Hey everyone. I apologize in advance because this might be very long.
Basically, my situation is that I am a 23 year old woman who has been out of college for two years and I've really, really let my physical health go and it has gotten to the point that it is taking a toll on my mental well-being.
When I was around 19, I lost a good bit of weight through calorie counting and moderate exercise. did not start weighing myself until about half way through my weight loss journey, but if I had to guess, I probably went from ~200 pounds to ~155. I am 5'11, so the difference was pretty dramatic. I went from wearing a US Size 16 to about a US Size 2/4. I felt great. I felt confident in my skin, I enjoyed clothes shopping, and most importantly, a lot of things that used to ail me when I was heavier (chronic headaches, lower back pain, insomnia) seemed to fade away or disappear completely. Any time the weight started to creep back on, I nipped it in the bud and was able to go back down to my "normal" weight pretty easily.
A lot of things changed after graduation, however. My graduation coincided with a bad break-up of a long term relationship. Basically, I immediately lost the structure of both school and my relationship. After college, I focused almost exclusively on trying to get into a good law school (studying for the LSAT, etc) while working a series of odd jobs here and there and living at home with my parents. I stopped exercising, I was living a pretty sedentary lifestyle and eating a LOT of garbage. I think I tried to rationalize it by telling myself that I needed to focus all of my energy on my immediate goal (getting into law school) but that was just an excuse for me to let my diet fall by the wayside.
The weight gain was not too bad at first, I'd say that in the first 6-8 months, I maybe put on 10-15 pounds. It was noticeable to me, but my doctor seemed unconcerned and confident that I could lose it if it became a problem. But then it really became a problem. I started eating more and more, and soon I surpassed the 200 pound mark. At that point, I tried to lose weight but gave up pretty soon after and then piled more weight on. As of right now, I have no idea how much I weigh, I am genuinely terrified of weighing myself. I feel extremely uncomfortable in my body. I have stretch marks on my chest and ass, I've developed the faint beginning of rolls on my back. All of my clothes are too tight on my arms and thighs. It has taken a lot for me to even admit just how bad things have gotten. I'm probably around 250 pounds at this point, and if I do not do something soon, I will be approaching 300.
I was successful in my law school endeavor in that I will be attending Harvard Law this fall, but I don't want to start my law school career this out of shape. I want to get my shit together. I know that for me personally, there is an undeniable link between my physical health and my ability to excel as a student. When I was in undergrad, my retention was better, my sleep was better, my confidence on exams was better, all when I was eating right and getting enough exercise. I want to be that person again, but I feel so stuck.
I would appreciate any insight, tough love, words of encouragement, or advice that you have.
Thank you all in advance.
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