Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Not wanting to be a ‘fat bridesmaid’ is finally motivating me to restart my journey to change my habits and focus on health.

Hi everyone, this is a long one (also as a precursor, I’m British so I’ll flick between metric and imperial like the wind changes direction).

Almost 4 years ago I hit my heaviest weight ever, 16st 10lbs (234lbs/106kg). I started taking pictures of everything I ate, calorie counting and went to the gym 5 days a week. I was losing weight but not in a sustainable way, I wasn’t learning what food was good or bad for me, just if it fit my calories.

I kept that up for 5 months, 20lbs down and feeling great me and my partner loosened the reigns when we went to a friends wedding. Then we took a break from the gym. Then we reintroduced take always (they were banned previously). I slipped back into old ways and I gained back 15lbs.

Frustrated I joined slimming world (think it might be a British thing only). I formed some good habits, but their approach to dieting didn’t suit me, it was low fat everything, anything with fat or sugar was ‘synned’, healthy fats like avocados were synned in the same way that chocolate was. Portion control didn’t exist. After close to a year, having lost 12lbs but feeling pretty negative about weight loss and dieting in general itself I quit. I decided to reassess and research this time.

I made exercise plans and goals, I gave myself rest days, I let myself have treats, I researched healthy meals, I tried to stick to rough macros and a calorie allowance but didn’t punish myself if I went over. I didn’t weight myself religiously but tried to go by how clothes felt. I wanted a healthier mindset.

The weight loss was slow but sustainable. I was at my lowest in years at 14st 4.2lbs (200.2lbs/90.7kg) finally felt like I cracked it. That’s was until last May, when my work did an intensive charity bike ride — the equivalent of lands end to John o’Groats (the bottom to the top of Britain) — which saw people take it in turns to ride a gym bike. I jumped at the chance to be involved and I threw my back out in the process.

It took months to heal. I struggled to exercise. I struggled to stand for long periods of time to prepare healthy food. I felt depressed and I comfort ate. In the October I went to my Doctor for help saying I was struggling with my back, and in turn found it hard to exercise and without that my healthy mindset was out the window. My doctors response was truly disappointing “try to move more, try to eat less, instead of having 2 biscuits, just have 1. Instead of driving to the shop just walk”. I left feeling worse than when I went in. I spiralled. I went back up to 15st 12lbs (222lbs/100.7kg).

With this time frame my best friend got engaged. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I didn’t have to think twice about it. But I worried about my size. In January we ordered the bridesmaid dress. I deliberately ordered the size down.

My back was finally starting to feel better (it’s still not 100 percent), I looked back at when I formed my healthy habits and tried to replicate that to the best of my abilities. In 1 month I’ve lost 6lbs (2.7kg). The dress arrives this week and there’s 10 weeks until the wedding. I’m positive I can make it work this time!

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