When I tell people how much weight I want to lose they ask me where I’m going to lose it.

So people say I wear my weight well. It might just be how I dress. I’m naturally very muscular, and I don’t look obese but I am. I may look slightly overweight but people don’t know I’m 50lbs over my healthy BMI. My goal is to lose 70lbs. When I tell them that’s my goal they are shocked. I honestly don’t look good skinny. I was skinny most of my life. I hate the way I looked back then. I don’t wear “thin” well at all.

I look at photos back when I was at my “ideal” weight and that’s when I looked the best. I looked healthy. I looked in shape. I didn’t look all that unhealthy although when I was thin I was a anorexic so I was sick. Now that I’m recovered I want to be between 130lbs-140lbs. Not 110lbs. Which is the lowest I can be for my height.

I want this weight loss to be slower. I don’t want it to be shocking. People know I’m a recovering anorexic and I don’t want to the weight loss to be drastic and not manageable. I want to do it right. I don’t want anyone to think that I want to lose 70lbs and I somehow lost it in 6 months.

I’m not saying those who can lose that amount of weight in that time are unhealthy. I just know it takes some extreme dieting and extreme diets can trigger my eating disorder and I don’t want that.

So wish me luck. I want to lose 70lbs in about a year. I believe that if I stick to my current diet. Workout 5 days a week and just enjoy life and enjoy the journey I can lose the weight, not alarm anyone or make them worried I relapsed but also not actually trigger a relapse and maintain the weight loss I achieve.

I believe if I go a little slower and take my time I’m adopting new habits versus just dieting to lose weight. I want this to be a lifestyle change. This isn’t just about losing weight. This is about my mental health, my physical health for the future. Being healthy for my son. Being able to have more energy to achieve all the goals I have. This is about no longer being the old me I’ve worked so hard to change and the next step in evolving is changing the outside to match the way I feel inside.

Thanks y’all.

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