Like a lot of people, I gained a lot of weight over quarantine. 50 lbs to be exact. I have binge eating disorder and body dysmorphia and have been in outpatient therapy for it, but it all went to hell in a hand basket when I started working from home. When stay-at-home orders started. I emotionally ate out of fear and anxiety and boredom. I barely left home due to the virus. (For context, I live in New York City, where walking is my life and where we were hit particularly bad from March-May 2020. This is when I gained most of my weight)
I gained an additional 11 pounds due to anti-depressants, so my starting weight when I began some 3 weeks ago was around 261. I am now teetering at about 253, depending on the day, and am maintaining weight loss through calorie deficit. The wake up call I needed was when I got blood work, due to the drug I take, and I was teetering at the lower end of being pre-diabetic, with high cholesterol. Type II Diabetes and heart disease are a serious problem in my family, especially on my mom side. At this point, I'm 35 and I know the time to take action is now.
I am taking it slow and not being very restrictive, just trying to stick around 1300-1600 calories per day and measure and count what I eat. Naturally, I was pretty excited thus far to shed 7 pounds, even if it is likely water weight, so I made mistake #1 and went to social media to talk about it. I immediately had someone in my comments telling me that the answer isn't weight loss, and that I should intuitively eat and not count calories or check my weight. That I shouldn't get obsessed with numbers.
What this person doesn't seem to realize is that I will always be obsessed with numbers, regardless of my weight. I would simply rather be obsessed with numbers weighing at least 75-100 lbs less, in clothes that fit, walking 5-7 miles a day again without getting winded, not having to squeeze myself into chairs or constantly buy new, bigger clothes.
I was simultaneously told to eat what I want, not obsess over numbers, eat intuitively, and learn to love and accept myself. I don't want to accept myself at 261 pounds when my knees hurt, I'm sweating from walking two blocks, my hunger levels are out of control, I'm borderline pre-diabetic, and my cholesterol is high. I can still love myself, and not accept that for my life.
I was told by another dietician on Instagram that I will probably, statistically, gain all my weight back, despite the fact that I am not following a restrictive diet. Last week I wanted two cheese slices at 180 calories each, I had the calorie deficit for it, so I ate those two cheese slices and still lost an extra 2 lbs.
I was so upset I haven't brought it up again, nor do I want to. I just wish weight loss wasn't demonized the way it seems to be these days. Weight loss is transformative and changes peoples lives for the better. Weight loss helps people live longer, more comfortable lives. I intend to count calories even at goal if it means I'll have a healthier relationship with food - and for me, a healthy relationship food equals not binging. With my body dysmorphia (even at my lowest weight of 165 at 5'7", I thought I was the size of a van), it wont solve every problem I have, but it will solve many.
I'm just trying my best, and I wish people would stop taking a crap on that.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3BRy9ZD
No comments:
Post a Comment