It feels so strange to post this.
For years I'd read everyone's progress posts with the mentality that I'd be there eventually, but never had the drive to do it. It was always "well...I'll start tomorrow.."
I think I just realized after another failed attempt that...there is never a tomorrow to start trying, there is just a "today", the here and now. Because "tomorrow" will always exist and you'll keep stretching that as much as you can.
I've just let my weight define my life for so long. I never went to the beach, hated going out in public thinking people were judging me. So many of my insecurities were from my weight. I still am pretty insecure with myself and how I look, but I'm gaining back some of my confidence that I lost in high school.
Something I've noticed.. I started wearing nicer clothes. For the 3 years I was around the 250lb mark, I'd hide under a hoodie. It's weird finally discovering my "style" because before I just went by whatever could hide the fat. But now I love jean shorts, skirts, skin tight shirts (my previous nightmare) I went to one of my classes the other day (100 person lecture) and noticed a large number of people looking at me before we went in? I felt so embarrassed and thought I maybe had something on my shirt or something was wrong with me, it was just strange noticing people staring at me. I felt really anxious. Some guys (before we went into class) were more friendly to me and one asked for my number to be a study partner. Seemed good to me so I gave it. I normally could disappear into a class last semester but it seemed instantly people started talking to me. My friend is in the same class and I whispered this to her and she started laughing and said "He asked for your number because you look hot!" I started laughing because that was hilarious to me, but she gave me a look that she meant it. While I haven't yet gotten to the point of feeling that confident with myself, that really made me feel better someone would think of me that way? Not sure but afterwords I just cried.
To be honest, my biggest motivation for weight loss has been sex. (Yeah..😂) I'm in college and that type of craziness is something I'm really missing out on. I was ready years ago but just felt too insecure with my body. I really can't wait until I'm comfortable enough with my body but honestly that probably won't happen until I reach my goal. And I have a goal of 120lbs by April 2021! (I am 5'6)
I guess I just want to thank all of you on here posting every day and keeping me motivated. I have a long way but I'm happy I got out of the 200's. All the progress posts are so inspiring and I'm really proud of everyone. We got this! 😌
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