29 F / 5’ 6” / SW 170 / CW 150 / GW eh whatever feels good
I have always fluctuated with my weight. In my last bout, I spent a short period of time about 6 years ago watching everything that I ate and was working out 6 days a week. This period of time was only 2 months and I dropped 20lbs. It came to a head where I just felt exhausted all the time and slowly stopped caring what I was eating since I felt like shit which just made me crave shitty food. Then I gained even more weight than what I originally started at. However, even when I was at my goal weight, I personally felt terrible and still nit picking at my body image.
In those 6 years I started going to therapy to learn some self love. I got a better hold on my anxiety and depression. I’ve learned how to disconnect from toxic relationships and stressful situations. I was diagnosed with PMDD and apparently have difficulty absorbing vitamin d. And with that, developed a better relationship with food and also my body as a whole.
I didn’t realize how much my hormones affected my weight and I shouldn’t feel shitty about my body adding a couple of pounds for doing…exactly what bodies do. I’ve learned that I can cheat like everyday as long as it’s balanced with either exercise or fueling foods. Eating when I’m actually hungry and not because I’m bored. I also stopped beating myself up with my ever changing schedule with school and maybe some weeks I can only go to the gym once every two weeks — it’s okay! I’m walking thousands of steps a day, that’s gotta count for something even if it wasn’t in a gym setting.
Although I’m not at my initial goal weight (I think I was aiming for 140-145lb) I don’t think my actual goal has a number attached. The fact I’ve been able to stay on the progress for 10+ months without feeling exhausted all the time and trying to understand my body rather than hate it, I feel like this is an awesome spot to be in.
Anyway, I’m just ranting because I’m really proud of myself of finally getting a better grasp on my weight. I hope someone finds this helpful that weight loss is a slow process and very much part mental and emotional health as it is physical health. Also talk to your doctor and have routine blood work done so you can work with your body rather than fight it.
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