The scale now shows my weight!

So I posted about a month ago about getting serious about starting my weight loss journey. At that time I had talked about past failures and my hope and determination to make this attempt last and achieve results. I also said that I didn't know how much I actually weighed because my scale didn't go that high, it's digital and would just read error. Well, today i am happy to announce that I my scale shows me my weight, it is 397. This is a small victory and I still have a long way to go to get to where I need to be, but it is very encouraging to actually see that it is working.

I also want to update on how things are going otherwise; I am just doing cico and not worrying about much else right now. Honestly, I am surprised by how it seems less challenging this time, like a said above and in my last post, I have tried and failed before in efforts to lose weight. I was worried the calorie counting was going to make me obsessive about everything I eat, while there was a little bit of that at the beginning, it really hasn't been like that. Actually it has really helped me to start to look at food a bit differently. I has helped to view eating less like an fun activity and more like refueling. Also, while there have been days when I've gone over my goal for a day, I never let it discourage me. I just got back on track the next day.

So all praise to cico, and I will keep you guys posted with progress along my journey, also shout out to Cheetos flamin' hot popcorn, that shit is delicious and a serving is a large bowl full.

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I need help please

I’ve lost almost 50 pounds since two years ago, and I did it without trying. That is to say I wasn’t really going for weight loss. I simple had to cut on junk food and payed a bit more attention to my way of eating because I was eating too much fast food and such. And since I was pretty big, I put myself at a calorie deficit without even realizing it. But now I’m 155 ish pounds and have a lot of belly fat. I want to lose weight now but don’t know what to do. I know I have to be at a calorie deficit, but it’s too hard for me to eat 1700-1800 of calories to lose weight. I’ve developed a bad habit of just eating since the pandemic started because it lowers my stress and now I’ve started to gain weight again. Can someone direct me what to do?

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Things no one tells you about with major weight loss.

TL;DR-Lost 120 lbs and I’m learning new things that massive weight loss won’t fix.

I’ve [F34] been on my weight loss journey for a little over three years. My click moment came on 9/5/2017 when my second nephew was born. I saw his little face and knew that if I didn’t make a change I wouldn’t be a good aunt to him and his older brother. At 5’1 I was 275 lbs and three years late I’ve naturally lost 120 lbs and am now at 155 lbs with about 20 lbs to go.

I gained a lot of positive things from my weight loss including a more regulated period, improved blood markers, more energy to keep up with my nephews/niece, better mind clarity and overall increase in confidence. I know I’m in a better place, but there are a lot of unexpected things that come along from weight loss that I didn’t know would also happen.

This includes:

1. Unregulated body temperature. Most of the summer I didn’t feel hot at all so I never turned on the AC. Though I didn’t feel hot or sweaty my core body temperature was up (since it was actually hot) and I would scare myself because my temperature was high. With Covid I constantly check my temperature so seeing my temp go up, but not feeling hot was strange. On the flip side, I’m actually starting to feel cold. The temperature has been dropping in NJ and it’s difficult feeling this cold. I’ve been living in hoodies, sweats and socks the last three days and still feel cold. Understanding how my body reacts to temperature is challenging.

2. Disordered eating. I’m starting to find myself obsessing about everything I eat and how many calories I’m consuming. I’m so scared of gaining weight and am focused on losing the last few pounds that food is starting to be burdensome to me. I’m at a point where I wish I could be given a cracker with all needed nutrients and calories so I wouldn’t have to worry about food. I never realized that food could one day become a scary thing to me, but it is as of recently. I’m mentally exhausted from worrying about this and physically exhausted some days as well. I’m never really sure if I’m hungry or just obsessing about food again. I’m deathly afraid this will morph into an eating disorder.

3. Mental health will not be cleared up from weight loss. This is attached to number 2 in a way. Losing weight has helped some of my mental health issues including better confidence since I feel empowered for naturally losing weight, but I’ve also gained new mental health issues. Though I know I’ve lost a ton of weight I still feel like and sometimes see the old fat me so I still react like the old fat me. I’ve started dating a lot more, which is great, but when men or others comment how tiny I am it makes me cringe because I still see myself as a huge person. The old fat me desperately wanted to take up less space and the new smaller me still thinks she’s taking up too much space and again it’s exhausting trying to make my mind understand I’m not the same fat person 120 lbs ago.

