Hello everyone!
Stats:21M; 168cm; SW: 93kg, CW: 84kg, GW: 70kg.
Background: My weight has been massively yo-yoing for the past three years. I was 92kg in 2018, 72kg in 2019 to early 2020 (had vaguely visible abs), 83kg in September 2020, 75kg in December 2020, and by May 2021 I was 93kg. I was 80kg in September 2021 starting and presently sitting at 84kg. While I was severely depressed because of isolation and quarantine, I also have one extremely bad habit: eating outside food (ordering-in or take-out). I am an Indian student in Canada.
I just despise this habit of mine. I started this habit after the lockdown started. Why am I ordering out? Let me tell you that I make amazing food, almost on par with my grandmother (she taught me most stuff). Almost everyone who has eaten my food loves it and appreciates it. In fact, even I love it incredibly, and reminds me of home. I used to make meals every day before the pandemic. But somehow, I keep ordering-in food. I keep buying food. I even love cooking so much. I have no idea why ordering in seems attractive even when I have cooked enough for a few days. There is literally delicious food at home, yet I prefer to waste my money on outside food.
Surprisingly, no amount of home-cooked meals satisfy me as outside food. I went to a dietitian for weight loss recently and started following the guidelines. Even on the days I eat up to 50g fibre and perfectly balanced meals which are delicious, there is still this lingering feeling of something missing. So I end up ordering messing up all the progress I made. My birthday is in late January and I wanted to reach my goal by then starting Oct.1. I have not made any progress and keep eating out more than required. I want to stop it. Not only is it taking a toll on my body, but it is also making me broke.
I am missing out on my youth because of my weight and lack of fitness. I know the workout, I know what to do, yet fail to do what is needed to be done. Being fat literally makes everything difficult. I cannot run without my knees hurting, I cannot dance without being conscious of bouncing fat or breaking my joints with a wrong move, difficulty breathing even if I exert a little, and hell, even sleep quality is bad. Dating life is not something I am not even allowed to have now (I don't want to hold someone to a standard that doesn't apply to myself, i.e., a healthy lifestyle).
The one thing that always made me lose weight was when I was on my trips to India during summers when my grandma cooked, or when I cooked for my friend this entire summer because she was lazy to cook. All the times I have lost weight, it was home-cooked meals all times of the day, mostly consisting of vegetables, legumes and rice, and controlled portion sizes. While I stopped cooking for the friend now, I don't want to depend on someone cooking for me or someone to cook for.
Does anyone have this problem? If so, how did you beat it? I know what to do to lose weight, but this one habit I picked because of the stupid pandemic was ordering in. I used to be so active before the pandemic when I was 72kg. I used to wake up at 5 A.M. to cook meals, go to the gym at 6 A.M. and be at my classes by 9 A.M. (I live very close to campus) I used to be on campus till 8 P.M. most days either socializing, studying or attending classes. I was getting amazing grades and almost had a six-pack. I used to be radiant with energy. But after the pandemic, I became slow and lazy like when I was overweight in 2018. I look pale and feel like lost any charm I had. I want to beat this habit and be back in my element. Please help!!
P.S.: I have been in therapy for a while and it is helping my depression. It may be a cause, but I need to get rid of the habit sooner than my progress because I am missing out on my life.
Edit: Missed the word stop in my title.
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