*it's a bit of a long story but hey, if you feel up to it, you might relate
Like many others out there, I grew up overweight and by one of my pediatrician’s definition, obese. Looking back it’s not hard to figure out why I was a fat kid. I loved food, I was all about giant bowls of sugary cereals, any and all sweets and bread, and omg how I love bread, could literally sit and eat a loaf of bread by myself. And I was also very lazy, didn’t really socialize outside of school, at some point I stopped playing outside (probably when my neighborhood friends moved away and then eventually we too moved to a new house in sixth grade). I was in dance classes but as my dance teacher would remind me, I wasn’t practicing at home. I just wanted to sit in front of the tv and snack away quietly in my room with no cares. And growing up Hispanic it wasn’t that I wasn’t constantly reminded I was fat. My parents, who I love dearly, would always remind me about my weight that I needed to exercise and stop eating so much. But I didn’t listen, I was perfectly fine continuing my lazy pattern.
And so the years went on and I just kept putting on the pounds. I was known in my family as “gordita”, which is a very latino thing to say as a form of affection to a fat girl. My mom would poke fun of me and my other fat friends, calling us the manatee club or when I worked at SeaWorld, referred to me as Shamu's stunt double. My dad would constantly tell me to go join a sport. But I was self-conscience, uncomfortable with the idea of trying out for a sport and looking stupid in front of all the others who were clearly more athletic than me. I would try to work out at home, picked up a yoga video, gave it up after a bit. I would go for walks around the neighborhood than lose motivation. I tried to hide under baggie clothes, though that was pretty short-lived since fashion was very much an interest of mine, so I try to dress my body better to help me feel better. I remember watching TLC’s What Not to Wear and eating up all of Stacy and Clinton’s advice for dressing your body type. So I let myself build some comfort knowing that I was at least trying to dress better, so it’s fine if I wasn’t skinny. I even got the courage to try out for cheerleading, joined the weight lifting team and even the track team my senior year. I mean, maybe a little late in the game, but I was keeping it positive. I managed to maintain my weight senior year instead of gaining more, so that was a plus! But the end of high school came, not a single date, I even went as far as taking the initiative to ask 5 guys to prom and got rejected each time, and of course, I figured it was because I was fat. But hey, I was funny, smart and had a bunch of friends, can’t be all that bad being fat.
So I went into college, still very much as inactive as I was in high school. And college was no joke, I had the unlimited food plan and you bet I was eat wayyy more than ever. I guess when the dining hall is buffet style, it really just doesn’t register that I’m on my 5 plate of food or third desert. So obviously I was gaining weight and faster than ever before, it got to the point where none of my pants buttons, so I would tuck the buttons in so people could hopefully not be able to tell. By the time I went home for winter break, I found that I surpassed the freshman 15 and doubled it. Yep, I gain 30 pounds my fall semester of freshman year and was official a size 16. After going with my mom to do holiday shopping and buying new clothes in larger sizes, I basically maintain that 30 lb increase through the rest of college, a few failed attempts of trying to lose weight here and there, but I never had the discipline to see any of those attempts through.
Fast forward to the being of 2012 and beginning of a new me. Both my mom and my brother had dropped a bunch of weight, I was feeling lost post-college and was just tired of my weight. So I finally started committing to the process. I signed up for the gym at the beginning of February and started counting calories and doing a meal replacement program. By Saint Patrick’s Day I was down a pants size and started really feeling a change this time around. So I kept on my journey. It wasn’t a perfect journey, but I was committed to eating healthier and getting my cardio on at least 5 times a week for about 30 minutes. Even though I use to lift weights during my senior year of high school, a gym was so much more intimidating so even though I was eyeballing the weights, I stuck to my trusty elliptical.
I ended up moving back home to Florida at the end of April and took a birthday cruise in May, yet I had manage by mid-May to celebrate on that cruise a victorious 25 lb lost. I hadn’t been that small in four years and if felt so good. It was weird too, cause even though I was back to my high school weight, a weight that I wasn’t all too crazy about at 18, it felt amazing at 22 wearing 2 pant sizes smaller on my cruise.