4. I feel like a fraud and intimacy is so difficult for me. Being overweight my whole life and then losing 120 lbs has left me with saggy skin. On the outside I might look normal, but underneath my clothes I have saggy skin and breasts and I’m incredibly self conscious about it. I’ve struggled with intimacy in the past due to sexual and mental abuse from my childhood/teen/early adult years and not having the actual body I thought I would have has only compounded my intimacy issues. I can’t get fully naked in front of my partners, affection is so hard for me to give and if I do give it takes a long time to handle it which a lot of people don’t want to wait for. There will be times where even a shoulder touch will make me instinctively recoil. I am scared of getting close to someone and them seeing the me under the clothes and feeling cheated out of what they were expecting. I want to someday have surgery, but I don’t even know if it will help.

5. Never fully feeling accomplished. Though losing 120 lbs is a great feat I don’t usually feel proud of myself if nothing else I feel immense shame. I let myself get up to over 100 lbs and twice my size so why would I celebrate losing something that shouldn’t have been there in the first place? Other people never have to lose that much weight and are not celebrated so why should I be celebrated for finally doing something that should be normal I.e keeping a healthy weight?

6. Being afraid of letting people down. My weight was a huge taboo subject within my family except for my mother. She never hid her feelings of disgust and anger at my weight and would constantly badger and demean me about it. She would spin her abuse through the shroud of a concerned mother (which was somewhat true), but for the most part she was ashamed that her offspring was not perfect. My mother, being obsessed with her own weight and my siblings’ weight as well, is consumed with appearances so having her daughter not live up to her standards was unacceptable. I never felt pride from my mother despite being the first in my family to graduate from HS and college, working for and excelling at two fortune 200 companies, living and growing on my own for close to a decade and being financially free as well. My weight always eclipsed any accomplishment. I felt pride from my mother for the first time when she saw me after five months from isolation due to Covid. I was thin now, thinner than her actually. I felt both content and scared at having made my mother proud for the first time. I’m afraid that if I gain weight that my mother will again see me as an other unworthy of her approval. I feel like if I gain weight or fail to lose more weight that all the pride the rest of my family has in me will fade and I will disappoint them again. I feel like I can’t be normal and let my weight fluctuate ever again. One extra pound is failure.

7. When will my weight be normal? My family and friends are always talking about how amazing I look now and how amazing I am for losing weight which is both great and cumbersome. My sister will sometimes say things like she’s still trying to get used to my new face and body and it sometimes freaks her out. It’s aggravating , but I understand what she means. I do ask myself when will my weight not be part of who I am anymore? When will my family and friends look at me and stop remembering the old fat me? Will that ever happen? Will my weight ever not be part of who I am? Will I ever just be normal?

I’m sorry for the long post, but I just needed to get this out in the open. All this has been weighing (haha) on me so heavily (haha again) and I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to that can relate.

I don’t expect any responses, but just needed to simply cry a little. I know I need to see a therapist and it’s in the works, but Covid has made me a bit scared to go to a lot of places. I need to get gel though because I’m so tired. Does anyone else relate?

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Finally beat my plateau!? Breakthrough!

I started losing at 93 kg in May, and from May to July I lost one kg per week till I hit 79-something one day. Around that time I also hit the gym, and somehow stopped losing.

"Somehow"? Of course, plateaus aren't "pure chance" or "genetics" but since I had dropped so much I found myself being more lenient (I'd start to have dinner out with friends again, sometimes I'd have ice-cream...) plus hitting the gym made me go from very vegetabley meals to lots of chicken and rice. More "bulking" even if not huge in portions (I still mostly eat this way!).

From hitting 79.8 kg that wonderful day, I sort of "bounced back" to 81-83. Not terrible, I knew I wasn't going to go all the way back, so those couple kgs were just slight variations like water, bowel... Not suddenly all fat again.

Since going back to school, I've been eating a bit less volume and less calories again (mostly the fact that since I'm busy I don't even feel hungry) plus aside from the gym, I guess going to school and all is a lot of exercise or something, so I'm going down again! I am very close to 78 this time, not just back to 79ish. I'll probably be there tomorrow or very soon!

I've some concerns like, most of my fat is in my torso and lovehandles, not that much in arms or legs anymore (still some there) but it still doesn't make me super comfortable wearing just t-shirts that would fit my silhouette.

Then again, I've had SO many people compliment my weight loss back at school! That motivated me further, as well as a special buddy of mine whose body I admire and wish I could get influenced by to be as healthy as him! I'm on the right track, baby! One day I'll post my own super crazy body transformation in a post with pictures!

