Buckle in because I think this will be a long one. here’s a link to all the photos I’ll be talking about
I’ve struggled with my weight since middle school. Before that, I was one of those kids who was a bottomless pit for food and never gained an ounce. Once I hit puberty at around 12 it all caught up with me, and I was one of the first girls in my group of friends who developed breasts and as I’m sure many of you know they don’t come without “curves” in many other places also. As a girl who grew up in the early 2000s, we were told a normal body weight was “fat” and very thin was idealized, there was a lot of pro-ana propaganda on the internet. It didn’t take much influence for me to begin to hate my body, eat my feelings, and punish myself afterwards.
This continued until about junior year of high school, where I leaned up a bit (despite almost no changes in my lifestyle) which convinced me that I must have “lost my baby fat” and that I would be thin from now on. (Narrator: “she would not be thin from now on”)
I started college in the fall of 2014 and moved out with my then boyfriend and a roommate. As most poor college students do, I began eating poorly, drinking, and letting the very stressful lifestyle of working and schooling determine how my days went. Coupled with that and a very unhealthy relationship I found myself again turning to food to help me cope with my feelings. As I started to pack on the pounds I felt more and more out of control of my body and myself. This came to a head when I decided to shave my head in 2017. I was horrified with what I looked like, I had no more hair to hide behind and I felt vulnerable and I couldn’t recognize myself (not to mention my then-boyfriend agreed that he didn’t like it -thanks bud)
I decided that it would take about as long to lose weight as it would to grow my hair out, and there wouldn’t be a better time to start working on myself. I started small, and did little floor workouts in the mornings before work. Eventually I had lost around 18 pounds after about a year. It wasn’t much longer after that when I ended my relationship. Sounds great to end a toxic relationship so I can continue to work on myself, right? Wrong. That summer (2018) I got evicted from our shared duplex because I couldn’t afford rent and my new roommate didn’t have her share either. I was effectively homeless and it would take 9 months for me to find a stable home again. Once I did, guess what? Yep. You guessed it - I went right back to comfort eating.
This time I outdid myself and surpassed my all time high of 175lbs (79kgs) and made it to 199lbs (90kgs) as my highest weight of my life. Without getting too off track, the shit show had only intensified with other aspects of my life and that left me feeling helpless, further compounding the helplessness of my weight gain and bad habits. I had no motivation to be better anymore, I felt spent from my first big weight loss and didn’t want to start all over and do it again to only potentially have this happen again.
In July of this year, where conveniently I weighed the most that I ever have, I decided to make a life altering decision to join the US Coast Guard. I got my study book and called my recruiter and he told me “your application looks great - but I need you to be 160 pounds or less” (72.5kg) and i knew what I had to do. I really, really wanted this. Finally I wasn’t motivated by looks or how I felt about my body. I was motivated because I will have to run 1.5 miles (2.4km) in 15 minutes, do 39 sit-ups in a minute and 15 push ups in a minute to graduate boot camp, and before I can do that I need to lose 40lbs (18.4kg). I got a personal trainer, I dedicated myself to a sustainable calorie deficit with appropriate macros, and started going to the gym every day.
Today, I weighed in at 188lbs (85.3kg) which is my first 10lbs (4.5kg) lost since I started. I hope to be at my goal weight by December, and then re-evaluate a new goal weight for my new lifestyle. For the first time I’m making sustainable changes and I know that I can really change for the better, and I won’t be yo-yoing 50 pounds until the end of time.
It may only be 10lbs, but i feel so proud of myself already and can’t wait for the next 10lbs.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3DlteRM
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