Have you ever read an article or watched a video where the weight loss tips they give you are stuff like "just eat when you're hungry!" and "all things in moderation" and "find an exercise that is fun for you!" and you just want to cry because none of those things work? Well, that was me. I'm hungry all the time, I don't eat "bad foods" daily and I hate all exercise because I feel like a whale trying to do ballet.
I've had a weird relationship with food all my life, I've never been normal weight, it has been anything from 70 to 110kg (I'm 1.73cm) with various ups and downs, maintenance periods, etc. I tried exercising more, eating healthier, counting calories, I would cut out sweets and make healthy meals, weigh my spinach and chicken, make smoothies and banana ice creams, I'd try to make salads with better dressings than mayo and while it worked for anywhere from one month to a year, and I would lose weight, I'd feel quite miserable, it would take over my life, everything had to be measured, most foods could not eat, I was craving chocolate, ice cream, fatty salads, sushi, etc. I would lose 20kg only to regain them back when my depression hit hard and all I wanted was to drown in chocolate.
This April I decided that enough is enough. I'm tired of always obsessing over food in some ways (whether it's counting calories or eating way too many sweet potato fries with mayonnaise), I was tired of trying to love running when it felt like death and pretending that waking up at 6AM to go for a walk is what I want to do. Instead of going on another calory counting healthy journal, looking up smoothie recipes, and "low-calorie breakfast options", I decided to try out the things that I've always heard and sounded like rubbish. So I made a plan for the summer:
- Eat when hungry. No set meal times, if I woke up hungry, I'd eat at 7AM. If I wasn't hungry until 11AM, I would not eat food just because food sounded delicious. I waited until I feel physical hunger. Every time I would pick up something, whether it was an apple or a cookie or a bite of salad, I'd ask myself "am I hungry?" If the answer was no, I'd put it down. Some days I would only eat twice, some days I was grazing, eating something every 2 hours. There was no calorie goal for the day, if I had to guess there were days when I ate around 1200 calories and days when I ate 2200 calories. And there were some birthday parties with cakes too.
- Eat until full. I would eat until full. If I ate half of my breakfast and I was no longer hungry, I would put it away. If I was hungry again an hour later, I would finish it; else I would eat it for lunch or save it for the next day.
- No restrictions. I did not cut out anything. I promised myself I will eat whatever I want as long as I ate some vegetables, and some protein every day (I'm chronically low on iron, so I try to include some iron sources too). If I craved a breakfast burrito, I had it. Just made sure to eat some sliced carrot with it. If I wanted chocolate, I'd have some (confession: I have wanted nd ate some chocolate every day). Nothing was forbidden as long as I ate it when I was hungry and ate until full. Weirdly enough turns out if nothing is forbidden, it's easier to eat some salad and chicken, or some full-grain toast with eggs. I actually wanted salad if I was allowed to add blue cheese, grapes, and some sunflower seeds to it. I stopped feeling guilty about food because I was allowed to have it.
- Sleep at least 7 hours. I did this about 90% of the time. Some days I got a bit less but mostly it was seven hours or more.
- At least 30 active minutes daily. For me it's usually a walk, often it's a walk to a store (that's furthest away from where I live) or some other "walk and a chore together". Some days I would do 30 minutes, some I would have a 90-minute walk, sometimes I'd do a random fitness video, sometimes a slow and easy bodyweight training, nothing extreme, nothing that would make me feel like death is near me. And I'm allowed to have lazy days if I feel like it. And just like with foods, allowing rest didn't mean I was not doing anything. In the past 4 months, I've had about 7 days where I did not do anything at all, but I had them guilt-free.
So the results? Nothing impressive, I'm sure I could have lost 3x more if I had counted calories, ate lean protein and greens and had some higher impact exercising. But I did none of that. I stepped on the scale this morning: 12kg down in 4 months! And it feels like I made no effort. I never felt like I am dieting, I never felt like I can't have something if I really craved something, I promised myself I will have it the next time I am hungry. I ate a few pieces of chocolate every day with my afternoon tea. I had burgers with friends, sushi, pasta, homemade pizza (and no, it didn't have cauliflower crust).
I don't know where I will go from here, I don't think this is a magical solution that works for everyone. I think calorie counting in the past helped me to realize what's normal portion size, and from years of running, I learned how to stretch well. But for the first time in my life, it feels like food is not controlling me and I'm not trying to control my food either. I feel like a normal human. I will see how this continues if I continue to lose weight or not but I just wanted to say that if you're frustrated or feel stuck, be a little kinder to yourself.
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