Hi Everyone, I'm F 23 5'7" 334lbs. My start weight in August 2023 was 378lbs so I have made reasonable progress but it just isn't enough. I have struggled with my weight and body image my entire life I developed an ED when I was 7y/o and was forced onto an extremely restrictive diet and made to participate in 8 different sports/physical activities weekly meaning I never had time to just be a kid. I had terrible body dysmorphia throughout my childhood and teen years. For context I come from a picture-perfect family where they are all thin, fit and so beautiful I'm surprised they aren't on the cover of a magazine. I was the odd one out because I was a bit chunky but to be completely honest looking back at pictures of me in my childhood I just looked like a healthy happy kid and I am disgusted by the way my family talked about me and treated me because I wasn't perfect. Anyway, I have struggled with being the bigger girl all of my life, when I moved away from home my depression got the best of me and I completely isolated and turned to food as my main form of comfort. I went from 200lbs to 365lbs in a year and I was disgusted with myself. When COVID hit and the world shut down I decided that enough was enough and I was going to make a change, while working from home I would do 15-minute HIIT workouts during my breaks and was doing 20:4 fasting while also in a major calorie deficit. My main reason for this was because I had a flight booked to visit home (this was when we though the whole COVID thing would be over in a few months) and I didn't want everyone to see how disgusting I had become. I got down to 265lbs and I was so proud of myself. Then the flight was cancelled and I lost all motivation and hope. Over the next 3 years, I yo-yod up and down until I finally hit my highest weight of 378lbs. I was horrified. Thankfully I had moved into a house with some amazing roommates and one of them became my gym partner I slowly but surely was getting back on track in a way that was healthy and sustainable. Then in September 2023, I lost my job and I felt lost, I kept going to the gym but I could feel my mental health declining. Thats when my mom dangled the golden carrot. She offered to pay for me to move back home so that I could be with my best friends and that she had a good job lined up for me in her company. I jumped at the offer as my goal was to move back to my hometown, so in 3 weeks I packed up my whole life and flew 5,000 miles to go back home. I didn't think about how it would affect my weight loss at first, I was still intentionally eating and lost 25 lbs after moving back in Oct 2023 but nothing since. I tried starting the gym but it's just not the same for some reason when I go to the gym here I have so much anxiety and feel like people are staring at me, so in the past 8 months I have been less than 10 times. I just want to be able to feel comfortable walking into a gym again but I don't know where to start. Sorry for the long-winded back story but I wanted you guys to get to know me a little and I would appreciate any advice you may have.
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