Hi all, not really sure if this is the correct sub, but I want to get some thoughts out and share my story. This all started back when I was a teenager, and I'm now 25(F). I was always a relatively skinny and active kid, but when I was in my late teens I was really struggling with depression and anxiety, and trialling a bunch of medications that weren't working. My appetite increased due to a lot of these medications and in conjunction with a pretty terrible diet, I began to stack on the weight. I think I got up to 80 kg (176 lbs) when my mum got involved with a weight loss MLM. Being 19 and unaware of the predatory nature of MLMs, I started taking the products, cleaned up my diet, and was exercising regularly. I lost about 25 kg (55 lbs) in the space of about a year, which I was stoked about. Looking back, I was way too strict with myself. I never allowed any "bad" foods to be bought or consumed, I was eating every three hours, and being unemployed, I had no work or school to get in the way of my progress. I really just took it to the extreme. I'm super proud of myself for being able to lose the weight, but I wish I had've done it much more sustainably.
After about a year of losing weight, I met my now-husband. We met while exercising, and I got the courage to go and talk to him after seeing him there for a few weeks. Being young and in love, we were constantly going out on lunch/dinner dates, going to the movies, but also did things like rock climbing, mini golfing, etc. just the balance was way off. Soon after getting into this relationship, I went back to school to start my apprenticeship. My schedule was thrown way off, and I couldn't keep up with prepping all my meals in advance, and the cafeteria was so convenient. I quote quickly put a bunch of weight back on, and was too tired after school to go and exercise.
I knew things were going out of control, but I couldn't stop. I tried to make my meals in advance and bring them to school but it just wasn't working. All that weight I lost the year prior, was packed back on in the following year. I was devastated and disappointed in myself that I allowed myself to lose all my progress, so I started eating to numb my emotions. I felt bad after eating to deal with my emotions, so I ate some more. It's such a vicious cycle that I could never really break.
In the past few years, I've had many weight loss attempts. I'd eat well for a few weeks, then think I've done so well and reward myself with food. Foods that are hyper palatable, and that I would binge on because I restricted myself from them for so long. I didn't weigh myself very often because I knew I wasn't at an ideal weight. I knew I was overweight, but had no idea I was obese by BMI standards. When I weighed myself in mid-October 2019, I weighed in at 87.5 kg (193 lbs). I had already started eating healthier before I weighed myself, so I'm pretty sure I would've reached 90 kg (198 lbs) at one point.
I got myself a fitbit, and started counting calories loosely again as I was (too) good at it the I initially lost weight. So far (as of yesterday) I'm down to 78.7 kg (174 lbs) so I'm really happy with how things are progressing. I've only changed my diet, and made no attempts to exercise this time around. I want the habits of good food to be so integrated into my lifestyle that also going to the gym won't mess things up as it has done in the past.
I feel like I'm really doing it this time. I'm listening to when my body is telling me to eat, and more importantly, listening to when my body doesn't need me to eat yet. Sometimes I won't eat until mid afternoon because I'm honestly not hungry. It's a bit of a mental hurdle because "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" but it doesn't make sense to eat if I'm not hungry. I'm also trying to get over not finishing a meal if I'm full. When I was a child, on occasion I was forced to finish my meal even if I was full because we shouldn't waste food. I've even caught myself getting angry at my husband for not finishing a meal I've cooked him, and that's something I don't want my future children to have to deal with.
That's another reason why I feel this weight loss attempt is different - children. I want to get myself healthy before trying for kids in about a year. I want my children to be healthy, and I want to lead by example. I want to be able to run after them and play with them, and keep up with them as much as possible. I want this to be sustainable, and it will be. I'm making the conscious decision to keep it sustainable. I know it won't always be easy, and I know I'll probably fall off track, but that's not an excuse to binge. I will get right back on track when I inevitably fall off. I have a very supportive husband who has luckily not had any issues with his weight.
I haven't really spoken to anyone about this weight loss attempt. One co-worker has told me I've lost weight. She didn't ask "have you lost weight?", she said "you've lost weight, haven't you". I said yes, and she congratulated me on my progress. I didn't take any before photos this time around either. I got sick of taking before photos each time, because it ended up being a bunch of half naked photos of me overweight. But I am also measuring progress in how my clothes are fitting - much looser - and how well I'm sleeping and energy levels throughout the day.
Hopefully someone can relate as even though I'm happy for myself, I don't feel like anyone in my life has been through anything similar
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