I'm a 29-year old male, 6'0. I've been mostly overweight my whole life, but got fit a few times. I'm currently 200 pounds, but got very fit at 20-years old, 169 pounds.
I think I've realized that I'm scared of being attractive, for a couple reasons, and this probably is what sabotaged my weight loss in the past. First, the biggest one is that my family/extended family have all been mostly overweight my whole life. I remember having a family pic taken when I lost a lot of weight, and everybody else was overweight/bordering obese, and I was lean. I felt like an outsider and the black sheep, like I wasn't really a member of my family. I've carried this internal sense of guilt with me for a long time, that if I get fit I am rubbing it in my family's face and they are going to resent me. My parents have been mostly supportive now, and we actually talked a lot about caloric intake the other day, so that was fantastic, I don't feel as much judgement now.
The other big reason, I think, is that I'm terrified of destroying my innocence about how the world works. The truth, as many here and elsewhere can attest to, that people really do treat you differently based on how you look. Everybody suddenly gets nicer, and you become miraculously funnier and more interesting when you lose weight. I get that it's human nature, and I'm no spring chicken, I know how the world works, yet it does kind of allude to the fact that we are enormously superficial as a species and this will never change. Not to mention that my personality which was completely the same when I am overweight is the same when I am fit, I'm the same person, yet only when I get fit it shines through and people like it. Or maybe that it's a feedback loop and being treated better makes me happier and then I treat people better, when being overweight I was just isolated and unhappy and nobody really helped me out of that. Like the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, unless you can break the cycle.
One more reason is that I often thought when I was younger "when I lose weight, I will _______", like I had all these big plans and dreams that would happen one day when I lose weight, and actually bringing that into reality is scary. Like I have to actually face reality, realize that this is my life and I only get one, so what if I get fit and then don't get to just stay comfortable putting off my dreams? And the kind of identity confusion, where the dude that's out there crushing his goals, looking good, is not the same schlubby guy that came up with all of those dreams.
I looked in the mirror today and thought "wow, I look kind of hot", and couldn't help feeling extremely guilty. Like my entire existence is just selfish, why do I deserve to be hot? Why does anybody? I know that's irrational, and I'm working through it, but it still comes up. I think I've had a problem throughout my life of dragging myself down because I hate the idea of being privileged in some way when others have it so bad.
Regardless, there's no debate about it, I'm going to get down to my ideal weight, I don't want to be fat anymore, I don't really care about the potential judgement of others, and I'm willing to face the superficiality of society. I figure the negatives of being fit and attractive are worth the payoff.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2YwyYbD
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