I feel like over the past several years, I took one step forward, but ten steps back. 5 years ago, I hit my lowest and healthiest weight as an adult: 130. Then I lived abroad and gained 40 pounds. Then I got fed up and worked on losing it, lost about 15 pounds, and moved back to the US and went to grad school. I zig zagged a lot for 2 more years but graduated at 150. Then I moved across the country last year...and over the past 7 months, I've ballooned up to almost 180.
I initally was able to get to 130 in the first place because of calorie counting, being very strict exercise-wise, and becoming very obsessive about numbers. I was eating about 1200-1300 calories for the longest time, and I was okay with it back then. Now, even though I still log my calories (been doing so out of habit for the past 4 years), I can't bring myself to go that low again. I was always hungry and thinking about my next meal. Doing that now feels like a punishment. Now, whenever I see tasty foods, I feel food FOMO and eat it. I'm getting bigger by the day and despite working out about 2 times a week, I've felt myself getting more and more out of breath whenever I do cardio or walk from my car to work. All the jeans/pants I brought with me when I moved don't fit anymore and I've had to buy replacement jeggings because they will stretch with me. My body feels so heavy and I feel really ugly. Being successful and then feeling like you've lost control sucks!
I've set up an appointment with Occupational Therapy here at my job where they have weight loss management programs, and I'm hoping having someone else to hold me accountable will help. Just anything to start moving things in the right direction again.
Has anyone been dealing with this? Has anyone been successful but messed up? How do you not beat yourself up?
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