It's almost my actual birthday. That was enough last year to finally do something about how unhappy I was. Right now, I'm crying at my kitchen table. Plenty of reasons, but mostly because I'm glad last year me was brave enough to try to change even though it felt impossible. 82 pounds is unreal but turns out it isn't impossible.
I've only ever been obese. I mean, I still am, but less so. I'm working the number down and I'm made peace with it being slow. I hate slow, but I trust it. Slow teaches you things. She gifts you things. Slow means I have a better chance of maintaining.
You can change. It just takes time.
Thoughts / Things I hope help you somehow
- CICO is how I lose weight. I'm more active (walks now, but when I lose more I want to get a bicycle and maybe even run! I still feel too heavy for both.) but counting calories is the reason I lost 82 pounds.
- MyFitnessPal free app is where it's at. It was hard for a few weeks, but now it's habit. I need to track what I eat. I wish I could be instinctual about it, but I can't. That's OK!
- I fit better. Everywhere. In my bathtub, at tables, next to people. All my life I've wanted to fit in the world and every month I feel like I do more. Everyone gets to take up space. Your value has nothing to do with size! But just, I like fitting in things designed for average weight people.
- Walking up the stairs, sitting on the floors, getting out of bed are all easier. It's still hard not to envy people at healthy weights, but this only works when my focus is me not other people.
- Sometimes when I carry in ALL the grocery bags and they feel SO heavy, I step on the scale. It's the best way I've found to remind myself of what I used to carry.
- Looking into your grocery cart and feeling good about everything in it is pure joy and a mood booster! When you're strong at the store, it's easier when you get home.
- Make some sort of display of your weight loss. A friend of mine suggested a paperclip chain -- one for each pound lost. I hung it around my mirror--which I let myself look into now.
- Keep a few old clothes to try on. Besides my face, I have trouble seeing my weight loss. Nothing proves me to more that I've gotten smaller than old clothes. Sometime that used to be tight is now loose? A delightful surprise! Added fun is when your new clothes get too small.
- Funniest NSV? My new jean pockets are kinda too small for my phone. I know that's a problem women have with pants, but my old jeans were large enough that they pockets were giant. Now I can complain about the junk women pockets, too! Buy some clothing that fits your current body perfectly. I suggest underwear because I got new underwear (80 pounds and my old underwear still stays up, go figure!) two months ago and every day I'm happy when I put it on.
- Take measurements. I couldn't convince myself to do that until July. I've lost 8 inches off my waist since then, but I wish I knew my starting points.
- I have excess skin. I will have more. I can't change that so my answer to my arms and tummy and thighs is: so what? I didn't like how my body looked before. I'd rather feel better and be healthier with loose skin.
- No one, besides the handful of people I told, noticed and said something about my weight loss for 6 months. Then it was like floodgates and EVERYONE noticed. Took awhile to be comfortable with the comments, and even now I sometimes fake the "thank you."
- You can say thank you and then move on. No need to tell them more, unless you want to. People push and sometimes I'm good about changing the subject and sometimes I tell them more than I wanted to. But serious, "thank you" or "I know" is all you have to say.
- I started going to therapy. We talk about my anxiety way more than my weight or food. I didn't know I had anxiety but I knew I wanted to talk to someone. If you're considering therapy, I recommend it. It's expensive, I know! My health insurance is terrible with high deductibles, but I've worked it into my budget and it helps me. It's hard, but I'm better with it.
- I like little challenges along the way. For one, I ate a vegetable with supper every day for a month / tried 8 new vegetable recipes. I did 30 days of 10,000 steps which turned into 100 days. Only water as a drink for a month. These things lead towards different habits, are fun, and keep me trying new health things. I don't always continue doing that, but I notice I eat vegetables even more now and walk more and mostly only drink water and coffee these days.
- I notice I'm different all the time in little ways. What I pick at restaurants. What I say about myself. What I do. It's a hundred ways I'm different but every one of them feels like the real me. I'm glad she isn't hiding as much.
- Most people have been supportive. I'm lucky. But fuck anyone who isn't. You're worth this. I'm worth this.
Someday I hope to be brave enough to share progress photos.If you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer them!
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