I recently turned 40, and today the scale reads 278 pounds. I am a 6’1’’ male. I have never weighed this much and I just stood shocked, looking at the scale.
I was a normal weight up until my mid 20s when I started to gain pounds, probably due to the desk job and long hours. By 30 I was 255, unhappy with my appearance and managed to get back down to 190 with extreme diet changes. Met my wife, got married, had kid, and by 35 I was 255 again. I knew I needed to lose the weight, but time went on and now I’m 40 and 278 pounds.
Over the last few years I’ve had some health issues that my doctors contribute to poor diet and anxiety. I have had significant anxiety most of my life, and while I’m being treated for it, I don’t think it’s working well. My anxiety is all health related... I have been convinced I’ve been dying of countless diseases due to pains and symptoms that have all been created by my anxiety. The only things I’ve actually been diagnosed with are a fatty liver and diverticulosis, which my gastro doc says both are highly treatable with diet and weight loss. He wasn’t very concerned. I’ve also noticed my blood pressure is starting to increase. It’s always been normal until the last year.
My anxiety has me believing that I can’t fix anything at 40. I’ve ruined my body, damage is not reversible, and I’ll just die young and leave my kid without a father. That I’ll never feel good again like I did when I was young. Heart or liver disease or cancer is next and there’s nothing I can do.
My logical brain does understand this is probably not true. I really want to get back down to a normal weight. I have a gym membership through work that I don’t use. I’ve downloaded and messed with myfitnesspal. I just need to find the motivation to start. Part of me feels like I have to lose a ton of weight ASAP, but slow and steady would probably be better.
Sorry it a lot of this seems like rambling. I’m just laying here on my phone getting over a nasty case of strep throat that tore through our house. Feeling down and just looking for some motivation. Interested in hearing from anyone, but especially folks my age who are on this journey. Thank you!
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