CW 300, 5'9, 23M
I distinctly remember when I turned 19 and promised myself I would lose weight by the time I'm 20, though here I am 4 years later with 50 pounds more. As far as I can remember, I have not managed to eat healthy for more than two days in a row over these 4 years, though every single day I’ve told myself that I was gonna do better and made plans to become healthier. I always feel like I’m making progress towards fighting the addiction but the results don’t show it. I’ve realized that I eat for emotional reasons, usually after a tiring day, and always got to have some Netflix to watch otherwise I have no interest in food; but that doesn’t really help me. Losing weight is such a long process that I can’t start it and get mentally drain each time I have to fight an urge to eat junk food.
I feel terrible every time I binge, then motivated and empowered every morning after when I feel like there’s no way I’ll fail again. I have barely no friends anymore, mostly because I shut down everyone and refuse invitations because I feel ashamed. I do thankfully still have a few online friends, who I’ve told everything except that I’m fat, and who would probably accept it but I’m too scared of rejection and would use any excuse so they don’t find out.
I’ve been looking at that subreddit for years but never had the courage or motivation to post. I’m not expecting anything from it but it felt nice writing this, even if to complete strangers) Anyway I have a few quite awesome opportunities of living a happier life coming up next summer, and if I haven’t made a dent in my weight by then, I know for sure I won’t take them. Seems like I have so much time to make it happen so it shouldn’t be that hard?? If it weren’t for that stupid brain tanking me every single day over and over. And on the other hand, I so wish being able to explore my body and discovering all the amazing things it can do, like climbing etc.
Anyway, I am now "officially" starting yet another attempt at living healthy, Tuesday Oct 12th 2021, 0:27am Western Europe time :) And best of success to everyone else out there fighting against themselves ♥️
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3BxGktP
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