I'm new to reddit and extremely new to this thread so I hope I've put this is in the right place.
I'm feeling especially frustrated right now with my journey and just want to vent a little.
I decided that my weight had gotten to a point that was out of control - I'd finish Uni which left me depressed, binge eating takeouts at least three times a week, cooking meals that were way too large for myself, at least a large chocolate bar and a bottle of coke a day - you get the picture.
I (F24) weighed 266 when I started my journey and at 5'4 that meant I was a chunkyyyyy gal. Doesn't help that I have PCOS but that isn't an excuse anymore.
I thought enough was enough when I came home and decided to do some calorie counting. When I started, it was the middle of lockdown and I was unemployed so I took the opportunity to try and better my health by exercising and try to get a hold of my binge eating issue.
My approach was not to cut anything out - still enjoy the occasional chocolate and treat provided it's in moderation and honestly as difficult as it was, I somehow stuck to it. As I lost the weight, I would slowly cut back on calories. I think part of the issue here is that I was consuming just about 1.4k cal, and would burn at least 400-600 calories a day meaning I'd lost it quickly and in an entirely unsustainable way. Somehow though, those were the days I felt the best as i felt like i was achieving something (obviously not good in the long run.)
I originally started the journey by walking through the local meadows, at home exercises and occasionally going to the gym when possible.
I got a full time job for six months, weight stagnated, quit my job (for separate reasons) and did my best to loose some weight again (and it was slow but sure process)
I got myself a part time job 2 months later and while the weight loss slowed down (retail sucks ass and so does standing on your feet for hours at a time but burning nothing) I still managed to loose it slowly.
I actually got to 195lbs which is a rounded 70lbs loss (5 stone). I felt the difference and was so happy with myself. While loose skin isn't exactly the most attractive physical consequence of my weight lost, I was still happy.
I've since accepted a full time job (which mostly involves mostly sitting at a desk and in those six months of being here, I have now gained back 27lbs since starting this job.
I feel devastated - I've tried time and time again but my will power and my motivation has just disappeared. My binge eating is back and when it's in walk I just feel defeated.
I am so mentally tired that I find myself truely struggling to do anything after work at this rate.
I wake up at 6:15, get into work for 8:15, finish at 4:50pm and don't often get home until 6/7pm depending on travel and bus issues. I am tired. I love my job but I am so mentally exhausted during and after the day as it's certainly intense.
I also struggle doing my walks as they roughly take me 1hr30/40 minutes (burning roughly 400cal a sesh at my current weight) which leaves me such little time to socialise, meal prep, get my shit sorted for the next day and shower etc.
Winter has been especially hard - I hate the cold and with the massive weight loss, I feel it tenfold. I also get hives when cold (even during the summer) if I forget to take my antihistamines tablets which happens a lot.
I know that ultimately I have the time to do it, and that I could fit it in, and people have lives much busier than mine but I don't know where to find the motivation any more. When I'm trying to avoid eating, I actually grind my teeth which makes me think of it more lmao. I feel like I'm back at my original spot.
I can little feel my double chin again and I've never felt so heartbroken, frustrated and quite frankly ugly. I don't even want to go back into the office at this point.
It's like my only choice is to go part time which is not financially viable nor is it an option for my current job.
I'm not really sure what else to say, I just wanted fester in my own little pity party and maybe vent to someone who might have similar struggles. I'm hoping I can get my ass back in gear but with my progress loss I feel like I already know what will happen.
Has anyone managed to get back on track after such a massive loss of progress?
