Hi Friends!
Brand new person here with a dedicated account toward weight loss. I'm hoping to use this sub to find some folks in the same boat as me, learn some new tips/tricks, and generally get some community support! I hate to start on such a negative note....but I am overwhelmed with my need to rant, and I'm hoping some of you can related!
Weight loss is fucking lonely.
I am in my mid-30s, female, 5'5 and currently at 265lbs. My starting weight was 289 back in July, and I've just been making painstakingly slow changes. I've been fat my entire life. And honestly, I'm okay with my body. It took me a long time, but I came to love and appreciate my body exactly how it is. For a long time, I was one of those annoying fat people that a lot of folks hate: comfortable & happy in my body, that was also healthy for a number of years. Two years ago, that changed though. I had a giant health scare that was unrelated to weight. I had a systemic infection that impacted my vision, and I spent the better part of a year on steroids. I gained 35lbs, and things changed.
I'm healthy again, and though most of my vision recovered, most of my body did not. I'm not as strong as I was. My joints hurt. I am uncomfortable. My boobs got even bigger than they were and I'm tired of feeling like I need to withdraw money out of my 401k just to buy new bras. When I was at my heaviest, there were days where it felt like my body was too big for my skin. I still feel like that sometimes. I love my body - it's a kick ass tool - but I don't love how I feel. I decided it was time to lose the 35lbs I gained, and maybe even more. I'd love to be below 200. I have a million other little NSV set up for myself along the way, because it's not just about getting skinny. I want to get stronger so I can do cool shit again: mud runs and aerial silks, all stuff I used to do just a few years ago with ease. I feel like the love I started with towards my body is helping me achieve my goals, but I'm still struggling with some things: namely, other people.
Everyone I know is skinny, if not super fit, and while they mean well they are somehow the most....wildly out of touch people when it comes to this. It wasn't until this month I started telling people I'm actively trying to lose weight, after I've already lost 24lbs and I'm kind of baffled by the reactions I've gotten. It is so incredibly frustrating to the point of discouraging, because it feels like they're just talking down to me like I'm an idiot. It makes me question our friendship - like did they think I'm fat because I'm stupid or something? I've gotten the following reactions:
- people trying to insist that I don't need to lose weight and I'm fine how I am, as if this was some kind of self-esteem thing. These are the same people that cringe when I call myself fat, as if fat negates all of the other awesome things about me.
- people suddenly going on about how they've noticed my weight loss and how much better I look. like, really fucking hammering home how much better I look (which feels weird because I don't see a difference, but whatever). It gets under my skin because it feels a little rude?? I think they're just trying to be encouraging but never considered how it comes off. I'm afraid of what they're going to say when I do lose more weight. Like, don't bully the fattest version of myself. She was beautiful and sweet and just as deserving of love & compliments that I am now and will be in the future. It feels like talking behind my own back about how ugly I looked.
- Hearing nonstop about "Calories in, calories out" - as if the fact I'm a woman in my mid 30s with hormonal struggles isn't a factor at all. Like yes, it absolutely fucking matters what I'm eating, but come on. It's going to be slow going for me, let's stop acting like those things aren't an important factor in how quickly I lose weight.
- Telling me that I'm eating too little when I'm struggling to meet my calorie goals since changing my diet.
- Telling me that I'm eating too much because I refuse to put myself in a dangerous calorie deficit.
- People telling me to skip cardio because I can get the same results by just lifting weights. (I do cardio because heart disease runs in my family and I don't want to die of a heart attack, thanks. Also see above: my desire to do mud runs again - I need some endurance to do that!)
- People telling me to skip weight lifting because it'll just bulk me up and I need to focus on cardio. (I do lift weights because I want to be stronger. I'm not going to get bulky, and even if I do, there are worse things in the world than being a buff bitch.)
- I hired a personal trainer. She and her boss are fantastic and I'm enjoying working with them. The workouts they put me through make me want to fucking die and I LOVE it. Whenever I share what we did, a few of my friends that fall into gym bro territory start telling me all of the things I should have done instead.
- The other fat women I know acting like my weight loss journey is a slight against them - as if I suddenly think they're disgusting or lazy or any other number of things. I don't think any of that. I know it's projection and it has nothing to do with me, but those ones sting the fucking most. Like suddenly admitting that I don't like how I felt at my heaviest is a personal insult to them. They're acting like I'm betraying them.
It's so. fucking. annoying. Like, I love these people but at the same time, being skinny doesn't make someone an expert on weight loss. It certainly doesn't make them an expert on what is right for my body. I decided at the start of the year, this was going to be my main focus: finding out what foods and exercises make me feel best for my body, pushing my doctors to assist me in healthily reaching my goals, and using the love I have for myself to become this crazy strong fucking athlete that I know is inside my body. But anytime I say anything to anyone, I'm flooded with just....dumb takes similar to the ones I listed above. I want to talk about this stuff, both when I've reached little goals and when I've had a set back. But I do not want to spend the entire conversation trying to find polite ways to correct them or point out how rude they're being.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one experiencing stuff like this, folks. It's driving me actually insane!!
edit: added a word or two I left out!
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