TLDR: Back in December I learned there can be enormous consequences to my lifestyle, started to decrease calories intake, built up new social group, months later I was working out regularly. Then I lose my job and most of social group in a week, was devestated, backslid, but my newly formed habits still held somewhat firm and even after a month of neglecting my health I hadn't gained any new weight, just slowed my weight loss. Never give up you beautiful Redditors! Long post, but a story I bet many of you can appreciate or relate to.
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December 2019: I started to take my weight loss 'seriously' which mostly meant I'd stop ordering deep dish pizza's at 10 pm after already downing a 6 pack of beer on a weekday. I wasn't weighing myself then, but I did know I was around 400 lbs from a recent doctor's visit about 2 months prior (and if anything I gained weight in those 2 months). Why'd I start losing weight? well, there had been a lot of thing's I'd already 'lost' to obesity; sitting comfortably in the stands at sporting events, going to plays/movies comfortably, some chairs I had to stop sitting on, roller coasters, most sports, hiking with friends....so what tipped the scale finally? What did it? My neighbor's ultra rare disease and her alcoholism.
Nothing against this woman, she was honestly a total sweetheart, she once got me a 6 pack of my favorite beer for helping her back in the apartment building one night when she was blackout. But one day we run into each other while I'm out at the dumpster having a smoke, she's in a sling so I ask what happened. Apparently, she went out to the bars and blacked out, came home and fell down the stairs breaking her arm and pinching a bunch of nerves. Due to a previously unknown/untested disease she has, her arm will never fully heal, for the rest of her life she will be unable to write with that hand, her dominant hand. This. Terrified. Me. I was already killing myself through obesity, but I figured "it's not permanent, just a phase" .... but now if my drinking and weight cause a broken limb, maybe I'll suddenly have this permanent, life changing disability and I'll 100% be at fault of.
January: So less drinking, still drinking, still smoking (only when drinking, but still bad), but a lot less than before. Weight gets a bit better, but I'm still anxious about working out in public and I was too broke (at the time) for a regular gym membership, so no real working out, just more dog walking.
February: I see Covid popping up in China and fringe articles talking about it's quick spread and how contagious it is, I decide there is no way I'm quarantine-ing alone. I move back with the folks and my brother, who's in town from LA as their office closed down due to covid about 2 weeks after I moved back home. Now I'm not ordering $60 deep dish meals at 10 pm because my brother sleeps 10 ft from me with only a curtain seperating us, and my shame at binge eating outweighs my need to binge eat. So less calories, this is the first time I start noticing my breathing becoming easier and my joints in less pain.
March: I start playing Dungeons and Dragons for the first time in my life, and it turns out I'm actually really good at running games, like people are SHOCKED it's my first time doing it. I build a new social network online and have regular games/social events with this new group, mood increased, binge eating goes WAY down. Still drinking, but never on game nights, so that's (at least) 3 days a week I no longer drink.
April: Intervention time, Mom is angry I'm antisocial and in my room all day. Completely fair point and I'm not mad at her about it, I explain how my new social group works and where it exists online, she sort of gets it but not really. So I ask, what can I do to make her happy? because we are in lockdown so it's not like I can go out and make friends. She asks me to bike. So I bike. Maybe 2x a week max, but I'm biking.
May: Biking is no longer painful! I got a better seat, bike lights, I'm stretching daily so my limbs don't hurt, oh yea, and my limbs no longer hurt, fucking awesome! My hands stop hurting too, which means I can go back to writing stories and do more work on the computer without pain, fantastic! I buy a scale, May 1st I'm at 376 lbs. Games are going great, working remote, saving money, getting out of debt, life is sweet!
Not only this, but I start to plan out my future for the first time in 4 years, I now have a plan to create an online community/entertainment conglomorate to propel me to a future career in entertainment post quarantine! I just need to keep making cash while working in my free time!
June: OH FUCK I LOST MY JOB! OH FUCK MY GAMES ARE ENDING BECAUSE QUARANTINE IS LIFTING! WHAT JOBS DO I EVEN APPLY FOR?!? I kept biking, occasionally, but I'm still slow, also I'm drinking more than before, like almost as bad as it was before December 2020. Last measured weight was the day I lost my job, at 359 lbs.
July: okay, calm yourself, apply to some jobs, do some writing, some video making, some D&D occasionally, but I just can't bring myself to run games, I just lost everything so quickly I feel like a piece of garbage, I'm worthless, I can't even bring myself to apply for a new job :( I keep biking, eat out less because no income, but ugh, not in the best place. Too ashamed to weigh myself.
August: Total mental breakdown first week of the month when I'm denied a job at trader joes. a grocery store. I was an IT data analyst before covid, now I'm not qualified for this job???? Fall into depression. Working out barely helps, but it helps a bit. Regularly logging weight, but missed goal weight in July so I must be failing right? Weigh myself for the first time in 2 weeks...358 lbs...I'm not backsliding?...?????? Wait....this is working?????
Now today, I've been under 350 lbs for the last 3 days, so I'm no longer fluctuating on the low side, I've officially reached my weight goal of 350! I'm still looking for work, but I've got enough $ to make it through September, with my renewed energy I'm sure I'll get back into a healthy schedule/swing of things!
Never give up guys. You may feel like your failing for months at a time, if you keep up the workouts, keep up calorie control, keep up even one or two aspects of your weight loss journey, you won't backslide nearly as badly as previous attempts. I'm down 50 lbs and I'm not stopping. May of this year I could barely bike 3.8 miles at a pace of 6 min miles, today I just completed 9 mile bike ride with an average mile pace of 4:36. And I can run up stairs without getting winded! It's the small stuff I'm learning to celebrate, love yourself, you will get over your hump, just keep fighting, because it's up to you to make tomorrow a better day than today!
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