We can do this!!!

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A weight loss milestone: somebody recognized my progress!

I’ve been wondering when would be the right time to jump in here with a post. Today I reached what I always thought would happen eventually: somebody at work that didn’t already know I was trying to get healthier told me I look slimmer and asked if I’d lost some weight. Yes! 40 pounds! (352->312).

Here are a few of my random thoughts about the journey so far.

I realized when I was over 350 that I was closer to 400 pounds than to 300. This was my primary motivation to get started.

I realized right away, like within a week or two, that I had never really experienced being hungry. I was always eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and so I never even allowed myself to be hungry. And I loved the feeling. I’m trying to be more mindful in life and so I was mindful of my hunger and I was mindful of the immediate energy boost I got from eating a sensible meal. This was a big help in continuing.

I never paid attention to calories so it blew my mind how many calories I was likely eating in a day before tracking. My god. I probably had days where I was eating 5000-6000 calories. 3 restaurant/fast food meals a day and/or a big home cooked meal. Wild. Speaking of too many calories, I’ve only been to a restaurant a few times since I started losing weight, mostly due to the virus, but it’s been a blessing because restaurant meals are the most difficult for me. Some of the meals I used to enjoy are around 200 calories. Can’t be doing that anymore. Home cooking is way more fulfilling. I feel like I can eat the same amount as I would in a restaurant but for only a fraction of the calories. I’m not even sure why that is since I’m not eating anything that much fundamentally different. I guess it’s mostly because I’m not having all the sauces and cheeses that normally come with the best tasting restaurant meals.

I did hit a plateau a while back and I was getting discouraged. But I changed up a few things, like the aggressiveness of my weight loss goal on the app I’m using. I did also have to be honest with myself and realize that the 2-3 weeks where I didn’t lose anything coincided with my birthday and a few other occasions where I ate quite a bit and was over my calories more often than not.

Anyway, that’s it. Sorry for the long post. I’ve been a lurker on this sub and an occasional commenter.

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I lost 40lbs and I feel flabbier than ever…

On one hand, I don’t want to complain at all and celebrate my weight loss. On the other hand, I can’t help but feel apprehensive about how I will look at the end of the journey…

Backstory: Since August 2019, I‘ve now lost about 40lbs, which puts me at the lowest weight of the past 10. I‘ve been overweight my whole life, and ever since puberty my weight would have been classified as obese, but I have always been athletic and my fat was distributed quite well, meaning that I had a fairly flat stomach (at least while standing).

This past year, mainly because I didn’t live with my parents anymore, I was able to start losing weight, first just through doing exercise, then by adding CICO on top. I‘m super excited about how low my weight is now, and I‘ve received a few compliments, but when I look in the mirror, all I can see is a really flabby stomach that hangs down when I don’t engage my abs and it feels like everything jiggles more than ever…

I have about 50lbs more to go until I‘m a normal BMI and I already dread what my skin will look like… so much that I‘ve wondered whether it’s even worth to put in the work.

What are your experiences in this regard?

Since I don’t have it in my flair, some info about me: I‘m F(26), 5‘4“, SW: 233lbs, CW: 194lbs, GW: 145lbs

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How do you change your lifestyle during a pandemic?

This is a topic I’ve thought a lot about since March. 4 years ago I started a weight loss journey that, over time, resulted in a lifestyle change that caused me to lose 60lbs. I was eating better, tracking calories/macros, and exercising more. I slipped back into old habits and gained back all the weight I’d lost. I was finally getting back on track this last February and then the pandemic hit. I slept in, drank alcohol, baked and cooked whatever I wanted to fill the days.

Since July, I’ve really been focusing on trying to get back on the weight loss train, but I’ve really been struggling. I know that sustainable weight loss happens when you actually change your lifestyle, and that’s the rub: how do you change your lifestyle when you’re stuck at home? I didn’t have the most active job, but I was still working in an office and running around to different meetings throughout the day. Now my job is home-based and has slowed down quite a bit due to the season and effects of the pandemic. It was easier to plan meals and track eating when I had a set schedule at work. And it was easier to stay active when I had to leave the house for 8 hours a day, so going to the gym or running errands in the evening was easier (sort of an “objects in motion tend to stay in motion” principle).

So my question for you all is how have you managed to change your lifestyle amidst shelter in place, and how have you remained positive despite everything going on in the world?

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