Hey y'all, so I've(f/5'10"/22) been on and off trying to lose weight for about 8 years. At my heaviest I was 240lbs, and the least I've weighed was 190. It seems that I have the tendency to start really strong with calorie counting, gym going, and healthy choice making. I'll be good and truck along for 5-6 months, and then always I end up getting burnt out and giving up, feeling like the progress I made just wasn't showing or my new lifestyle wasn't sustainable. I've lost and gained back the same 30lbs about 5 times and I am so sick of it.
And of course, I always start over at the new year and this time is no exception. As of this morning I am 227lbs with a goal weight of 150lbs. I'm realizing that, as much as I wish it wasn't true, weight loss that sticks can take a long time. My eagerness to feel beautiful and look skinny has made me make drastic changes in the past that were often too overwhelming, not sustainable, and not reasonable. The first day of the new year would roll around and I would try to make too many changes all at once. Things like "go to the gym 5 times a week", "stay under 1200 calories every day, no mistakes allowed", "wake up at 6am every day", ECT ECT. Poor past me was so hard on herself and always disappointed when I couldn't miraculously become a super hero of health. Setting these crazy health goals all at once year after year, failing every time, has obviously not been a positive experience. My already suffering self esteem would plummet somehow even lower after each failure. There was no self-love, there was no forgiveness for mistakes. So I'm clearing the board, taking a new perspective, and trying again.
I want to love myself and feel like I am enough. I want to treat my heart, soul, and body with respect. I want to forgive myself for being so mean to myself.
I am still counting calories, but instead of starting with 1200 I'm doing 1800. And so far, it feels a lot better. There's a lot more wiggle room and I don't end up feeling trapped at the end of the night, starving and out of calories. In fact, the last 3 days I've ended my days around 1500-1600, feeling completely satisfied. It feels great to have some small amount of control again.
As far as workout/gym goals, I'm taking it very slow. All I'm asking of myself right now is to stretch for 5 minutes every day. I would like to eventually have a gym routine again, but I'm not rushing it. I will get there at some point.
Most importantly, I'm focusing on my mental health and trying to address the negative thought patterns that lead me towards self destruction. I hold myself to an unreasonable expectation of perfection and that is not okay. I would never expect a friend or family member to make a million changes all at once and succeed, so why should I expect that of myself?
So yeah, I'm feeling cautiously confident and even a bit happy. I don't care if it takes longer than a year, 2 years, 5 years, or longer. I want to form a healthy lifestyle that doesn't make me so upset and stressed and disappointed. And while weight loss is still a goal, my happiness and self worth are taking priority this time.
Thanks if you made it to the end of this wall of text. It felt helpful to write this all out. Good luck to everyone with their new years goals!
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2QUofkV
No comments:
Post a Comment