After all the cruising and boozing was done, I got back at it. But this time I had an extra reason to keep on my journey. I had decided that summer to try and join the navy which meant I had to dropped another 30 lbs. And strangely enough, the lazy girl inside me wasn’t protesting, instead there was a new determined me ready to accept the challenge and keep on going. So that summer I went to work, I was watching everything I ate and going jogging in the evening. I no longer had a gym membership, and I was never a runner, basically hated it. But I knew that if I was going to survive boot camp, I need to run a 1.5 mile under 15 minutes. So I started using that as my training basis. Little by little I would increase how long I would run during my powerwalk/jog session, and soon enough by August I was actually running a 1.5 mile without stopping to catch my breath.
Its strange how we our mentality can change when we truly decide to challenge ourselves, push our limits, stop thinking we can’t and start thinking we can. My willpower and determination that summer were on fire. I remember my coworkers would ask me to come out after our shift to a number of chain restaurants, and I sit there enjoy my social time while still being responsible about my diet. If I had already eaten dinner at work, I’d just order water, and politely decline everyone’s offer to try their food. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a cheat meal every now and then, and I defiantly, but I also picked my battle. My willpower was strong and my craving for junk for was low, it just wasn’t appealing to break progress.
Then the weigh-in day came at my recruiters and I did it, I had hit my required weight, I was officially down 60 lbs since February, and I was down to a size 8! I never felt prouder of myself! I got placed on a 9-month hold for boot camp and maintenance mode started. I mean, sure I could have kept going and I did manage to drop another 7 lbs before my boot camp date, but I was so happy with where I was at that time that I just wanted to let loose and enjoy it. So I would eat healthily and exercise still but I also indulged in cheats more often. It’s funny cause you can read hundreds of things on how to drop the weight but maintenance is a whole other beast. Fast forward to May 2013 and I’m at MEPS ready to leave for boot camp, weight is under the max, all seems great…but do to a longer story, I was medically discharged for something in my medical record. Needless to say I was very lost and went in a depression cycle, and gained back almost 20 pounds.
But in summer 2014, I was tired of gaining weight and made a choice to get back in the saddle. I had moved to LA by that point and decided to start hiking at Griffith Park as my exercise of choice and went back into calorie counting mode, cutting sweets and junk food out of my diet again. And by the September I was down to a size 6, smallest I’d ever been, and at a total loss of 75 lbs since 2012. I felt AMAZING. Tackling the trails at Griffith was not easy, I pushed myself harder than I thought I could. I went from starting at a 30-minute hike that left me out of breathe, to a 1.5 hr hike that reached the highest peak in the park at least 5 times a week. I loved the challenge and I loved the results. And that’s where I cruised for my time in LA, I’d loosen up my diet a bit and fluctuated up 10 lbs but would get right back till life just smacked me in the face again and I was laid off and lost again. I’m not gonna lie, I seem to hit a lot of roadblocks in life that correlate to my up and down weight. But I always manage to get out of my funk and back into a healthier lifestyle. And that’s really what I take away from the last 8 years. That I have managed to maintain the weight loss. That I didn’t let myself go and get right back to where I started. That I know my limits even when I’m in a black hole of depression, which reminds me how strong I really am even if I feel so very weak and lazy. And now its 2020 and I am ready for my next fitness chapter to begin. I am concurring my fear of weight lighting at the gym in front of strangers and finally learning what it takes to build muscles. I’m ready to put in the hard work because I know it won’t be easy, I know I’ll want to be lazy and go back to simpler workouts, but I know my determination and perseverance from 8 years ago is ready to prove they haven’t gone anywhere and this will be an amazing journey. Like when I tackle hiking and kept pushing to climb higher, I’m ready to lift heavier and get result.
Anyway, I just want to drop my story, maybe it’ll be helpful to others who are struggling or have given up or still want to start and haven’t found the “motivation”. Motivation is a great catalyst but it can but often it’s short and fleeting. What you need to work on is the persistence and determination to keep going no matter how many times you fall. Build that willpower, cause in the end this is all a lifestyle choice to be healthier you, whatever a healthier you means to you.
