i spent the past year and a half trying to lose weight only to end up gaining 100+ lbs. I started out at a healthy weight and just wanted to lose like 20lbs. Then, I got stuck in a binge-restrict cycle that I couldn't get out of. I was gaining weight rapidly. I eventually started purging and I thought that would help with at least, but it ended up just fucking up my metabolism and slightly slowing down the rate of weight gain. I was still gaining weight. I went to rehab because my binging and purging got so bad that I was suffering from electrolyte imbalances and suicidal ideation. At this point, there was like an 80lb increase in my weight.
I feel so fucked. I gained even more weight in rehab. My treatment team didn't intend for me to gain weight but my body couldn't figure shit out. It's like it couldn't even process regular eating without gaining weight. I was on a 2000 calorie diet and weighed like 200lb at that point. I should have been losing, but I ended up gaining 20lbs there. I'm only 5' 5" btw.
Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that I'm no longer binging and purging but I'm so depressed about my weight. I have been doing everything everyone has asked of me: i eat regularly according to my mealplan, I take my meds, I go to therapy, I exercise regularly. I'm doing everything and I just feel like I fucked myself over so much and nobody is helping me to get my body back to where it needs to be. Since the weight gain, I've had an increase in lots of medical problems (hypertension, higher-normal A1C, loss of period, tachycardia, etc.) and yet my treatment team (of doctors, a therapist, and a dietician) don't see it necessary to put me on a weight loss diet. They think my weight will regulate itself with time but its been 6 fucking months and all i've done is gain weight.
I've decided to just say fuck it all and try to lose weight again. Hopefully this time around I won't gain weight. In the past, I've lost a lot of weight successfully but it was again related to disordered eating (eating too little, intense fear of weight gain, etc.).
I just want to be normal. I hate that this is what my body has become. I hate that I let myself get this way.
Starting tomorrow: more exercise, less calories.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3AOc0tX
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