appetite and cravings for healthier foods instead of junk. I no longer need to snack all day long and won’t eat if I feel full, even if there’s a bunch of free pizza at work (which happens a lot lol). I would highly recommend Weight watchers to anyone who loves food & cooking, and can’t see themselves cutting things entirely out of their diet. I can pretty much eat anything I want, but I just have to watch the portion size and decide if it’s worth using my daily points over.

Overall, Ive learned to trust the process and my body. If I mess up one day or even a week or two (ahem, Christmas!) I don’t get down on myself but instead just pick back up where I left off. I think that’s the most important thing I’ve learned through this whole process, is that patience and trusting yourself & body is key! So to anyone who feels like 6 months or even a year from now feels forever away, it’s not, you WILL see change eventually and you’ll be thanking yourself 6 months from now that you took the plunge and did it! :)

And for anyone curious this is my background:

26F 5’5 Start weight: 174.5 CW: 156.5 GW: 140

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Reminder: don't forget how far you have come

I woke up this morning and weighed in for the first time in 2 weeks. My goal was to drop 5lbs but I only managed to drop 3. I am ovulating so perhaps that played a role but I was super discouraged by it. I got so annoyed that I went for a long walk to clear my head.

During this walk I thought a lot about my weight loss journey and something clicked. This time 14 months ago I was 250lbs... if I told my past self I would weigh 167lbs on 25/01/2020 I would have been ECSTATIC. If you are anything like me then you are goal orientated and very much always focusing on the future and hitting that next target. But sometimes it is important to think back to the past and see the improvements you have made.

I was completely sedentary when I first started my journey, I couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes without needing a break. I was only 25! My walk this morning was over 2 hours and I didn't stop once.. I can even jog a little now too. I am no longer considered morbidly obese, I am overweight.

I still have 37lbs to lose BUT go me and go you!!

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I'm 5"7 and weigh 160 and my goal weight is 122. My bmi will be 19.1 (healthy) but everyone is telling me it's too low. Is there any reason to not reach for this goal even though I'm making sure to get my nutrients?

STATS: 5"7 Highest weight: 210lbs Current weight: 160lbs Goal weight: 122 pounds Hi guys, I got a bit of a problem I suppose. Everyone who I talk to about my weightloss journey has expressed concern about my goal weight. I am currently 160 and want to weigh 122. I still have a belly pouch but it's not as big. I don't hate my body, in fact I quite like it. But I want to be at 122 because I want to achieve what I said I would. I also feel like although I like my body now, I'll feel even more comfortable with it at 122lbs.

I've been on this journey for a year and a half now and know what is healthy and what is not healthy. I eat 1,300-1,400 calories and walk 20,000 steps every day.

I make sure to pack most meals with all the macronutrients I need and haven't felt dizzy/tired/hungry.

Weight loss doesn't consume my life and I have other goals too. I'm just in this routine where I do the same thing everyday naturally and the weight has been dropping pretty steadily. I understand that there will be plateaus and my weight loss will get slower.

I weigh myself every month and I'm not obsessed with the number on the scale. I have been losing 9-10 pounds per month for the past 3 months.

So at this rate I may reach my goal by June- Early August

I would just like some feedback and thoughts about whether or not I should continue to strive for this goal.

Thank you!

https://ibb.co/M8dBsFr

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